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That aged men and women now hack each other to death is gradually becoming a trend in our society. This needs urgent attention from all good people, especially the children of the aged. For the fact that Africa especially, Nigeria has not attained the height of running and maintaining old people’s home does not mean the aged should die in gruesome manner. To see mothers who have laboured for years to raise children die gruesome manner is most unfortunate.
Personally, I am beginning to think that at a certain age of parents, their children should pay closed attention to their affairs and not allow them live alone or run their activities personally. Agreed, some can manage that phase of life well, while some others find it difficult to take care of their day-to-day needs. In most cases, some adult-children leave their parents in the hands of strangers including domestic staff, to look after them at old age; and many of these aged parents have experienced sudden death in the hands of these strange workers. In fact, a certain former governor’s aged mother was gradually poisoned by her domestic worker, who added substance to Mama’s food. She would dose off and the girl would steal her gold and diamond jewelries for sale. Not once or twice have domestic workers arranged deaths of their aged principals out of greed. Recently, in Lagos, a driver and steward were arrested for the alleged murder of an aged couple who were meant to visit their children in the United States. Their driver and cook organized robbers who came in, to dispossess them of the foreign currencies meant for thd trip and they died in the process.
From experience, one could feel the happiness that envelopes an aged couple when their biological children return to spend quality time with them. My late father did not joke with such moments; both of you will keep vigil catching up on old times until late hours of the night. Such reassuring moments increase their life span, give them longevity, hope and assurance. It is at such instants that careful children checkmate their aged parents’ attitudes and ill health, especially mental disorders like dementia which doctors have proved to be catastrophic if not properly managed. Sweetly put, only if most children know how the aged cherish the care, love and touch through physical contact from their children. I must also confess that some of these aged parents would blatantly refuse to live with their children in the cities; instead, would prefer to spend some weeks and head back to their station in the village where there are activities that keep them busy and warm. What most of us do not recognize is that aged parents gradually become babies and need attention at all times, knowingly and unknowingly.
Now, when the news trended recently from Edo state that 84-year-old Pa Gabriel Ahuwa allegedly killed his 75-year-old wife with a cutlass for refusing him sex, my first question was where were their children? Again, that the said Ahuwa told the police that he had reported his wife’s sexual denial to his in-laws (his wife’s relatives) and the children. How come the children and their maternal relatives did not see the red flag. Initially, I wanted to blame his action on dementia, but on second thought, for the fact that his brain was intact to recollect that he killed his wife out of bottled anger, sexual denial and reported it to the police means he is a normal man who needed just sex. Again, it is for all to know that age does not matter when the third leg is ready for action. Unlike a report from Ngor-Okpala, in Imo State sometime where an 84-year-old accomplished retired Director General of a government parastatal also murdered his wife on a quiet Sunday morning after neighbours had gone to church. When police arrived at the scene, the retired DG was seen asking his late wife who was lying in the pool of her own blood the mission of the police officers in their compound. Therefore, one could see a clear case of dementia on the side of the retired DG while the other was searching for the hidden treasure underneath the skirt. When the Edo incident broke online, netizens who flooded the comment sections wondered why an 84-year-old husband could still want to have sex with a 75-year-old wife. Well, for the record, any gender could be horny, no matter the age. None should blame Pa Ahuwa for his high libido. At Pa Ahuwa’s age, most men would have retired from sexual activities, but if he is still active and needed to be sexually stable, he should not be chastised. But then, the easiest and handy person to give him sex immediately should be his wife of many years who would have understood his mood and capabilities. Asking for sex for the grandpa is no crime as far as he is alive. It is his right to demand sex from his woman of many years. His only crime was killing his wife. I also agree at that age, most people would be asking what he needs sex for? Some women would also be in Mama’s shoes of sexual-denial due to age, ill-health, poor taste of sexual attraction and libido. Maybe Pa Ahuwa is not the out-going type, probably, he would have gone out to avoid staining his hands with blood. But where the children? Maybe a healthy interaction with Mama through a medical doctor or her religious leader would have set Mama’s mind right to realize that marriage is till death do the spouses part. Otherwise, a mild separation between the two would have salvaged the situation. Though it is not the time to apportion blame to anyone, but with their father’s complaint, they should have been more sensitive to his plea, and carefully watch both closely. The same message I had for DG’s children, their father did not wake up and kill their mother just like that, there must have been traces of mental disorder which the children neglected, especially as they lived abroad according to reports.
A school of thought would counter me in disagreement and blame men who still request for sex at old age. I have not forgotten Peter Anya, a rich business man who regreted forcing a wife on his widowed-father after their mother’s death. “Honestly, if I had known what I know now, I would have allowed my father to make his choice in the second marriage; instead, my siblings and I forced a middle-aged woman on him, and sex became a major complaint between them. I feel personally ashamed because my father died out of frustration and not a natural death when he could have lived better with his children’s support,” Peter said. Take it or leave it, the moment aged men desire their women in the other room, please that woman should respond to her man; marriage oath on the altar says “till death do us part including having sex.” Therefore, sexual denial especially from women to their men is a conspiracy against a man’s mental health, mind and his wellbeing. Sex is deeply connected to the mind, sense and brain. What these aged women do not understand is that it might not necessarily be the usual tilling of the ground, but knowing that their women still answer their sexual call might be all they want and that gives them the required relief.
Dear Children of aged parents, I earnestly appeal to you look into the case of aged parents’ mental health especially when sexual complaints arise from the man. The war that sexual denial in marriage generates is worse than Iran and Iraq war, honestly. To some, it is not a subject that is openly discussed but each knows there is a cold war in the home which needs only sexual healing, as late foremost musian, Marvin Gaye, once advocated in his popular song of the same title. If possible, when these agitation starts, let the woman get the right counsel from her pastor and be near her husband at all times; but let that call be answered. Asking why he wants sex at 80-plus is rubbish, it is his right which the children should respect and find a way to manage the situation.
