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It is the honest prayer of parents to see their children succeed and prosper righteously in life. No parent, no matter how low would wish their children poor condition in life except in very severe cases where parents lay curses on them. Even parents who got it wrong earlier in life would never wish their children to tread the same path.
I know parents who hide to drink, smoke, gamble and do drugs so their children would never learn such habits. A sister in the church once told me she was praying for her daughters not to give birth in multiple marriages like she did. “That was my life as a young lady, but I regret it today.” Parents fulfillment is greatly accomplished seeing their children excel in life. To understand the extent of the happiness, consider the joy parents feel on the ordinary prize-giving day of nursery schools, when their children excel. They celebrate with them. Parenting comes with authority, dignity and respect.
On oneof my trips, I boarded an aircraft with a couple and proud parents of a medical doctor. We sat on the same row and got talking. The wife of the man, Mrs. Uzo opened up and painted a very glowing picture of their pride. She gladly told me: “My husband and I are travelling to the US in the next two days. Our second son who is a banker will pick us from the airport; and all roads will lead to the US on Monday night. My first son, Chinedu, is a medical doctor in the United States. He was promoted to become the Chief Medical Director and also getting married to Amaka, a medical doctor too.” With a smile, she added: “It is double celebration for us.”
One could see their joy through their facial expressions. Mama continued to regal me with the story of when Chinedu came back with seven distinctions as the best graduating student of his class and set.
“We could not hold our pride as we waited and celebrated our king. I brought out my expensive wrappers and made a red carpet for our son to match on. With chants like ‘Our king is back. Walk majestically on my wrappers, you have fought and won the battle. Welcome home our doctor son.”
She said the son had showed brilliance from a tender age. This enabled him other accolades and excelled in his medical practice as an American physician. Members of US Medical Board were so impressed with his progress. They traced his excellence to his secondary school in Nigeria and found him worthy to be the Chief Medical Director. Few months after assuming the position and breaking new grounds, Chinedu invited his parents to witness his success story including his marriage to Amaka, another hot medical doctor from Nigeria. The moment travel documents were completed, his parents proudly travelled to share in the joy of a prepared son, who has turned round to give back to his parents with joy. This is the desire of every parent.
Parents who betray their unprepared children emotionally and become their instant dependent deserve a reprimand. There are parents who will be aware that their children are on the wrong side of life, yet encourage them. What do I mean? There are many parents who stylishly send their daughters into a transactional relationship or marriage. Such parents include those who will see a daughter come back from school with luxurious items and they keep mute without questioning the source of those things. Some would rather admire them. That admiration is like encouraging the girl to continue her trade. Such parents inadvertently lead their daughters into subtle prostitution.
Parents who eat from unknown sources should be beware: what goes up must come down. Mothers who encourage their unprepared daughters to keep multiple sugar-daddies and pretend they do not know what is going on, know that the clock is ticking. A friend once told me how his 18-year-old niece became a hook-up girl, yet her mother would cover her up because she came back home with edibles. The bills she was paying as an unprepared daughter turned her into the parent of her parents. In all honesty, some children hustle to support their parents. That is acceptable. However, while you eat such fruits, do not lose your authority and let them dictate their own lifestyle in the home.
Parenting by children happens when a child takes on adult responsibilities. Emotionally or financially when they are unprepared, long before they are ready, they become the providers and comforters, the ones who hold the family together. And even though it looks like strength on the outside, it silently damages the natural order in a home like we are seeing in the home of an embattled Nollywood celebrity.
When the child becomes the source, the parent loses the authority to be the guide. Parents cannot truly correct or restrain someone they depend on to survive.
Netizens have been roasting the mother of a celebrity, who they alleged pushed her daughter into a marriage with a man older than her father. He have also read that the embattled celebrity warned netizens not to blame her mother for her woes, because she made the decision herself.
When a family begs a child who is already a breadwinner not to do certain things, their words might carry love but not power because they have already danced to the child’s tune for years. The authority to guide him or her had been unconsciously exchanged for survival.
This is exactly what happens in a family when its stability rests on the shoulders of an unprepared child. Love for sure will remain, but leadership will disappear completely.
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In fact, there lies a deeper layer many parents miss. That being the provider at a young age does not only affect family dynamics, it also shapes who they fall for.
When a child grows up having to be responsible, paying bills, solving problems, and carrying everyone’s burdens, they rarely get the chance to feel safe or taken care of. The same 24 year-old claimed that life took a financial turn around for her family after she married a billionaire, older than her father. So, when someone comes along who feels powerful, secure, and capable, someone older, wealthy, protective, it awakens an old longing. Not for love, but for safety.
This unprepared child with responsibility is the inner child whispering, “Finally, someone who can carry me.”
Dr. Charles Umeh, a clinical psychologist, called it trauma-driven attraction. “When one’s heart runs not toward what is healthy, but toward what feels familiar and soothing to the old wounds.”
Unprepared children who become parents often swing to extremes in relationships. It is either they choose emotionally dependent partners they can rescue, or they choose strong, dominant partners who will take over everything. In both cases, it is not just romance, it is relief. A desire to stop being “the strong one” for once.
Children who become parents force their biologically weak parents to enjoy subtle wealth from their trauma-driven love. The kind that comes from an unhealed place, where care feels like control and protection feels like belonging.
The son of a neighbour came back from school with a 2022 model of Lexus 350. The moment he returned home, comfort filled his parent’s home. He shopped heavily, made sure darkness was a thing of the past in their own flat. There was 24-hour power supply from the 8.5KVA new generator set he bought. Their food changed immediately. Nelson had become an unprepared child parent while his father and mother enjoyed the largesse. Then a bold neighbour queried Nelson’s father, “What does your son do for a living?” The father said: “He is a businessman.” Here was a father who had accepted to reap the fruits of his Yahoo Boy son. Parents who have raised an unprepared child, and eating from them are failed parents. An adage says, one does not eat rat meat but will use teeth to share it among the children.
This is not about blame game, but about learning. When parents make their unprepared children their source, they lose their moral authority to guide them. When a child carries adult burdens too early, they grow up seeking comfort in power instead of wisdom. And when love is replaced with dependence, control becomes mistaken for care.
Every parent should please hear this. Do not let your unprepared child become your provider. Do not make them the adult in your story. Because one day, when they start making adult decisions, you may find your voice powerless, not because you did not warn them, but because they stopped needing your permission long ago.
Children should feel protected, not responsible. That is how to raise them, strong and safe.
It is also possible that responsible parents would be firm in raising their children, yet, the children would show defiant behaviour. God would have seen your struggle, sacrifices and efforts in speaking up against vices. The ones who see and keep quiet because of what they will gain from that child will forever lose their authority on such an unprepared child.
Kudo’s to parents who stand firm and correct their children when they get on the wrong side of life.
