It was a warm Saturday afternoon in Ibadan, and the sun filtered through the curtains of Mama Titi’s parlour. I had stopped by to visit, as I often did, to share a meal and listen to her stories. At 72, she had a wealth of wisdom, especially on matters of the heart. As we sipped our zobo, she looked at me thoughtfully and said, “My dear, do you know the secret to a lasting marriage?” I smiled, expecting a tale of love or perhaps a humorous anecdote. Instead, she leaned in and whispered, “Respect. Mutual respect.” Her words lingered with me, prompting reflections on the marriages I had observed—some thriving, others faltering. In our Nigerian society, where traditions and modernity often collide, the concept of mutual respect in marriage is both timeless and timely.
Consider the story of Chinedu and Amaka, a couple from Enugu. Chinedu, a civil engineer, and Amaka, a schoolteacher, had been married for over a decade. Their friends often remarked on the harmony in their relationship. When asked about their secret, Amaka would say, “We respect each other’s individuality. We listen, we support, and we never belittle.” Their marriage wasn’t devoid of challenges. Financial strains, family pressures, and the demands of raising children tested their bond. Yet, their mutual respect acted as a buffer, allowing them to navigate storms without capsizing. In contrast, I recall the tale of Kunle and Sade from Lagos. Their union began with passion but gradually eroded due to a lack of respect. Kunle often dismissed Sade’s opinions, making decisions without consulting her. Sade, feeling undervalued, withdrew emotionally. Their home became a battleground of silent treatments and unspoken resentments. Eventually, they drifted apart, not due to a lack of love, but a deficiency of respect.
These narratives underscore a fundamental truth: love may ignite a relationship, but respect sustains it. In many Nigerian homes, traditional roles dictate that the man is the head of the household. While this structure can function harmoniously, problems arise when it breeds dominance rather than partnership. Mutual respect doesn’t negate cultural values; instead, it enhances them by fostering understanding and cooperation. For instance, in Yoruba culture, the concept of “Omoluwabi” embodies virtues like respect, humility, and integrity. A true Omoluwabi treats others with dignity, regardless of status or gender. When both spouses embrace these principles, their relationship flourishes. Moreover, mutual respect manifests in everyday actions. It’s in acknowledging your partner’s efforts, valuing their opinions, and supporting their aspirations. It’s refraining from derogatory remarks, especially in public, and addressing disagreements with civility.
Communication plays a pivotal role. When couples engage in open, honest dialogues, they create a safe space for expression. This environment encourages vulnerability, allowing partners to share fears, dreams, and concerns without judgment. In our fast-paced world, where external pressures abound, couples must consciously cultivate respect. This involves setting boundaries, honouring commitments, and prioritising each other’s well-being. It’s about recognising that both partners bring unique strengths to the relationship and that collaboration, not competition, is key.
Furthermore, mutual respect sets a positive example for children. When they witness their parents treating each other with kindness and consideration, they internalise these behaviours, shaping their future relationships. Mutual respect is the bedrock of a resilient marriage. It transcends fleeting emotions, anchoring couples through life’s ebbs and flows. As Mama Titi wisely said, “Respect is the oil that keeps the marital engine running smoothly.” Let us, therefore, strive to infuse our relationships with this quiet power, ensuring they not only endure but thrive.
For further comment, please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0909 041 9057; [email protected]