Household chores not for women alone

I visit the local foodstuff markets quite often, and there is almost an occurrence of subtle shaming of young men buying food stuff who are assumed to be bachelors.

These men are often shamed or jokingly harassed by older women selling food stuff to go and marry. They are blatantly told grocery shopping and cooking are exclusively female’s responsibilities.

This shaming or blackmail is even more when these men try to haggle prices. They are termed stingy men. I had on few occasions tackled those shaming these men who choose to do their grocery shopping themselves. What is actually wrong with a man going to the market, cooking his own meals and washing his clothes? I ask them.

Why must he be married or have a girlfriend just to abandon these chores to her? If a man is busy, it is best he hires someone to do these chores on his behalf. He should not have to get married, start dating or insist his girlfriend takes on these responsibilities. It is this thought pattern that has made some men assume who they are not and by extension given them some form of entitlement mentality. So, quit telling single men to go and marry or start a relationship because of chores.

As a single man, don’t wait, insist or expect your girlfriend to help clean your apartment or wash you dirty clothes whenever she visits you just because she’s a woman. If you can afford the services of a cleaner to come around three times a week or on weekends to help you clean your apartment, wash and iron your clothes, please do. You are creating employment for some people.

If you cannot afford it, then its best you make out time to do these chores yourself. If your girlfriend decides to help out; it should be of her own free will and not because it is solely her responsibility. When a man does or hires someone to do his cooking, cleaning and washing, any woman he’s dating is bringing more to the table than just cleaning and cooking. It takes off the ‘after all I did for you’ mentality from her. And you will both see the true essence of your relationship beyond just cooking and cleaning.

And if your friends, neighbors or family members are offended that you do your chores yourself or that you hired a help to do these chores while you have a wife or girlfriend, tell them marriage and dating a woman does not have a cook and cleaner as her tag. Tell them it is a terrible mindset to suggest you date or marry with a hidden aim of having her do your chores. Tell them it is needless merging your emotions with chores when the two can be handled independently. They need reorientation as a people that cooking and cleaning are not exclusive to any gender.

A friend shared his experience at the market with me. “One woman asked her teenage daughter to follow me and cook for me when I went to buy food stuff at the market. I told her my first child is actually several years older than her daughter, but there are things I cook for my family sometimes and I prefer to buy the things myself. I wonder why they do things like that. I guess it’s the same mentality that pressure single ladies to get married when they are not ready, he said.”

Some men arrived their office early but on this particular day, the office cleaner called in sick. These men stayed put waiting for their female colleagues to get to work and help with the cleaning. The first female got to work as expected, but only cleaned her own portion of the office, ignoring her male colleagues who assigned her the role of an assistant cleaner because of her gender.

As a generation, we must normalize doing chores and hiring people to do them on our behalf. Your wife, girlfriend or colleague must not do them to prove that you are a man.

Dear ladies, normalize engaging the services of cleaners, cooks and grocery shoppers if you can afford them as well. It doesn’t matter if you are married or single. It is not laziness. Delegate domestic functions and don’t die with your messianic mindset. If cleaning and going to the markets are demanding, hire someone to take on those extra load off your shoulders. Don’t insist on being a super mom and a hands on girlfriend, you will cut your life short for nothing. If you can afford a chef, by every means employ one.

If you wish to be like the richest woman in Africa who still cooks her husband’s meals, I will tell you how it’s done because my mother did same for my father and her children. My mother cooked all my father’s meals not because my father insisted on it, but because she chose to.

My mother was never part of the grocery shopping, chopping and washing of vegetables, neither was she pounding yam, pepper, cocoyam, shredding fish or cleaning meat and slicing onions. All these were done by house helps. She only steps into the kitchen to do the actual cooking by mixing and timing it on the fire.

Even before the food is done and brought down from the stove, she’s gone from the kitchen while the house helps dish food and set the table. My mother and the Alakijas of this world can brag that they still cook for their husbands and it is the truth. While you miss the truth about what they actually do when they say they cook, you rush home to taunt your wife or girlfriend by comparing her with the richest woman in Africa.

This year, normalize doing your chores yourself. You can also hire someone to do it for you or help you half way. It is not your girlfriend’s or wife’s responsibility to do your chores.