Ask the boss spree!

Welcome to Ask the Boss, a Life and Emotion timeout. On this social media platform, which intermittently extends to this page, I openly field a question or battery that a fan had inboxed me on Facebook. The rule is for such a one to attach either own preferred photo or a plea for anonymity. So far, so good: Ask the Boss is touching lives, resolving crises, puzzles and adding value.

Today, as against the ritual of one question a day, here’s a truckload of four entries for the price of one. Let’s set off by beaming the searchlight on the mail sent in by Miss Imaobong Antai. It’s something from which many young persons her age may glean some sense. It is also possible for older persons to learn a thing or two here and now.

You are on, Miss Antai: ‘THE BOSS, how do I identify true love in a relationship? At what point do I have to let go if I observe discrepancies? Secondly, when do human beings stop hearing and start listening? Thirdly, why do most good people usually end up with the wrong persons in a relationship, when like poles attract and ‘unlike’ repel?

First, since love is blind, you can only recognise the true version of this game of feelings when you keep one eye open, Ma. Walk away the moment you no longer have the peace concomitant with holding on. Also, hearing being an invitation and listening a choice makes people hear what they don’t want but they can elect to listen to only what they want; except in extreme cases of force. Concerning the willingness though, which is what you mean, anyone can choose when to start or stop listening and when not.

Train your five senses so they don’t betray you when you don’t want people to know that although you are staring at them, you are not listening at all. You may refer to the 22nd April, 2019 edition of this column for more on listening. Coming to your last question of natural attraction, I want you to remember that every rule has an exception. Sometimes, like can attract ‘unlike’ while negative also magnetises negative.

That’s how unpredictable Life has always been, is and may forever be. Instead of allowing anxiety to kill you, simply pray, plan and hope for the best but work as if the worst is your portion. That mindset would ensure you don’t descend into depression if Life decides to play hide and seek with your expectation. Many thanks for trusting Ask The Boss!

Next: ‘THE BOSS, mine is a battery so please indulge me, Sir. One, what is your source of inspiration or the Operating System (OS) behind all these feats of yours? Number two, what’s responsible for the high level of insolence in Nigeria, where youths take pleasure in insulting political office holders and elders? Three, what do you think should be done to put an end to this menace, taking into cognizance the fact that these same youths are the leaders of tomorrow (that is, if the elders would agree)?’

Dear Mr. Ubong-Abasi James aka Ubajas, many thanks for those sweet nothings with which you saluted our little efforts. Every grace, every ability, every achievement comes from God. Number two, hateful insolence is the new normal because our society has lost it or don’t you see adults and elders exchange the verbal sliding tackles? To get rid of the extraneous culture, we must stop rewarding it or we keep waiting for Godot!

There’s no magic to it. Elders who insult themselves publicly and the young people who tow that line must remember that no eye patient reaps bentonite clay poultices after sowing onions. Formal and informal governments, religion, and sundry influential levers of society must immediately begin what I call the insult debriefing process. The time to start is now when peddling insults has gone presidential: ‘lazy youths’!

We’ve reached the apogee of insults, what with leaders maligning the same people they should inspire and youngsters denigrating their parents. The only way out is total change of heart. It is in our hands. In quick succession, let’s turn our attention to the third serving wired by Mr. Ndifreke Dominus, who like every contributor today writes in from my native Akwa Ibom state.

While I thank Mr. Dominus for writing in, I’ve a feeling you would also thank him later. Let’s hear it for him. ‘THE BOSS, how do you react to people who constantly think that you are bad and evil? I won’t have cared if they kept this thought to themselves but going to the extent of drawing others to share in their faulty thought pattern.’

Da Atakpo, there’s only one way to react to people who hate you: love them; understand that people only give what they have. Those conceived in hate, born in and into hate and who have lived all their years in hate cannot ever give love because they don’t have it. Except you are like them, you would not and should not ever play the tit-for-tat card.

I beseech you to love your haters. Furthermore, only fools pander to gossips and tales about others. Do you want fools to be your friends? Never care a hoot about such crowd, and in any case, show them love and understanding for the mental condition they suffer.

Only love can cure that disease, only love can cure hate. Only love can insulate you from their harm. Spread love 25 hours daily. Love is a magically-talismanic wordless prayer.

Just in time to turn to our last material for the day. Sponsored by yet another home boy, Mr. Henry Max, it reads: ‘THE BOSS, every nation is ruled by an ideology, not really by people; ideology being the driving force that propels people to surmount challenges that come their way. It is the cohesive force that binds them and keeps them focused towards achieving a common goal. With a common ideology, irrespective of party affiliation, the country is sure to be steered towards the same direction.

(…To be concluded next Monday)