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On Tuesday September 5, 2023, Pa James Oyewole Odetayo and his wife, Olufunke Aduke Odetayo, will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. They were teachers initially when they got married, but Pa James eventually moved on and worked with the then Electrical Corporation of Nigeria (ECN), which became Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) where he eventually retired.
Their relationship started as friends and eventually blossomed into marriage. Sixty years into their marriage, the love that binds them remains strong.
They spoke to VIVIAN ONYEBUKWA on the secret of their successful marriage.
How did it all start?
Pa James: We first met each other in 1958 when I was still in secondary school. She came to Egbe where I was attending Titcombe College. Titcombe College is now in Kogi State. There was an advertisement for Nursing programme which was why she came to Egbe.
What was the attraction for you?
Madam Olufunke: A lot of good qualities. He was very charming and a complete gentleman. As soon as I saw him, he became attracted to me and in my mind I said, this is my future husband. It was the same thing he told me that happened to him. He said as soon as he saw me he felt the same feelings. I saw a bright future in him. He was a sympathetic person.
How did you eventually get married?
Pa James: We just got to know each other and became friends at that time, and eventually we got married.
Madam Olufunke: We didn’t know that we were coming together as husband and wife. After we met, we started exchanging letters through the post office until we got married after courtship. I was teaching in one of the primary schools in Ila Orangun and he was teaching in the grammar school.
Pa James: It was God that did it. We didn’t even date. We eventually got married on the 5th of September 1963.
How did he propose to you?
Madam Olufunke: Having met at Titcombe College at that time, I cherished him. However, may be he was thinking along the same line in his mind I wouldn’t know. So during the holidays he came to Ila Orangun in Osun State where both of us came from, for a holiday. In those days, during holidays, boys used to move around looking for girlfriends. One day he came to my house with a group of friends. They were four in number, and I liked the way they were all dressed in white. They came to my late sister and myself, so one wouldn’t know whom they really wanted. When I saw him, I remembered the first time I saw him at Egbe.
What was your reaction when he proposed?
Madam Olufunke: I was so happy because I saw someone of my choice. I did not even waste time to accept his offer because I loved him so much.
Did anyone oppose the marriage?
Pa James: No. No one opposed the marriage
Madam Olufunke: My dad was very happy. He loved him that time, but there was just a little religious problem. He was a Muslim and I was a Christian. This was going on, we got to know each other and I got pregnant. His mother was anxious that we should marry which we did. Both of us were very young. As at the time we married, I was 22 years and he was 25 years. My late mother in-law was a very nice woman. She wanted us to stay together, so she organised a wedding. Before the wedding, my father in-law and my aunt went to see my father because he was not in town. He was working in Ero town in Kwara State. His name was late Moses Alabi Oluwole, the first photographer in Ila Orangun in Osun State. So my father in-law had no choice since his wife said she loved me. They gathered people together to go and meet my dad, and eventually they agreed that we should get married. The marriage went successfully well. It was a small wedding, not the type they have these days.
Pa James: I came from a Muslim background but right from the beginning I wasn’t interested in the religion then. There was a church near my house which I used to attend, and later I became a Baptist. Though I was born a Muslim, I attended a Christian school. That made me to have a Christian mind right from the beginning.
What were some of the early marriage challenges you encountered?
Pa James: I did not face any early marriage challenges.
Madam Olufunke: His parents were predominantly Muslims. I am a Christian. Even my grandfather was the founder of the first church in our town Ila Orangun, Osun State. His parents did not go kindly with us because they wanted him to marry a Muslim, but already he was a Christian in that school. He had been baptised because it was a missionary school. That was the first obstacle we had. But since the love had been rooted in God there was nothing any other person could do. Also, because we were young teachers, it was difficult for us when we first started, but by the grace of God, we started making it gradually, and today we have been able to build a solid foundation on God Almighty.
We got married in 1963 and I had my first son in 1963. That was where I had another problem. I didn’t know that they would insist on the Muslim rites. My father in-law killed a ram for the naming ceremony which did not augur well with me. But my uncle advised me to do what they wanted to since the child belongs to me. I could name the child any name I wanted. I heeded his advice. So when the second child came and we invited my father in-law to come and perform the Muslim rites, he wholeheartedly permitted us to do it the Christian way since we are Christians. That was how everything went on smoothly until my parents in-law died. My father in-law was a nice man too, just as my mother in-law.
My husband started teaching when he left the secondary school. After that he went to work with Electrical Corporation of Nigeria (ECN) in Lagos and they later sent him for training in America. I really cherished our early days in marriage. We were youths then. He bought a bicycle and with this bicycle, he would take me to school first even with my pregnancy because I was a teacher then too, before he would go to his own school. We continued that way until God continued to elevate us. We are not too comfortable now, but we are not lacking. I give glory to God for that.
How has it been?
Madam Olufunke: So far so good, but all the same, marriage is not a bed of roses. When we got married, we started living in the family house and it was tough a bit, but I was able to control myself. We did not get an apartment immediately because in our town in those days, you don’t just go out and rent a house. You would have to stay with the extended family. So there was gossiping and some sorts but my husband did not look that way. He has been a loving and helpful husband so that trouble was not much. We departed from there later to upgrade ourselves. My husband was able to gain employment with ECN. I was still a teacher and he was sent to America to study, while I went back to St Helen’s College Ondo for my Grade 2 course.
How would you describe your wife?
Pa James: My wife is beautiful. She has been nice to my family and friends since I met her. I love her so much. She is generous and has been very cooperative. We have been doing things together. I like everything about her.
What is special about him?
Madam Olufunke: I love him and he loves me. He is very special to me. His love for me is rooted in God. I give him due respect. I thank God for making me to make the right choice. We have mutual understanding. I respect him as the head of the house. Till today, he still takes care of me at our old age. I’m grateful for whatever he gives me, because I know both of us are retirees. At times when things are hard up, I have to persevere and continue with mutual love. I don’t deny him of whatever he wants. That is what has been keeping us together.
How do you know when your spouse is angry?
Madam Olufunke: He would be too quiet and I would want to find out why and we would eventually resolve it.
Pa James: She does not keep quiet whenever she is angry. So what I do is that I would start keeping quiet when I discover that she is angry, and after sometime I would talk to her and we resolve the matter amicably.
Is there anything she does that you hate?
Pa James: I can’t remember anything that she does that I hate. When she gets angry I just cool her down.
Sixty years after marriage, do you still sleep together?
Madam Olufunke: We have been sleeping together but as a result of circumstances at a time when he was sick, I moved into another room.
Pa James: We don’t sleep together regularly, but now at times when circumstances demand, we do.
What’s his best food?
Madam Olufunke: He loves pounded yam and efo, and then white beans.
