Follow Us on Google
People encounter opposition in diverse ways when it comes to marriage. But most times, love conquers all. For Apostle Goddy Nkwume and his wife, Blessing, ministers at the 35-year-old Gospel Defenders Friendly Church Inc. Kano, Kano State, even though their marriage experienced stiff opposition from one of the parents, they triumphed through the strong love they have for each other. In this interview with AGATHA EMEADI, the couple revealed, among other things, some useful tips on what to do when some developments that threaten the marital union and can lead to separation or divorce crop up.
Give us an insight into your childhood.
Apostle Goddy: I hail from Umukaru, Umueze 11, Ehime Mbano in Imo State. My twin brother and I were born into the family of Mr. Emmanuel and Mrs. Salome Nkwume of blessed memory on the 15th of October, 1957. We attended St. Emmanuel Primary School in Imo State and Ojiegbe Community School, Igbeagu, Abakiliki, Ebonyi State. Owing to family challenges, I did not have a secondary school education.
Mrs Blessing: I was born into the family of the Late Mr. and Mrs. Nwaobasi from Afor-Ugiri, Umuahia, Abia State. I was actually raised by my elder sister because I lost both parents at a tender age. My husband was the Head Pastor of the church. I have lived in Kano in the past 35 years. I am also a businesswoman.
How did you meet?
Apostle Goddy: We were in the same church in Bauchi. She was the leader of the children’s department of the church. I noticed the way she handled children and that attracted me. But by then, I had four names on my list and was praying to God to reveal to me which one of them I should marry so that I could approach the Superintendent about it. After that attraction, I added her name to the list as number 5. Lo and behold, she turned out to be the one that God picked for me.
Mrs. Blessing: Like my husband rightly said, we were in the same church in Bauchi State. While he was a pastor, I was a children’s pastor in the church. I saw him in a dream. But I never liked him at first because he was ‘too slim’. Again, I never wanted to marry a pastor. Initially, I decided not to marry when I saw many ills around marriage. But I was surprised when my Superintendent told me that the pastor has asked for my hand in marriage. From then, we courted for two years.
How did you propose?
Apostle Goddy: In our church then, one does not propose directly to a lady. It is done through the presiding pastor. Because I was already a pastor, I went through my Superintendent. She took two months to pray before reporting to my Superintendent that she had accepted my proposal.
Mrs. Blessing: He proposed to me through our Superintendent. So I took some time to pray before accepting to marry him.
Apostle Goddy: But my mother’s refusal delayed our arrangement. She said she’d rather die than see me marry from Umuahia. However, since I was getting married to please God and myself not necessarily family members, I went with some pastors, uncles and relatives and asked my mother to stay back. She didn’t see my wife until our first child arrived. She requested we bring the baby home. That was when she saw my wife for the first time.
What were the challenges you encountered at the early stage?
Apostle Goddy: Some of my siblings misunderstood the concept of marriage and reacted accordingly. So I rented another apartment for them to avoid clashing with my wife. Another early challenge was financial stability. My church then paid me N60 only. But after my wedding, it was increased to N90 monthly. While pioneering a ministry and building a growing family was financially challenging, God saw us through.
Mrs. Blessing: I called my family before our wedding and informed them that my would-be-husband is a full-time clergyman who might not have enough cash to throw around because he does not earn much. It was a journey of faith for us. Also being a young woman then, some members looked down on me. It sounded like… ‘So, this is now our pastor’s wife, eh?” But I had the assignment of supporting my husband and simply did just that.
What has kept your marriage going despite the odds?
Apostle Goddy: I believe that a good marriage is a product of sacrifices. After 33 years in marriage, I can attest that sacrifice is a major demand in marriage. One must be willing to sacrifice even on a daily basis if one wants one’s marriage to work. My wife sacrificed and supported me financially with the bride price in a way that I have not forgotten to date. After four children, we agreed and she went back to school; it was also a sacrifice. Secondly, we value and cherish our marriage. If you value something, you do not just discard it when there is an issue; you rather solve the problem and make it work. Then and again, understanding and forgiveness make it more interesting. For the fact that we are not angels, we are bound to make mistakes and are also bound to forgive each other. If you are not ready to forgive, you are not ready to marry.
Mrs. Blessing: Agape love is one important ingredient in our journey. If genuine love exists between a couple, all will work well. Again, forgiveness has helped us over the years. When you forgive, you forget and forge ahead. Then, there is sacrifice in marriage; one must keep giving and giving in prayers, advice, polite correction and genuine love.
What are the favourite things you do together as a couple?
Apostle Goddy: We are best friends and my wife is my prayer partner. I do not know how couples pray without their spouses.
Mrs. Blessing: My husband is right; we do not joke with our prayer life together.
Who apologises first?
Apostle Goddy: I apologise first. If I claim to be the head, it should include apologies as well.
Mrs. Blessing: Sometimes he does or I do. Any of us who saw the wrong act first would apologise immediately.
Is there any character in her that needs to be changed?
Apostle Goddy: There is none that I cannot tolerate or forgive since we have lived for 33 years. Though I had pointed out a few things in our younger years, I love and cherish her and would want her to be my wife if there is reincarnation.
Mrs. Blessing: I thank God that my husband is a faithful man and that is dear to me. So, there is no character I would love to change in him. But then, I do not believe in re-carnation.
What advice do you have for younger people who are trying to step into the big shoe?
Apostle Goddy: Do not marry to please anybody, not even your parents, pastor, family or friends but God and yourself. If you are going to be with someone for the rest of your life, do not rush the selection process. Again, let there be that needed maturity in a man and woman before marriage, not necessarily age, but sound maturity. We have a lot of babies getting married to other babies these days and that increases the rate of divorce cases. In the same vein, marriage is the junction most people get to and do away with God. I advise all to start the journey early enough with God. Both for the man and the woman, start praying for your spouse now and don’t wait till you are 25 or 35 before embarking on prayers. God must be the leader for one to get the best in marriage. Then let genuine love and not just lust add to the ingredients and see it work like magic. This is because, whatsoever, besides love, that pushes one into marriage might also push the same person out of it. Be it beauty, money, fame, respect, etc. When one is alone, listen to the truth of the inner heart and know if you are for love or for something else. Most separated or divorce cases heard the truth, but chose to live with lies.
Mrs. Blessing: Watch and pray. Use your eyes and your knees to seek God. Secondly, genuine love for each other takes care of most problems. Be reminded, as well, that money is not love. Forget the latest end-time preachers and their prosperity sermons. If a man loves a woman, he will labour, till the ground to feed her and her children. If a woman loves her husband, she will support him both in little and plenty. The Bible says that love covers sins and it is easy to forgive when one is in love. On a final note, do not marry out of sympathy because it is a wrong move.
