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By Oluseye Ojo
In many Nigerian homes, the average boy grows up on a steady diet of familiar, unyielding phrases, including: ‘Be strong’, ‘Men don’t cry’, ‘Man up’, and ‘Stop behaving like a woman’.
From his earliest years, he is conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a flaw and emotional silence is the ultimate marker of strength.
Society applauds the emotionally detached male, celebrates the tough boy, and mocks those who openly voice their sadness or mental struggles.
But beneath the forced toughness lies a dangerous and quiet reality. Millions of Nigerian boys are currently battling deep emotional trauma, depression, substance abuse, loneliness, and severe economic pressure with virtually no support system.
The troubling reality took centre stage in Ibadan recently when the Twenty-One Five Child Foundation (TIFF) organised an advocacy programme to commemorate the 2026 International Day of the Boy Child, with the theme: ‘Redefining Masculinity: Raising Responsible, Respectful, and Emotionally Aware Boys’.
What was initially expected to be a routine ceremonial gathering quickly transformed into a raw, unfiltered conversation about masculinity, mental health, neglect, and the hidden burdens weighing on young males across the country.
Inside the venue, the depth of the crisis became clear. Boys who would ordinarily never speak publicly about their struggles began asking deeply personal questions via anonymous notes.
Some sought help for addiction. Others opened up about emotional pain, family expectations, relationship failures, depression, and the paralysing fear of the future.
For many of the participants, it was the very first time adults genuinely listened to them without judgment.
The summit might have exposed a glaring national blind spot that the Nigerian boy child is probably hurting, but society has been too busy demanding strength from him to notice his pain.
The overlooked child
For decades, gender advocacy and child development campaigns in Nigeria have understandably focused heavily on the girl child. This was necessary to combat historical inequalities, discrimination, and the denial of opportunities faced by women.
Global visibility and institutional funding have backed initiatives for girl-child education, empowerment, and protection against child marriage.
However, experts at the Ibadan event warned that while society fought these crucial battles for girls, the psychological struggles of boys quietly slipped into the background.
Advocates at the summit clarified that paying attention to the boy child does not mean diminishing the importance of girl-child advocacy. Instead, they argued that a healthy society must intentionally raise emotionally balanced, and responsible boys alongside empowered girls.
The facilitators at the programme raised the alarm that the consequences of neglecting these boys are already playing out openly across the country. They added that the rising waves of cultism, gang violence, drug abuse, cybercrime, high school dropout rates, and youth suicide are clear warning signs of a deepening social crisis.
Many boys are growing up angry and isolated, yet very few people are asking why, they added.
Confronting the issue directly, the Founder and Executive Director of TIFF, Ambassador Tolu Taiwo, noted that boys are carrying immense emotional weight because of toxic societal conditioning.
“Young boys should feel less pressured. We want them to amplify their voices and speak up. Boys have emotions too. Society keeps telling them boys do not cry and that they must always be strong, but boys also need support and understanding,” Taiwo stated.
Her observations hit home. Several of the anonymous questions submitted by the boys moved panellists to tears by exposing the raw trauma many endure in secret.
Taiwo explained that behind the confident front that many boys put up publicly lies a mix of fear, anxiety, and unhealed emotional wounds.
“A lot is going on in their lives and we are not here to judge them. We want them to ask questions about anything, including career, politics, entrepreneurship, sex, masculinity, hygiene, relationships, or mental health,” she said.
Redefining ‘man up’
One of the most damaging cultural doctrines in African communities, according to experts on the occasion, is the absolute suppression of male emotion.
From childhood, a crying boy is ridiculed, a vulnerable boy is mocked, and a struggling youth is simply told to ‘be a man’. Over time, boys learn to internalise their pain rather than process it.
Mental health practitioners, in many of the health-related articles online, warned that the habit has produced generations of emotionally disconnected men who struggle with communication, domestic relationships, anger management, and overall psychological wellbeing.
Keynote speaker at the summit, Kayode Adamolekun, challenged the long-standing traditional notions that equate masculinity with aggression, pride, and silence.
“True masculinity is not about intimidation or acting tough. It is rooted in responsibility, discipline, consistency, and respect for others,” he stated.
Adamolekun further argued that crying should never be viewed as a sign of weakness.
“Crying is not a sign of weakness. If you are emotionally broken, cry. Don’t bottle things up. Emotional intelligence is one of the greatest qualities for long-term success.”
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Increasingly, psychologists are aligning with this view, pointing out that boys who are forced to hide their emotions often grow into men with violent tendencies or severe mental health issues because they never learned how to express pain safely.
In essence, society punishes boys for being emotionally honest, only to turn around and condemn the damaged men they become.
One of the speakers during the panel discussion session, Akinsete Olakunle, stressed the importance of self-awareness, responsibility and emotional intelligence in raising well-rounded young men.
Financial pressure and quick money trap
Beyond emotional neglect, the current economic hardship in Nigeria has worsened the plight of the boy child. In many communities, young boys face intense pressure to become financial providers long before they reach adulthood.
To meet the heavy financial expectations, many dropped out of school to learn trades prematurely, while others drift into internet fraud (Yahoo Yahoo), commercial motorcycle riding, gambling, and street hustling. For these boys, childhood is cut short.
The Project Lead for TIFF, Promise Ihezie, expressed deep concern over declining school enrolment among boys and the dangerous glorification of wealth among teenagers.
“There is pressure to compete, make money, and take care of responsibilities. But boys must understand that there is no strength in hiding pain. If you need help, seek help.”
The concern is shared by education stakeholders at the summit, who worry that harsh economic realities are pushing boys away from classrooms and into criminal environments.
The pressure is amplified by social media, where teenage boys are constantly bombarded with images of luxury cars, expensive lifestyles, and influencers flaunting unexplainable wealth.
It is believed that this breeds a deep sense of inadequacy, driving many into depression or desperation.
Escaping through substance abuse
The crisis of addiction among young males was also brought to the fore during the Ibadan programme when a participant openly admitted to struggling with substance abuse and asked the panellists for help.
Drug abuse among young males is on a steep rise across Nigeria. From alcohol and cigarettes to cannabis, codeine, and other lethal mixtures, many boys are turning to drugs as a temporary escape from frustration, hopelessness, and societal pressure.
Panellists blamed peer pressure, broken homes, lack of mentorship, and emotional neglect for the worsening drug crisis.
Adamolekun cautioned that distorted celebrity culture and irresponsible social media content are feeding boys dangerous ideas about success.
“Success without character is dangerous. Focus on becoming a complete person, not just an impressive person,” he stated.
Another panellist, Rotimi Alariwo Martins, described overcoming addiction as a tough personal battle that requires deliberate discipline and strong external support systems.
Contributing to the discussion, a medical expert, Dr. Ayodele Adewale, urged the boys never to suffer in silence when overwhelmed.
“Speak up, but be careful about who you talk to,” he advised.
Mentorship and school counselling gap
A recurring theme throughout the summit was the absence of functional father figures and positive male mentorship.
Many boys today are growing up in homes where fathers are either physically absent or emotionally detached.
As a result, they learn what it means to be a man from toxic social media influencers, violent street culture, and peer groups.
This explains why many young men now associate manhood strictly with aggression, financial dominance, and emotional coldness.
Compounding the issue is the near-total collapse of guidance and counselling units in Nigerian schools. Promise Ihezie, who mentioned the gap, noted that countless students have no trustworthy professionals to confide in during emotional crises.
“In many schools, there are no counsellors, so programmes like this become very important,” Ihezie said.
It was argued that in many public schools, counselling units exist only on paper, leaving teenagers to navigate cyberbullying, depression, academic failure, and exposure to harmful internet content completely alone.
Call to action
While still overshadowed by other global observances, the International Day of the Boy Child is gradually gaining traction in states like Oyo, Lagos, Kaduna, and Rivers through mentorship and mental health campaigns.
Observers noted that the TIFF summit in Ibadan stood out because it prioritised listening to the boys rather than just lecturing them.
The anonymous question format provided a therapeutic outlet that many families fail to provide.
The Founder and Executive Director of T1FF, Ambassador Taiwo, stated that salvaging the boy child is not about competing with girl-child advocacy; it is a necessity for social stability. She added that emotionally neglected boys become damaged men, and damaged men often become threats to their families and society through domestic violence, crime, and instability.
She emphasised that the summit should serve as a national wake-up call for parents, schools, religious bodies, and the government to rethink how boys are raised.
“Boys must be taught responsibility without emotional suppression, discipline without fear, and true strength without violence. They must be made to understand that seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness, before this silent crisis deepens further across Nigerian communities,” she added.
