By Christopher Oji
Penultimate Sunday, women of Society of St. Paul Catholic Church, Obawole Estate, Iju, Lagos, joined other Catholic women across the world to celebrate the 2025 Mother’s Day. It was a funfair mixed with spirituality as the women were treated to spiritual speeches, counselling, dance and merriment by the church. It was very memorable for the women as they dined and wined with other Catholic faithful who graced the occasion.
One thing that would remain indelible in the minds of many was the mothers’ admonition that men should be celebrated since they also play motherly roles in the home.
One of the women leaders in the church, Lady Chinyere Okafor, argued that it was important to see motherhood as something that is all-encompassing, even as Mother’s Day celebration is not only for mothers but also for fathers and the girl child.
Okafor, a member of the Knights and Ladies of St. Mulumba, said anybody handling the responsibility of motherhood should be regarded as a mother. She insisted that mothers should also wish their husbands a ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ because they, alongside the children, sometimes, stand in the gap for the mothers when they are weak or unable to discharge their responsibilities. Our fathers are always there to support us, so we have to equally give them the commendation of motherhood.
“They also help us to do our work by supporting us financially, morally, socially and otherwise. If as women, our lives are not balanced psychologically, emotionally and financially, I can assure you that there is no way we can play our roles well with the children. So, when our fathers or husbands support us and stand in the gap for us, they also share in this celebration. That is why we can see the Holy Family of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. It is a total combination for it to work, it is not the responsibility of just one person,” she said.
Lady Okafor decried the trend where some women tend to entrap their husbands by shifting the act of parental discipline or punitive actions to the men, “It is a very unfortunate situation. As a church, we don’t encourage that. Even the Blessed Virgin Mary who is our role model never encouraged that. So, in all situations, we saw how she passed on every situation to God. She meditated on the situation and was also sorrowful for being together with her son in all his passion.
“What that is trying to tell us is that, as parents and as mothers in particular, we need to get to know our children better and be part and parcel of their situations. Let us not allow society to take them away from us such that we don’t know what is happening in their lives.
“When we don’t know what is happening in their lives, there is no way we can be a guide or support or pray for them. We all need to bond together. The overall message is that we need to bond together as a family so that we can achieve the goal of making the children soldiers of Christ and imitators of Christ.”
For women who are looking for the fruit of the womb, Lady Okafor advised that they should not feel bad that they were yet to have their own children but see everything as the will of God, while they continue to be fervent in prayers.
“For us as a group in the church, we believe that they are awaiting the Lord. Our Christian faith is all about faith, hope and charity. As long as we are alive, as long as they are alive, they must continue to be positive that God is going to answer their prayers because God does not deny our prayers,” she said.
She also observed that childbirth could be delayed for reasons best known to God “but in the end, their prayers would be answered, to the Glory of God.”
She noted that even the Bible recognised that some women were barren and were not able to conceive on their own. She said: “Our Lord Jesus Christ even assured them of paradise on the last day, if only they can just hold on to their faith, without losing it seeking other gods for a solution. Show every child love as some would reciprocate the love when they least expect it.”
Also, the founder of Informed and Focused Youths of St. Paul, Mrs. Chinyere Chibundu, explained that the celebration comes up immediately after the Feast of Mother Mary. She stressed that the moment the feast happens, even if it is within the week, the Sunday following it is marked as Mother’s Day.
Emphasising the significance of the celebration, she said mothers should nurture children, but with what obtains in the country today, some mothers appeared to have failed in this singular responsibility
She, however, disagreed that mothers are failing in their roles, because according to her, the role of a mother comes naturally to her the moment she gives birth to her child. “The bonding starts the moment a child is born and she begins to nurture and care for the baby. Even in animals, you see how the mother hen takes care of the chicks; the way it feeds them and protects them, that is the same way mothers take care of their babies.
“The work of a mother in this generation is already cut out for her and that is because she has to face such situations as unpopular beliefs trending within the youth space, and by the time she is nurturing in the house, the child goes out and then what you see is a different thing that he comes back home with.
“This also has to do with globalisation because cultures have been watered down. The culture that we have in Nigeria has been watered down by foreign cultures. An example is when you boys started sagging their trousers, not knowing that sagging is actually something that came up from the prison in America where prisoners are not allowed to use belts. When they come out, they’re already used to it but our youths are now copying that. Or Is it the girls going about showing so much of their bodies? I can tell you for free that many mothers are in tears. If you go to the Blessed Sacrament Chapel, you’ll see them on their knees, calling on God, crying and asking God to come to the rescue of their children.
“Mothers are not failing. Mothers are not relenting and that is one thing about mothers, they are resilient, they don’t give up, they continue. Just like the mother of Saint Augustine, she never gave up until Saint Augustine was converted. Saint Augustine later became a saint and even the mother also became a saint just for being on her knees and continuing to nurture her son.”
Youth misbehaviour, according to Chibundu, has always been there, but the resilience of the mother continues beyond breastfeeding and giving them food in the house, to knowing what to do.
She posited that many mothers are on the friend list of their children on Facebook. “Every parent should be a friend of their children on social media so you can see what is happening. Some of the groups that your child belongs to, you can become friends with their friends. When they’re in secondary school, you can invite their friends home, entertain them, talk to them and advise them so as to think in the same direction as your child because it is peer pressure that is confusing the minds of the youths,” she said.
She further explained why the world is failing to tap from the wisdom of the older generation such as grandparents, saying that in the olden days, people used to send children to their grandparents for mentoring and nurturing but many are no longer doing so these days.
“In the past, you would see that grandmothers really knew what to do. They could spank the child even though they spoil the child with food, but they would keep on saying wise things to the child.
“Today, my grandmother is overwhelmed. We’ve seen situations where a grandmother who wanted to correct her grandchild ended up being killed by the grandchild. That’s because the grandmother is overwhelmed, she cannot keep up with the level of agitation, hooliganism and disobedience in the youths of today. So, when you send them over there, by the time they get there, you’ll see the grandmother tired and stressed. Because of that, parents now find that it’s better to try their best since they’re still a bit younger to monitor them. Even at that, only the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit can bring about good morals in children.”
To buttress her points, she said: “In this church, there is a youth movement called the Informed and Focused Youth. By the grace of God, it was an initiative that was born out of my deep reflection. On that platform, we keep on bringing them together to continue to nurture them and advise them. “Above all, there is a programme we also put in place, it is called Self-Awareness Programme. The moment they are 12 years old, we bring them together and in that programme, we make them understand who they are in the church, their purpose in life and how they can be change-makers in their own generation; that is the Self-Awareness Programme.
“We normally have it once a year, during the August break when the children are on long vacation. So, they joined the programme and I have seen a lot of improvements in the youths of this church.
“Mothers take care of everybody but hardly take care of themselves. They’re care givers and mostly forgotten, especially in the past. Oh, she’s the weaker vessel, she’s a woman, she should be in the kitchen, she shouldn’t go to school, she shouldn’t do this and she shouldn’t do that. They don’t vote in some countries but over time, people have realised that we should celebrate women for all the work that they do. They’re the ones who nurture the presidents of the world. They’re the ones that nurture the reverend fathers of this world. They’re the teachers of the little children and remember the Bible admonished us to train the children the way we want them to grow, so that when they grow up they don’t depart from it. Another place says that the mind of the child is full of foolishness but with the rod of discipline, you would drive foolishness away from that child. Mothers have been doing this work tirelessly, unrecognised and unappreciated. The Catholic Church has looked at it and said let’s take out a day out of 365 days of the year to celebrate this woman that has cared for us. It also helps in gender equality. Due to Mother’s Day celebration, people now accord more respect and regard to women.
“Without marriage, there will be no children, and without the children, the marriage cannot be settled and fulfilled. First, God commanded man and woman to have companionship. Secondly, they should be help mate, and thirdly, they should go and multiply. Those are the three instructions that God gave, so my advice to women is that whatever they do, they should love their husbands and children and bring them up in the ways they’ll be beneficial not only to the families and communities but also to the church and the world at large.
“Sincerely, a greater percentage is also failing, because it is not cast in stone. When you go to some families, you discover that mothers are very strict in discipline, while in some other families, it is fathers that are strict in discipline. Sometimes, mothers don’t allow fathers to enforce discipline on the children and sometimes fathers don’t allow mothers to exercise their strict discipline in training the children. So, that is why our problem is intertwined, interwoven and complicated.
“The church, in this case, has a responsibility, starting from the singles, all the way to the youths and new parents. They have to be guided to accept this role as a joint responsibility for it to really work.
“They have to work together. They must be united, and that is what the church is promoting. Starting from family prayers, no matter how devout a woman can be, if the husband is not cooperating in certain moral and ethical standards in the home, her hard work would produce no good result. The children want to see their fathers involved in this responsibility. Starting from joint prayers, we need to inculcate the habit into the children. Also the word of God tells us that if we capture them young, they will not derail. So, it is important we start early to train the children together.”