‘Help, before I choke my husband to death’

Dear njigirl,

my husband and I got married five years ago but things are no longer working, as they should. He stays late every night from work and even works weekends. He has been doing this for the past month claiming there is so much work. I found out that it is a lie.

My friend works in the same company and she told me that only senior managers are involved in the project he claims he is part of.
Last week I went to his office and waited from 6pm to close to 12 midnight. He never came out so I went home. My husband did not even come home until 5am pretending to be so exhausted. I am so disgusted I might choke him.
Should I confront him with what I know thus far? What’s your advice Njigirl? 

ν Monique

Dear Monique

It is clear that there is something or someone is distracting him. Also on the day he went to work on ‘a special project’, he had other plans which did not include work.

What I don’t like is a situation where you put yourself at risk because you want to prove a point. Why would you stay out till midnight in his office? Don’t you know that he could claim harassment? Did you think of the security personnel in the office building monitoring you? After all that ‘vigil you went home and continued watching, as he did not even come home until 5am.
I think you can read in-between the lines. Now you have to ask yourself some questions before you decide to confront him. First, consider that he will deny your assertions, secondly if he accepts that he is in another relationship what will you do about it? Are you ready to call it quits? If so, you don’t need to confront him and waste energy. You may just abandon your five-year hard work in building the relationship. If you do not talk to him, you may not be able to determine why he is behaving the way he is but then he may blame you for his behavior. So I recommend you do a soul search first to find out if your behavior (past or present) has contributed in any form to his attitude. Has he fallen out of love?  Where are you on that score? Do you still love him?

These are all the things you must consider before deciding to love him and endure or hate him and move out.

The choice is yours to make.

ν Dr. NJ