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This column is set to briefly detail aspects of communication in the English language that will be useful for readers’ day-to-day interactions with others.
Phone etiquette
Ever picked a call and felt disparaged by the attitude of the caller (someone calls you and asks, ‘Who is this?’)? Or placed a call only to meet with subtle or overt hostility from the receiver? Or worse still, ever had to deal with those who do not pick their calls because they do not know the caller? Ever hanged out with a partner who can’t seem to keep their phone away?
There’s quite a lot to do with phone etiquette that we need to be reminded about. In this article, we will check out a few things to keep in mind before making or while receiving that call. It is important because making phone calls has become a regular part of our lives – we have an acute need for communication in all facets of our lives! In Nigeria, it is common to begin a call with ‘hello’. For one thing, the tone you employ in saying that could make a lot of difference. A soft tone says to your listener that you are a calm person to relate with. If you do not know the caller, you may introduce yourself and calmly ask who they are. It is best not to place people in an awkward position when we make calls – go ahead and introduce yourself right away! Don’t assume that the person knows you or should recognise your voice (even if they’re someone you’re familiar with). How about smiling as you take or make a call? It affects how you speak and makes a difference – your mood is contagious (always transfer positive vibes!); smiling does make you happy – even if you are not, you can force yourself to smile and it changes your mood instantly (practise smiling before and after receiving a call and see how great that makes you feel).
In the series to follow, details will be shared as a reminder on how to manage the use of phones at the workplace, when with friends, spouse and children. Be sure to avail yourself of the information and, more important, begin to practise the suggestions or improve on what you have already been doing. By doing this, you will prove that you value precious relationships over mundane devices and even contacts that may not cherish you as much as your loved ones who are right there with you seeking your attention.
How should you manage your phone at the workplace and when with your friends?
In this series, we consider proper ways of behaving with our phones when we are at the workplace and when with our friends. Everyone likes to feel acknowledged and respected; however, certain ways of acting with our phones can send the wrong message across to our loved ones. Consider the following points and spot areas for improvement.
While in the office, you can consider setting your phone to a silent mode or one that won’t disturb others. That way you show consideration to other users of the office space. If your ringtone must be heard because your job requires you to take calls frequently, kindly check out a proper and professional ringtone that isn’t distracting. Do you know that colleague who won’t stop fiddling with their phone while meetings are going on? Such attitudes show poor phone etiquette. While in a meeting, endeavour to keep your phone away so you can focus. One way to achieve focus is to gaze, not stare, at the speaker who has the floor at any given time during the meeting. Some decide not to take their phones with them to the meeting room just to be sure that they are not tempted to steal a look at their message apps.
When with friends
Honestly, how do you feel when you are with your friends and they are having to fiddle with their phones, respond to chats or make calls while you’re having conversations with them? Feels good? Never! You likely feel looked down upon and disrespected. I know that we often have a lot of things to handle almost at the same time! However, that in itself is not reason enough to make others feel less by the way we treat them. You could decide on the length of time you want to spend in other people’s company and possibly let them know if you have other things you must catch up with. Keeping the phone away while with your friends is a good way to show honour and respect for them. Savour the moment – look into their eyes, enjoy their smiles, feel their pain. And let them do the same with you.
When with your spouse and children
Phone use should be discouraged when you are with your loved one. Try having moments for interactions with your spouse without your phones, and see how that helps you both to forge the bonds of love and make them stronger. It is likely you are better able to have heartfelt conversations devoid of distractions. Can your mate access your phone? That’s a sensitive matter to some people, but it does help a relationship when spouses can freely access each other’s devices and know that there is nothing to hide.
When with your children
Much the same applies to the use of phones when with your children. They deserve your attention, and you do have to set the pattern for them to follow. For one thing, children learn from example. So, if they notice that even when you are on your phone and they come to you, you readily put your phone aside, you communicate to them the importance of your relationship with them over the device. For another thing, that teaches them to do the same. When you need their attention, they know to put their devices away. This also helps them build better relationships with others and not let the use of their device interfere.
In summary, be nice and friendly when you take or make a call. Smile! It helps you relieve stress, and it passes a message across to your listener. Also, be quick about introducing yourself when you make a call or take one (albeit the onus is more on the caller to do this). When with friends or family, remember to as much as possible keep the phone away – enjoy your time with them. When at work or at meetings, set your phone in a way that won’t disturb others and show you off as disengaged or distracted. You may put your phone on the flight mode if you do not want messages or calls coming in during the meeting, or you may simply set the phone on a silent mode. By doing these, you reflect a knowledge of proper phone etiquette applicable to various settings, and you become more endeared to the people you love and those you work with.
Words we commonly mispronounce
In our everyday interactions with others, we sometimes tend to be so casual that we don’t pay attention to our use of certain expressions. Inevitably, such ways of speaking tend to creep into our formal situations when we have to be professional.
I’m going to use letters to demonstrate the right ways to pronounce the words I’ll be sharing here. Note that the capitalised part indicates that you place the stress or force on that part of the word. Consider the following:
First is the word ‘restaurant’. As you will notice, the word has three syllables; however, only two syllable are pronounced because the middle ‘au’ disappears. So, say ‘REStront’ as in ‘I am going to the ‘REStront’.
A second word to note is the commonly mispronounced one – vegetables; oftentimes, I hear it pronounced as four syllables; however, there’s actually only three syllables here. So, let’s go: ‘VEGtable’, as in ‘Would you kindly buy some VEGtables for me?’ That makes your speaking sound quintessential, doesn’t it?
‘Chocolate’ is another word to register. Normally, the word has three syllables, but it is pronounced as two: ‘CHOKlet’, as in ‘My children love CHOKlets’! Remember where to place the stress while pronouncing this word.
A very common word used on a weekly basis is ‘Wednesday’. Because it’s a day that shows up once every week, we have a reason to talk about the day. How should the word be pronounced? As a three-syllable word? Not at all. This day of the week is pronounced as two syllables: ‘WENZday’, as in ‘I love WENZdays!’ Be different, okay? Don’t go along with the crowd in pronouncing this word as three syllables.
Finally, as controversial as some see the word ‘comfortable’, here you can find an easy way to pronounce it. It is naturally a four-syllable word. The controversy lies in some persons pronouncing all four syllables, and others three. Americans particularly do the former. I discovered that some British pronunciation have it as three as well, while others keep to four, hence the controversy. Here, we choose to go with the three syllables just so you know what’s obtainable out there, so we say: ‘COMFtable’. In this case, the ‘or’ disappears in pronunciation. Try this to sound classy!
Rather than say ‘goodbye,’ say this
In today’s episode, we consider practical ways we can communicate with others to let them know we are about to take our leave. We definitely do have to communicate our exit at one point in time or the other – when we attend occasions, conclude a meeting, need to relocate, finish a training, graduate from school and may not see our classmates again, or during the year end when everyone has to go on a long break from work. What expression(s) other than ‘goodbye’ might we use to have a closure? In other words, how can we say ‘goodbye’ without necessarily having to say goodbye? That sounds tricky, but we do not always have to use the word ‘goodbye’ – I don’t know if we use this word that much in real life situations. There are other fun ways to announce our leave or to say our goodbyes:
Simply say ‘bye’. We often say this accompanied with a smile. You may choose to duplicate the ‘bye’ and say ‘bye-bye’ – this works best when relating with younger children (works best when accompanied with the right tone).
Also, you can choose to say ‘see you soon’, especially if you intend to see the person some other time but, if on the same day, you could say ‘see you later’.
Suppose you are at a function and you need to leave. You could simply announce, ‘I’m going to take my leave now’ or ‘I have to leave now’. Sometimes, that may still be accompanied with a ‘bye’ or ‘bye everyone’ (remember Zoom meetings with friends or colleagues and having to take your leave?)
‘I’m heading off’, ‘I’m off’, and ‘I’ve got to get going’ are additional phrases people use when taking their leave.
What if you met someone for the first time? You could say to them ‘It was nice to meet you’ or ‘It was nice meeting you’. And if you wanted them to stay in touch, you could as well add ‘Do stay in touch’ or ‘let’s be in touch’.
Stand out by using these expressions rather than just saying ‘goodbye’. Don’t take the regular and preferred route everyone else takes because it’s simpler and less cumbersome. Don’t worry about people seeing you as being weird or different because, indeed, you are different!
Stop saying ‘I’m sorry’
There are also other expressions we can use when we do need to sincerely apologise for something we did wrong. Rather than simply saying ‘sorry’, consider in this episode other expressions that will serve the purpose.
What can you say when you need to apologise in an elegant, posh and sophisticated manner? I’ve got you covered. Feel free to use the following tips (adapt them to suit your peculiar circumstances) and see how it turns out!
‘I really hope you can find it within you/your heart to forgive me for this.’
This expression is powerful because it can pierce through (in a positive way) to the heart of the offended person. They’re not bad persons, so they must try to forgive!
‘It won’t happen again. I promise.’
Use this when you have tendered your apology. It serves to wrap up your apology in a calm and soothing way that should touch the heart of your listener.
‘I messed up when I did that. I shouldn’t have.’
This is a double stroke apology that when used together has a lasting effect on your listener. You show your vulnerability and sincerity in saying you are sorry. Be sure to mean it!
If you wanted to sound so posh while delivering your apology, then go ahead and say this:
‘I’m ever so sorry to have done a thing like (name the thing).’
This gets your listener relating to the depth of your apology. Be sure to accompany this with the right disposition otherwise it might not matter.
Yet another way to convey your deepest apologies without necessary sounding boring and old-fashioned is to say this:
‘I owe you an apology for interfering in this matter.’
We like to be owed something like an apology; it makes us feel good when we sense that people who offend us are really sorry about what they have done, and we tend to forgive them once the apology is issued. What do you think?
The last one I’d like to share here is a special one because it reveals a great deal of vulnerability on your part:
‘It was wrong/so wrong of me to have assumed this position and gone ahead to make the decision without seeking your input. It was not my intention to be presumptuous. I hope I can be forgiven.’
This expression, coupled with sincerity of purpose and intention, certainly paves the way for forgiveness to be issued!
With this, you can be sure to hear: ‘Go and sin no more!’
