Follow Us on Google
As a young child I was exposed to so many books and so through the pages of those books I learned about sex and figured out things myself. Many people in my generation got little or nothing from their parents on sex education and we all found out about the forbidden fruit by trial and error.
However, the same thing is still happening today in many Nigerian homes, the cycle still continues. In many homes, sex is a taboo that is not to be discussed. The phenomenon is very complicated that many people have different views about it. Often times when I write and talk about the vagina and penis I get feedbacks from people correcting me on this. Once or twice I have had readers ‘teaching’ me what to call these male and female organs in a public space. One of the readers even went as far as giving me pseudo-names for them, but I ignored their correction and suggestions. I refused to take correction. Yes, on this I refuse to be corrected because the penis and vaginas are just body parts like the head, shoulders, eyes and knees. So there is nothing scary about these parts too. In my house, my children call the organs by their names, and they have been taught that these places are not places they should be ashamed of. It doesn’t make them immoral or indecent. That is sex education.
There was a true life story published some years back about a 65-year-old man who called in little girls to play with his penis. He told these girls they were playing with “monkey” and each time anyone asked them what they were doing with the old man, they would say they went there to play with his monkey. No one suspected what was happening but one day a new girl who just moved into the neighborhood went to see the monkey and she came home to tell her mum that the other girls were playing with the old man’s penis. She became the saving grace because her parents had taught her what a penis should be called. They didn’t give it a pseudo name. They had given her the appropriate sex education for her age.
Dear parents, your kids are going back to school soon, how much do they know? No child is too young to be given sex education. Speak the language your child can understand and teach them these things. It is a scary world now! There are pedophiles and child molesters everywhere. They are not only after girls, boys are also not spared. You need to let your child know how to spot one, what to do and whom he can talk to.
Let me share the story I used on my Facebook page to tell parents the importance of sex education. I attended a girl’s only boarding school and so in many single-sex schools this is a regular pattern. The story reads thus:
Temi went to a girl’s only boarding school. Her mother told her sternly that if she allowed any boy to touch her, she would get pregnant. That was the best sex education she got. Temi stood out academically. During Valentine’s Day, all the girls came out in the school hall to celebrate Vals day and they picked alover (Valentine) through a ballot box. Temi was chosen by a popular senior girl as her alover. She was excited. Temi and her alover became inseparable; they ate together, bathed together and slept in the same bed. It was obvious the attraction was mutual. Temi began to write love notes to her alover. Senior Ella bought her gifts in return. Sometimes they stole kisses. Other times she caressed her breast. And then, she began to finger her under the sheets at night. After all, Senior Ella wasn’t a boy and so she was safe. Temi never felt that way before. She liked what senior Ella did to her.
But she knew it wasn’t right. Her alover told her what mattered most was the love they both shared. Then one night the two girls were caught smooching at night by the housemistress. They were expelled.
Temi was only thirteen years old. Her parents were hysterical but a child psychologist explained to her parents that at that age, young teenagers tend to explore their sexuality. Temi’s parents got her into a new school but this time they spoke at length with her about sex and sexuality.
School will be resuming next week, how well have you equipped your child on sex education? Are you waiting for her to stumble on things and learn it through her peers? Do you want your child to make the same mistakes you made?
For many adults, the sex education we got from our parents was a sham and we made a lot of mistakes with the little knowledge we had. It is a pity that, some of us are still paying for the mistakes we made in the past.
Besides, puberty is an exciting time that challenges both parents and children. But do you want the cycle to continue?
If your child is going to secondary school this session, please don’t let them leave home without adequate information on sexuality and sex education. Don’t wait for a teacher to do it like she/he is flipping through the pages of an academic thesis. Do it yourself and it will flow from your heart.
Dear mothers, you can reassure your daughters by sharing your experience at the same age; you can as well broaden the discussion by talking about the pleasurable aspects of maturing.
Tell them about sexual feelings and attraction that often comes at that age. Let them know they have a control over the feelings and how they can be managed. Daddies, let your boys know about wet dreams. Tell them about sexual thoughts or feelings that accompany them. You need to reassure your boys that wet dreams are normal. Talk to your kids about sexual orientations; let them know what lesbianism and homosexuality mean. It doesn’t mean you are encouraging them to go into the lifestyle. If you don’t, they will find out themselves. The world is changing and strange things are happening. Let them know that there are cross dressers, transgenders, pansexual, asexual, etc.
Pick up Bobrisky’s picture and explain what that kind of life means. Stop pretending that these things are not happening. Prayers won’t makethem go away; it is a phase they must go through. But you can do this according to your convictions and faith.
Stop saying to yourself this is Africa. Let us be honest, these things are creeping gradually into our world too. The earlier you tell them about these things the better they are able to make good choices when the time comes.
If you are a parent and you don’t have a deep knowledge about these things, never mind, go to Goggle, read up, download and print it out.
Give your child what you have printed out, tell him/her to read up and have a discussion.
Having conversations with your wards about the difference between fantasy and reality can also flow naturally from this discussion.
Share an experience of your first crush with them; let them know how you felt. Some children start having crushes from age eight, yes, it happens and it is natural. Let your communication with your child be as honest as possible. Be your child’s best friend and don’t let anyone take that spot!
Re: Sex toys: Immoral or bond between couples
i think couples should always discuss sexual adventures because trust is the bedrock of marriage. There is no need of hiding anything from your partner. One of the dangers of using sex toys is that the user may develop preference for it and that would become a threat to the marriage. –Happiness O.
You don’t expect Jeromi to jump up and start clapping for his wife. The wife should have discussed that with him even if the usage was justified. –Pa Kris, Auchi.
Please no reasonable husband will see his wife using sex toys and keep quiet. A woman without a husband can do that in order to satisfy her sexual urge at that moment –Chike
Sex is the only remaining “traditional” reason for men’s relevance and its replacement in a relationship should not be encouraged. Especially in this open era of same-sex relationship and economic independence. Men may soon be “extinct” if sex toys are allowed to get to supermarkets —Adeyemi Caleb.
Honestly, I see no sin in having a sex toy when you have a constantly distant husband. It’s better than sleeping with another man, but it must be a mutual agreement between couples and it should only be when the husband is not around –Monsurat.
A toy is to be controlled not the other way round, and there is nothing bad in having a sex toy as a married woman. It helps improve the sex life of couples and this is not about your man not being able to satisfy you, it is about climbing another rung of the sex ladder to pleasure summit. To own a sex toy is better than sleeping with some idiots around. –Motunde.
In terms of religion, it is impermissible. But with the advent of distant marriages and young widows, it makes me clueless! – Bamidele
I’m a lover of sex toys and I see nothing wrong in owning one. It’s better than sleeping around and gives it your partner the knowledge of where he’s lacking in satisfying you sexually. –Olayinka
