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It has been an age-old maxim: The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. That would be through good food or through the kitchen where it is cooked by the woman.
That has been challenged by no less a woman than Aisha Falode. “Forget about the food (prepared in the kitchen). It is the food in the bedroom that is more important,” she said in an interview in a national newspaper long ago.
Aisha is an experienced woman, a brilliant sports journalist, who has been a women national team coordinator and CAF Media Committee member.
The bedroom food
Speaking in a similar vein, Aisha had said in her interview: “ If you talk to 10 men, 90.9 per cent of them, that is almost a 100 per cent, will tell you that what goes on in the bedroom is much more important than what is in the plate on the table. Talk to them. That is what they go after when they go after girlfriends. The girlfriends don’t cook for them. It is what they do with these men that take the men to them. Let’s don’t pretend as women…
“Be creative. ‘Daddy, it’s me and you tonight.’ Recreate that old time and they will enjoy it….
“Forget about food. Although it is also important, those people they are going out to see are not cooking for them. That is the truth. Let’s be frank about it. Perhaps, if I was as matured as I am when I got married, I could keep my home. But I wasn’t mature. If I get a second chance today, God help the lady that will come and take my place. She will have to toil for it.
“This is the time for women to wake up. Keep your relationship. Keep your man, whatever it takes. What is it that he is going to look for outside? I will give him double at home. This is what men want. We brought them to the programme on how to sustain your marriage, and they told us verbatim. Forget about the food. It is the food in the bedroom that is more important. Maybe in the days of our mothers, you know they were traditionalists, they were not adventurous.”
Ahh, that reminded me of a puzzle my circle of friends tried in vain to crack at the university. Our friend Oscar’s girlfriend was relatively ugly so we wondered why he was keeping her. Anytime we asked him, his response was, “hmmmmm,” to which he added, “you won’t understand.” When he confessed months later, it wasn’t about her cooking. It was bedroom stuff; and it was our turn to exclaim, “hmmmmm!” Oscar married Gifty eventually and they are still a happy couple.
I have also read that in a popular experiment, when a hungry and isolated male mouse was exposed to food and a female mouse upon its release, it went for the later first.
Not that simple
But as we have said here before, it is not that simple. Passion is mostly driven by imagination and fantasy, while familiarity tends to kill them. From years of living with a partner you tend to know so much about him or her that there is little to fire the imagination or excitement you would get from outside. That should not be the reason for a partner to roam for there is nowhere like home for peace.
Indeed, after years of living together, the sexual desirability for both husband and wife, (or for both partners), drop. Studies have testified to that. In a recent study by Dr. David Schnarch, who sampled 20, 000 people, most people have sexual desire problems.
• 35% almost always have sexual desire problems before they have sex.
• Another 25% usually have desire problems.
• And another 25% have desire problems some times.
• Only 9% rarely have desire problems.
• Another 6% never had desire problems.
Based on that, Schnarch says: “When 60% of people have ongoing sexual desire problems, and another 25% have them intermittently, by any scientific standard it’s prudent to say normal people have sexual desire problems. Arguably, you’re abnormal if you don’t!”
So why should it be left for the wife alone to address this problem to keep a home?
