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Within the week, I read two posts that made my day. The first post said if your spouse takes a walk and does not return after six months, do not accept him or her again because the second missionary journey might be heavenly or regrettable if it did not lead to death. Then the second told the story of the case of Tofunmi who is down with an ailment which her husband cannot afford the bill, but her ex-boyfriend is willing to pick the bill.
The two scenarios have pros and cons that need to be considered in reaching a position. First, the issue of making a great comeback after separation or staying away for more than six months before trying to come back could be likened to the two sides of the coin. In taking that step, there might be lessons to be learnt for both the man and the woman. First and foremost, the man is usually sceptical not to dabble into a woman who has been sexually battered by other men; possibly his family and friends. When Jenniffer and Mike parted ways, Mike returned to his base in Sweden. After four years of his cousin insisting that he should make up with Jennifer, he agreed to heed his pleas. Upon return, the first and only question he asked her was: “‘Did any other man touch you in the last four years?” Jenny swore with her life and her man hugged her, all issues resolved and settled. Mike was so proud of his woman and bought her a Toyota Lexus 350 for living a chaste lifestyle all through the four years the misunderstanding lasted. After four years, she was welcomed into his life and home again. Not all could be that steadfast and hold unto God. Reconciliation after separation is also a situation where both need to search themselves thoroughly before embarking on that journey based on the tone of their relationship before the split – their temperaments, level of commitment, trust, regrets and otherwise. Mike accepted Jenny because she did not sleep around. Now, couples who have been in a toxic relationship from the onset may need that whole separation to avoid possible homicide arising from aggravated domestic violence, either against the man or woman. One good fact is that separation can prevent such a tragic incident. Some couples may separate and never come back again. In such a case, it is as if the separation made scales fall off their eyes – allowing them to properly re-evaluate the relationship. This enables function better in other aspects of life.
Now, some relationships need to be dissolved completely by divorce, in court, to avoid the stories that touch the heart. The case of Martins and Grace was a bad one and should teach some lessons. Their physical looks did not match, nothing made them bond as a couple. They lived like co-tenants in the same flat. Both were very well educated but not satisfied with each other’s mien. Their cat and dog relationship was noticed by all and sundry, such that when their separation was rumoured in the neighbourhood it was no surprise to many at all. While Martin saw signs of atrocities in his woman and tried to break their relationship, his family urged him to continue in the relationship he was struggling with until pregnancy pulled into marriage, by force. In their not-too-sure relationship, there was never a period of peace in the union. Every so often disagreements and altercations broke out. Their toxic marital relationship was a common topic in the neighbourhood. There were allegations of infidelity, which resulted in acrimony and bitterness. They tried to manage the marital union that had produced three children. Eventually, it broke down. It was for the sake of the kids that family, friends and religious leaders intervened. But somehow, the efforts were fruitless as the couple split. Within a short time, Martin got into a new relationship and was at peace. But friends and well-wishers tried to use emotional blackmail, trying to work out a reconciliation. But Martin was resolute and vowed never again would he and Grace come back together. He was done and good.
Truth be told is that when a relationship breaks down, and a spouse finds himself or herself outside the matrimonial home, to some it is an opportunity to fly into the sky with seemingly boundless freedom. To some, it becomes a period of sobriety, getting close to God and seeing the other side of life. That freedom, if not properly harnessed could lead them astray finally. Some men with African blood running in their veins would never accept a woman who took a walk on her own from the matrimonial home because something outside was drumming a masquerade dance for her. So, the better she gets her satisfaction out there and is filled with the new wine, the better for the relationship and that keeps her away forever.
Interestingly, this is to let some of those ladies who run up and down from their marriages know that there is nothing outside, only if they get it right in their brain. There is a crop of boys whose specification in love relationships must be young married women. It is so because it takes two to tango; if the women were not giving in, it would have been a closed chapter. Most married ladies catch the fancy of some single boys who would be deceiving and enticing them with all manner of freebies and lies, pretending they are the best men for the job. For such ladies, their husbands’ homes become trash before them, they are found so ungovernable and show dislike and utter disrespect to their husbands and their families. Such a crop of women compulsorily lock their phones and stay on it all day chatting with the fresh boy. If mistakenly, she is asked, who are you talking to, her response would be “Can’t I have friends again? When a wife starts asking such questions it is that she is up to something. While the young boy outside uses a lot of energy, gifts and lies to entice her, as if it is a competition between him and her husband, the lady would never believe that the boy is misleading her with deception until her poor conduct betrays her, and probably she finds herself outside her matrimonial home. Then, the lover boy would bring out his true colour because he has gotten all he wants and can do away with her. The same fresh boy who disturbed her phone 20 times a day would reduce his communication drastically until he vanished into thin air, leaving the young madam to wallow in loneliness. Now, should netizens ask the man to accept such a woman who finds love and comfort in the hands of another man? When a woman finds herself outside her union and chooses to become a feast even to her husband’s friends and relatives, is she worthy to be accepted into her ex’s heart? The reason women should remain in their marriages except their lives are being threatened is to avoid being treated without respect. Stay in and build your home; challenges are part of the union.
In the other post that I read, Tofunmi, a smart secretary, was diagnosed with an ailment that required surgery. Her husband, OluwaTobi, has done his best to raise funds for the surgery, but there has not been a green light yet. Funding is the reason why Tofunmi has not been wheeled into the theatre, but her sister, Titi, who knew the financial strength of Ibrahim, her ex-boyfriend, approached him for financial support, which Ibrahim gladly offered to pick. Titi told her sister and husband that she had found a remedy for the surgery and they were glad to hear the good news, only for Titi to inform them that Ibrahim was willing to pick up the bill. Hell was let loose, in the comment section. Many felt life first before marriage. Her life should be saved first, which I utterly agree with, but I blamed Titi who flaunted Ibrahim’s wealth before her in-law. It is a slight to the man. I still believe that Titi should have been smart and trod softly knowing that the issue was quite sensitive. Yes, she was interested in saving the life of her sister, but should have known that ego and trust are key ingredients to a happy marriage. Another netizen said since Tobi would eventually find out how the bill was paid, it didn’t make sense to keep him in the dark from the onset. I disagree with this netizen because Ibrahim would always feel superior whenever he saw Tobi, knowing how they used to flock to Tofunmi’s house in their heyday. A smarter approach would be to keep it away from both until the surgery is over, and Tofunmi gets back to her feet.
