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Wole drove in from the site where he had gone to see his staff. He told his wife Bola that he was not feeling well. Bola asked if he wanted to eat and rest or if they would go see a doctor? He repeated that he was tired. Seeing that he was unusually weak, Bola insisted on taking him to see the doctor.
Wole and Bola were quickly ushered into the doctor’s consulting room. As the doctor tried to check his vitals, he noticed that Wole could not move his body. The doctor pressed hard on Wole’s chest, there was no response. Quickly, he initiated a resuscitation procedure, without success. Just like that, Wole gave up the ghost. With unfeigned anguish, the doctor blurted out: “He walked into my consulting room a few minutes ago, and he cannot walk out again. He concluded that Wole must have had a cardiac arrest.
Bola was inconsolable, wailing: “What? Have I become a widow?” Totally shocked by what happened in her presence, she muttered to herself, “How, how. What happened to Wole? We had plans to visit our only daughter in school tomorrow? I was preparing part of the meal before he walked in.”
This is the situation of many men and women today. These days, death just happens without any warning. It does not give signs or ring a bell. Some illnesses and fatal accidents may give such warnings, but not at all times. The devastating situation throws one off balance.
The suddenness of death is one major, compelling reason for men and women to revive or re-ignite the fire of marital romance and intimacy. Life is too short, so make the best of it. Reduce stress in your marital relationships. Be positive, responsible and lovable.
Again, Patience has not recovered from the experience of husband’s death. She recounted to a friend: “We had a very big argument that morning over who was spending more on feeding and house rent. I had my fashion business on the fringes of Ikoyi. My late husband had his business too. We moved in after our traditional marriage and shared the bills. He agreed to pay the house rent, while I provided food.
“Within three months, I realized I spent so much on food and asked if we could do a reversal. It led to a heated argument that morning and he left the home with anger. The next I heard was the news of his death. He was walking across Awolowo road, when a speeding Hausa commercial motorcyclist knocked him down. His head hit the asphalt road and he became still. Dead. What am I doing here? I cannot live alone.”
Franklin and Roli, have lived for eight years, in a seemingly loveless marriage. They lived like flatmates. Frank was going through a harrowing relationship with his female personal assistant and side chick, Rossie, who was pregnant for him. Using the pregnancy as leverage, the PA was making hefty financial demands on him. Frank begged his sidechick to take it easy, considering that he was married with children. Rossie asked for a Range Rover Hotspot as a birthday gift. She wanted a first class ticket for a vacation in the Caribbean, otherwise she would let the cat out of the bag. She kept milking Frank until the demands began affecting his business. Frank kept hiding what he was going through in the tormenting relationship outside his marriage. The cost of the extortion became too much for him, especially after Rossie demanded for an exquisite flat in a choice area, which became the stroke that broke the camel’s back. Frank took his own life by drinking poison. Just before he died, he sent Rossie a message saying, ‘You won’
His wife Roli could not hold herself. Going through his phone and seeing all that transpired between her husband and Rossie, she threw herself on the floor, in deep sorrow. “I cannot believe that the husband of my youth went through all these without my knowledge. If only I had known, if I had reconciled with him, maybe he would have opened up to me. If I was talking to him…,” she muttered. But it was too late.
Now, the reason most women cry their hearts out when they lose their loved one is when they remember their poor relationships with the dead. They wish the hand of the clock could be turned back for them to turn a new leaf.
Interestingly, it has become necessary for couples to reactivate their love mode no matter how bad. It is even greater and better to reboot your own love mode and be in perfect control of it. It could be done through effective communications, positivity, good conduct and wisdom. Though one might not be 100% in control of another person’s life, there must be answers along the line. I read a very touching message online where a celebrated female artiste whose marriage broke down, said “Ladies, please try and resolve you differences with your husbands. Separation and divorce are not the best options except there is domestic violence where one should run for their dear life. Most of us who are separated wear the shoe and know where it is pinching. Forget all the social media rabble-rousing who praise the woman for leaving her marriage. There is a big disadvantage to that.
She also tackled the manner in which these ladies are addressed as kings, queens, strong women, this and that.” While admonishing ladies to resolve their challenges, she then asked; when most of the couples remain in enmity, what do they want to achieve?
Interestingly, common knowledge has shown that all the challenges in marital relationships could be resolved if only the victims are interested in changing their mindset. That men need their respect intact is not contestable while women go over the hills for their love and care.
Couples can bounce back in the wee hours of the night when they are alone in their private corner, both lie skin-to-skins. Such moments send out sensational good signals as most couples resolve their differences within that space. It usually is a great moment for both especially when the body becomes warm and heated up. A heated man whose third leg is in dire need of a hole to explore can have a change of mindset to live better.
Sending romantic text messages, emoji of appreciation are greater ways to improve and reassure love at its peak. Communication remains a powerful tool in relationships for the man and the woman. Love letters remain a powerful tool in the minds of many. The content of the love message settles in a partner’s heart like a pillar. Such words calm frail nerves.
Another great way of reigniting love flames is by loving each other’s family unconditionally. There is nothing that gladdens a man’s heart like knowing his wife loves and respects his family. Julie, a pharmacist, would go out of the blues to shop during festive periods and quietly go visit her parents-in-law. She keeps good touch without her husband’s knowledge. With them, her husband emulated his wife’s attitude and began to pay homage to her own parents.
In the same vein, surprise your partner with a super bed-side breakfast. Let him or her feel the love with your actions.
Again, how can a relationship survive without proper communication? It is the rock behind relationships. Pouring out one’s heat releases tensions and deep feelings. When a partner is angry over an issue, it might be a simple explanation, or apology or smile; but once communication takes place; all resentment, bitterness and hatred will disappear. People who want the flame of their love to keep shining might not need a third party, instead tell themselves the truth, live up to expectations and be of good conduct.
Dear Nigerian men and women, the reaction of anguish and sorrow when a partner dies is the very reason that should make spouses purge themselves of bad feelings, hurt they experienced and forgive each other, and resolve to re-fire marital romance, to make life better.
