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By Josfyn Uba
Barrister Deborah Ijadele Adetona is the national president, Stand Up for Women Society. As the organisation prepares for its maiden convention, she spoke to Daily Sun on the inspiration propelling her organisation, and the focus of its forthcoming event.
What is the focus of your organisation and the upcoming event?
Stand Up for Women Society is an organisation that was started three years ago. Today, we are all over Nigeria, including Abuja. As the name implies, we are defending and advocating the rights of women. Women and children bear the brunt of the violence and killings that are prevalent all over the country. We cannot fold our arms. We need to stand up and defend the cause by ourselves, to see that women, as well as children, are well protected. After appraising the situation, we concluded that it was high time we organised a conference. The maiden event is scheduled for Lagos, with the theme “Women in Leadership: Balancing Societal Obligation with Marital and Parental Responsibilities.” We are inviting the general public to come and listen to the better options women have to offer.
Some men claim that women have abandoned their traditional roles of raising children…
The responsibility for raising children belongs to both parents. The truth is, women have to play a big part. However, if we are doing it alone without the contribution of men, we would get nowhere. While we believe that we need to support our men in providing for the family, we shouldn’t neglect our own responsibilities. Our responsibility is to take care of the children. For women neglecting their primary assignment, the result is what we are seeing these days in this country. To be sincere with ourselves, the situation of this country is making things so difficult for the family such that men cannot be abandoned to shoulder the responsibility of the breadwinner. But in as much as we are supporting them, women must not forget that we have a primary assignment to be attended to in taking care of the home, taking care of our children, taking care of whatever needs to be taken care of in our house.
Stand Up for Women Society wants to tell the whole world that a career should not be a barrier that puts our homes in shambles. When you are thinking of a career, you must look inwards and see that the home must be adequately cared for. We cannot forget our traditional role as women, and at the same time we cannot leave everything to men. Two of us must complement each other. We must do it together, both the primary and the secondary assignment; there is no way we can abandon our jobs, but a responsible woman must take care of her home.
Beyond the conference, what else will your organisation be doing as follow-up to ensure that women balance societal needs with family obligations?
Stand Up for Women Society is not a political organisation, it is a women’s organisation, a gender-based organisation that champions the responsibility, welfare and equality of the womenfolk.
We need to do a lot of follow-ups on what is happening in this country. Recently, we heard of the death of Osinachi, who was a victim of domestic violence. We are really doing the follow-up. We are not relenting. Anywhere that it is happening, you will also find us. We do our follow-up seriously to see that women are protected and adequately cared for. We are not leaving any stone unturned and our aim is to bring women up, empower them and defend their cause.
How is your organisation going to help women break the tradition of silence and make them speak up?
It is a very serious issue because, if we are talking about standing up for women, it is when we know what they are passing through that we can stand up for them. For some people, intimidation will not even allow them to speak.
What we are doing is to go down to the grassroots and, with training and seminars, let them know that silence is a killer; if any man wants to kill you and he is bragging, speak out. It is when you speak that we will be able to stand up for you. We are ready to showcase anything that pertains to women; whatever it will cost us, we shall give to ensure that women come out of their shells and say what they are passing through.
What are the consequences of abandoning family responsibilities?
The consequences are numerous but let us focus on the area of children. Part of the societal problem we have in the country today is because we abandoned our responsibilities to the young ones. The children we are bringing up today, you see what is now becoming of them. When you abandon children for the sake of your career or business, society bears the brunt. There is an adage that says ‘a child we fail to train will dispossess us of all our acquisitions.’ Some parents, father and mother, do not know how their children are faring, and that’s part of the problem. When we don’t have time for them, they will want to fend for themselves and they will indulge in all kinds of unsavoury acts. Everything is not the fault of the government. Governments will play their own part, parents, too, have a role to play. When all is well with the home, it will be well with the whole nation.
There is a popular saying that a bad child belongs to the mother and a good one belongs to the father. How can we tell the men that they are part and parcel of bringing up a healthy family?
A man and woman meet and decide that they want to get married; when you get into that relationship, men tell you to take care of “your children.” We can see what is happening to single mothers. We have been telling our men that you cannot leave this assignment to women alone because you are looking for what your family will eat, you also have a part to play in bringing up these children in a godly way, in a way that you think will be useful to this community. As we are appealing to men, we are also appealing to women. They must complement each other to bring children up in a godly way and in a way that they will be useful members of their community and the country and even be useful to themselves.
What is government’s role regarding mothers and fathers raising the younger generation?
Government is responsible for providing many amenities that the family needs but, as we all know, government has failed us. Recently, I watched students on TV carrying placards urging the government to end the ASUU strike. Most of our children now are engaged in Internet fraud, known as Yahoo-yahoo and Yahoo-plus, due to bad governance. All the children are at home now doing nothing. What then are we enjoying from this government? We are not enjoying anything, nothing. No good education, no protection, no security. The other time, I was kidnapped with my daughter and other people, we suffered a lot. Why then do we have a government? Now that the election is near, you see them running helter-skelter, seeking electorates’ votes. Once they get elected, they forget their primary responsibility to society. Yet, they can do a lot to make society better. They can do it. They should even let us enjoy basic amenities.
Finally, what do you want Nigerians to know as regards the forthcoming programme of this organisation?
Stand Up for Women Society is asking the world, not only Nigeria, to let the voice of women be heard this time around. We fought for the 35 per cent representation of women. We are saying that men cannot do this thing alone. Our primary assignment is to take care of our children and homes. Men also have their primary assignment, which is to fend for their family, to take care of the family. But the secondary assignment that borders on how to rule this country should not be an exclusive preserve of a particular gender. Society should stop asking certain questions. What are women looking for (in politics)? Can they be governors? We can even be President of this country, if we are given the opportunity.
Let us be part of this governance is all we are saying. They should let the voice of women be heard this time around. We are calling on Nigerian women to be part of our upcoming conference from June 16-18, 2022. We want to really let them know that women can also be leaders and at the same time balance societal obligations with marital and parental responsibilities.
