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The name on everybody’s lips now is Oluwabamise Ayanwole. The young lady who had her whole life ahead of her but whose stay on earth was cut short by criminals. Ayanwole was going about her normal business when she took a trip on a state run Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) vehicle on February 26. Little did she know that her time on earth was coming to an end.
While on the journey from Chevron bus stop in Lekki to Oshodi on the mainland, 22-year-old Bamise lost her life under chilling circumstances. Her corpse was discovered a week later on Carter bridge, Lagos Island. The news of her death has angered a lot of Nigerians while her family is consistently demanding for justice for their daughter.
On that fateful trip, Bamise noticed that something wasn’t right. She alerted her friend, Felicia Omolara about what was going on in the Lagos State owned bus she boarded. When she noticed that there were only three passengers in the bus and when the bus didn’t stop to pick more passengers, she became concerned. She recorded and sent voice notes to her friend on Whatsapp.
Whenever I write about women and girls not being safe in Nigeria, you will see men trying so hard to divert attention from the issue at hand. They will start saying that men are not safe too and ask what women are doing about it. They will tell me not to make it a gender issue.
Whenever I write about how women and girls being endangered species in Nigeria and how they are not safe even in their homes, you will see men claiming that men are victims too and we must speak out for them. But when these men see their fellow men sexually molesting women and girls, they keep quiet.
When you go on social media pages of news outlets and blogs and read comments about a case of rape or sexual assault, you will see men blaming women and girls for what men did to them. You will get angry at their insensitivity regarding the safety and we’ll being of women and girls in Nigeria.
When the same men who claim that women are safe see their friends spike the drinks of women in order to weaken them and rape them, they will keep quiet. That is when they will remember the bro code. Some of them don’t even care if their sisters, mothers, daughters and nieces are victims of other men’s animalistic behaviour. They won’t call these men who hurt, rape and kill women to order.
When these men who are quick to blame women for getting raped, killed and body parts harvested see men groping and touching women inappropriately, they won’t say anything. They will blame the women for dressing so provocatively. Some will even blame the women for being so beautiful that the men groping them find them irresistible.
That was how one guy told me that if a woman is so beautiful and if he woos her and she rejects him, he would round up his boys so that they would rape her and humble her. According to him, gang raping a woman is a humbling experience for turning down his advances. Is it by force? Must a woman say yes to every man’s whims? I’m sure he won’t sleep that night after what I told him.
When these men who claim not all men hurt women see men beat women for flimsy reasons, they suddenly become blind, deaf and dumb. That is when they will understand that minding your business is an acquired skill. The least some men would do when they witness a man beating a woman is telling the woman to stop talking back at him. Some will insinuate that her ‘sharp mouth’ is the reason she’s getting beaten.
The annoying thing about men keeping silent in the face of women’s abuse is blaming the victim for what a man is doing to her. You won’t see these women beaters fight their fellow men no matter how much they provoke them or insult them. They are good at flexing muscles when they are with women because they know that nothing will happen. They know that they can count on the silence and indifference of other men to continue hurting women.
When some men hear that a man raped a woman, they blame her for dressing seductively, blame her for going out late, blame her for not greeting him, blame her for not respecting him enough, blame her for being so beautiful, blame her for struggling with her attacker. Some even blame women who were raped for being so arrogant. How about women start doing the same thing to men for treating them badly? Will there be peace in this country? No.
When a man sexual molests little girls in his care including his daughter and niece, other men blame their wives or girlfriends for not giving him enough sex. They blame the victims for going too close to the man. They blame the girls for sprouting breasts, blame them for wearing pampers, blame them for not shouting enough, blame them for even existing. It so tiring reading stories of men hurting little girls, destroying their lives and getting away with it.
When a man kills a woman for rituals purposes, other men will blame her for wanting to chill with the big boys. They blame the victim for leaving her broke boyfriend to end up killed and body parts dismembered. They will blame her for visiting a man, blame her for not seeing the signs that the man is a psycho. They will blame her for dating the wrong man. These men won’t say anything about the men committing crimes and killing people’s innocent children just to fulfill their selfish needs.
When a man beats his wife and girlfriend, Nigerian men will ask her what she did to provoke him, they will ask her to check herself to find out what she’s not doing right. They will advise her to stop talking back at him and keep quiet whenever he’s talking because he’s a man. They will blame her for his actions but won’t say anything to him. As long as he’s a man, he can do no wrong. Women are always to blame. Women provoke men to beat them, rape them, kill them and use them for rituals purposes.
When guys see other guys catcalling women and making annoying comments about their bodies, they won’t call these guys to order. They won’t tell them to stop what they are doing. They will blame the ladies for ignoring these guys who they claim like them. You can’t even go to some markets in peace as a woman living in Nigeria. You will see badly raised boys catcalling you, insulting you, dragging you by the hand, groping you in public when you ignore them and their fellow men won’t say anything. To them, it is normal.
When men see other men hurting women, they keep quiet. They pretend not to know what is happening. They cover up for one another and blame the victims instead. It is sad that at this age and time, women and girls can’t even go out in peace because they don’t know who they will meet on the way and what the person is capable of. As a woman in this society, you are always on edge because of men. It is sad. Whenever I see young girls going to school or coming back home, I say a silent prayer for them. I pray that no gender based harm comes to them.
With everything that is happening to women and girls in this country, most Nigerian men claim that it is not a gender issue. Women and girls are not safe in school, in religious places, in the markets, in public buses, in taxis, on the roads and even at home. Whenever a story breaks like that of the late Bamise Ayanwole didn’t record voice notes that led to the cracking of her kidnap and murder case, Nigerian men would have called her a slay Queen who was killed because she wanted to date a rich man.
The safety of women and girls in this country is a gender issue. Women and girls are not safe in this country because of men. Men are hunting women, raping them, killing them and harvesting their organs. And it doesn’t matter if women and girls stay out, stay in school or stay at home, men still go after them wherever they are and harm them because they see them as easy preys. This has to stop. As a man, ask yourself what you are doing to make sure women and girls are safe in this country.
