A woman sent me a message detailing some of the things that has happened in her marriage of eight years. According to this woman who has three children, she suspects that her husband doesn’t love her anymore.
When she called me, she mentioned some things that left me cringing. I started wondering why someone who claimed to love a woman at one point suddenly becomes a man she doesn’t recognize anymore.
My heart broke for her because she sounded so helpless. She was sad that the man she loves and has three children with doesn’t care about her anymore. He doesn’t even call her whenever he travels or cares to find out how she’s doing. 
I know I always tell women not to be naïve when it comes to relationships and marriages. Yes, love is a beautiful thing and it feels good to love someone and to be loved back in return.
But when you are the only one doing the loving and trying so hard to keep your relationship going, there’s a problem. You have to take care of yourself and well being first before trying to kill yourself over a man who clearly doesn’t love you.
I know it would be great to be with the same person you are married to until the day you die, but unfortunately, that’s not always possible. A lot of marriages in Nigeria are dysfunctional and loveless and it is so sad.
There are a lot of factors that contribute to lack of love, but you should know that if you really care about someone, you and your partner can talk about what has gone wrong in your relationship and work together to make things right.
But if you have done your best and tried to get your partner right back on track concerning your relationship and he or she seems not to be interested, you have to let go of that relationship no matter how hard it may look.
I know many women who are aware of the fact that their men don’t love them anymore, even after years of marriage, but they still keep living with them like everything’s completely okay. It is not okay. You are inviting health problems for yourself in the long run.
Sometimes women stay with men who don’t love them because of their children, financial status, or because they have grown used to them. In some cases, marriages fall apart because of poor sex life. But those aren’t good reasons why you should put up with something that is killing you slowly.
Below are some signs men and women should look out for if they have doubts about the love of their partners or spouses and what they can do about it.
If your spouse has stopped communicating with you and you feel that something’s amiss, it’s a sign that he or she is slowly falling out of love with you.
If you notice that the two of you just keep quiet in the house while you are doing your thing and he or she’s doing their own thing, that’s just a signal of the beginning of your relationship problems.
You can try to talk to your partner and find out what is going on with them and what you both can do about it to get your marriage right back on track. If you don’t try, you will never know whether or not you could have done something about it.
It’s normal that in a long-term relationship there will be times when you will be bored with your spouse, and you just need to do some interesting things with him or her.
But if you see that your spouse is bored only when he or she is with you and not when they are doing their own thing, that’s a sign that something is terribly wrong with your relationship.
Maybe there is another person in his or her life and he or she is only thinking about this new person who makes them feel special and loved. Maybe your spouse is no longer available emotionally for you but keeps coming up with ways to meet their new interests as soon as possible, and everything you say is boring to them.
Or perhaps there are problems your spouse is going through, but if he or she doesn’t talk to you and if you annoy your spouse every time you say something about their lack of love and affection, that’s not a good sign. Sadly, it seems that your relationship doesn’t have that much time left.
If this behavior continues over a long period, it is a bad sign that your spouse doesn’t love you anymore. You shouldn’t put up with this behavior because it’s not something you deserve.
If you are giving your spouse all your love and affection and they keep showing complete disinterest in making you happy, a person like that is not worthy of being in your life.
If you can no longer have any normal conversation with your spouse and he or she says that you are at fault for all the problems between you two, it’s likely that they have no problem in making you feel bad. This is a serious red flag that maybe your spouse doesn’t love you anymore.
Whatever you do, don’t let your happiness slip through your fingers. Instead, try to save your relationship by asking your spouse about the reasons they feel that way.
If they still care about you, they will be happy that you asked, and will work on it.
But if your spouse refuses to do anything about the marital problems you are facing, then they don’t feel anything about you. You should know that staying with such a person will hurt you more if you continue tolerating their lack of love and interest.
Staying with a person who doesn’t love you will never heal your broken heart. By leaving them, on the other hand, there’s a chance for you to heal much faster than you thought.
You don’t deserve someone who will only pay attention to you when they are in the mood or one who will ignore you every time you need them.
For some time now, you are the only one who’s been putting some effort into your relationship. Your spouse doesn’t want to do anything nice for you, and he or she doesn’t even want to talk about it. This is a sign of disrespect – something no man or woman should put up with.
Disrespect is one of the strongest signals that point to an unhappy marriage. If your spouse doesn’t want to build a good life with you, you don’t have to torment yourself further by bearing all of the relationship responsibilities.
Let your spouse know this is a wake-up call, and if he or she doesn’t want to change, he or she can leave because you will feel much better on your own than with a toxic person who doesn’t even give a damn about you. You have to think about your own well-being first.
Watch out for the concluding part next week.
Re: Love is no longer blind
Kate, my super woman I greet you. Sometimes, I ask myself why some men behave like the man you talked about and why some women don’t want to receive sense. Your write up is true as this is what is happening in the lives of some ladies now.
It almost happened to me but I disagreed and said until he comes back because he is not in town, I won’t quit my job. Even though we have agreed to get married, I can’t stop working for my money because I don’t know how to beg a man for money. Women need to be wise because many men are fooling ladies in the name of marriage.
-Onyinye Pascal
I really appreciate your consistent lecture offered to young man and women outside in your column. My sister who works with a bank lent her boyfriend of two years over a million naira to start a business. The plan was that they would get married after the financial assistance but things changed immediately after the selfish guy got the money. He left the country without my sister’s knowledge. Love is no longer blind, ladies need to shine their eyes and be wise.
-Benrose Ikenwachukwu, Kogi
Thanks for that wonderful piece, ‘Love is no longer blind.’ My sister experienced such nonsense resign from your job from her husband. Thank God for her decision to stay put in her job. Now the man is dead, she is the one taking care of children in the university without anybody’s assistance with the money from the job her husband told her to quit. Kate, keep on teaching us. Anybody that fails to listen to your advice is a fool.
-Ote Chibuzo
Kate, stop discouraging women from being humble to their husbands. A sensible wife must accept her husband’s decision because the reason is best known to both of them. So, if a women support her man with her money, it is not a crime. One of the good things a wife material can do to keep the union going. Stop frustrating our women because they were created as helpers to men.
-Ukeme Awi
You write as if life is a straight line. We are subject to the vagaries of life. Union between the sexes is not determined by a single event. Men have had to give up their all in a relationship. Yet they lost out. Money, time, career, health, comfort, location are forms of sacrifices couples make.
I believe a love that is worthwhile is certainly blind. Care has to be taken before impressionable young people swallow your views. No doubt there could be selfish demands but we must encourage partners to look beyond the immediate. Any relationship that is worth building deserves to be sustained.
-Femi Oni
Well done Kate. For a man to earn respect, he has to remove interest from his woman’s money but put mere attention. Don’t ask if her salary has been paid or her daily sales. A man that stops her wife’s career will have short life as a result of struggles.
-Cletus Frenchman,
Enugu