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Recently, I read a post advising men to date and marry intelligent women. According to the person who wrote the post, a woman who is beautiful without brains can turn a millionaire into a pauper while an intelligent woman can turn a pau- per into a millionaire.
Let me not start with that offensive phrase ‘beauty with brains’ some guys’ drop all the time while complimenting women. To tell a woman that she is a rare combination of beauty and brains invariably means that beautiful women are not expected to be intelligent. Do you tell men that? No.
Now back to the topic at hand, I find it very funny that the same guys who claim that they want beautiful and intelligent women feel threatened by the intelligence of these women when they finally start dating them or when they eventually marry them.
This is why you will see a man who knew a woman was a career woman, he will pursue her, woo her, impress her, pretend to love her and support her but when he eventually marries her, he will command her to stop working because her work is making her arrogant and proud. What kind of confusion is this?
Why do you think you have the right to stop another human being from living her dreams and making her own money? Didn’t you see her lifestyle before you went after her and married her? If I call you enemy of progress now, you will say Kate hates men. I can’t stand misogynists.
When you listen to some guys outline the kind of qualities they want in a woman, you begin to wonder if they want to create these women for themselves. Ask these same guys to do their own part and support these women who have the misfortune of dating them, they will start whining about being men as if someone is dragging their manhood with them.
One guy who was introduced to lady recently was always going on and on about wanting a hardworking, financially independent and beautiful lady but when he started dating her, he started complaining about her being too busy and not being submissive enough. Are you for real?
Another guy was always complaining about his ex wife who left him with their daughter and didn’t look back. He claims his ex wife is a wicked woman who has refused him access to his daughter. He said he wants a good woman to settle down with.
Someone introduced him to a hardworking, beautiful, upwardly mobile young lady who is an events planner and uncle was captivated by her personality. He kept calling this young lady and asking when they were going to meet. He promised to give her the time of her life.
When they finally met, this young man spent an hour com- plaining about his ex wife. He called her all manner of derogatory names in the presence of a woman he was trying to woo. He insisted that his ex-wife was a heartless woman who only wanted him for his money.
When this young lady finally asked what exactly his ex-wife did to warrant such vituperations, he said he doesn’t like women who are intelligent and who are proud to exhibit their intelligence. He said that women shouldn’t be more intelligent than men because God didn’t make it so.
According to this brother who has been talking about dating and marrying an intelligent woman, a woman shouldn’t act too intelli- gent, she will scare men away. As a woman, don’t show a guy you know too much. Women are necks, men are heads. Women shouldn’t talk when men are talking because it is disrespectful.
Is this guy not suffering from legendary confusion with the way he is acting? You want an intelligent woman but you want her to act dumb and stupid so that you can feel like a man.
You desire to marry an intelligent and resourceful woman but you don’t want her to show who she truly is because you are threatened by her intelligence. You believe she shouldn’t contribute anything meaningful during discussions because you feel a woman should be seen not heard.
Another guy was introduced to a successful career woman because he wanted to settle down as soon as possible. This guy wanted a woman who was working and could contribute to the family finances and he got one. But he had an issue with her trying to flex muscles with him when it comes to managing her own finances.
Uncle insisted that he must know how much she is earning and how much she will transfer to into his account for upkeep when they finally get married. This has to be the joke of the century. The way some guys reason is appalling.
You haven’t married this woman but you think you have the right to tell her how to spend her own money because you have some- thing dangling between your legs and played the marriage card. You claim that a submissive woman is one who submits her salary to her husband and he gives her money from there for upkeep and her needs. You are not only a sick per- son; you are also a gold digger.
Some married men are funny too. They expect their wives who take care of the home front and children all day to become Sharon Stone in bed at night while they don’t do anything to support these women. You are a big joker.
You want to eat fresh soup everyday. You expect your wife to rush into the kitchen to cook up a storm for you once you get back from work. You want to come home to impeccably clean and tidy house.
You want her to be at you and your children beck and call, switching from the duty of a nurse, to chaperon, to wash woman, to house personal assistant, reminding everyone their meetings, doctor’s appointment, school runs, school PTA meetings. You also expect her to be a whore in bed.
You still expect her to be up before you to get you and the children ready for the day. You expect her to repeat the same routine year in, year out without complaining because it is her duty as your wife to do all these things and still satisfy you in bed so that you won’t look outside and cheat on her. You are joking.
Many men need to pause about getting married. Getting married doesn’t mean another person’s child will die taking care of you and your children. That’s wickedness. What exactly are you doing to make her life easier as her husband?
You can’t expect to be treated like a King while your woman is leaving the house every morning making money like you are doing. You don’t expect her to get back home from work and start cooking fresh soup for you. You don’t expect the person who contributes financially at home to become your maid and cleaner at the same time.
What do Nigerian men really want? Can’t they desire something and stick to it instead of confusing themselves with their vacillating desires? Nigerian men need to choose a struggle and stick to it. They should stop looking for financially independent women who would wait on them like children.
Re: Why men break up with women
KATE, tell women the truth, men break up with them because they don’t have good manners. No man wants to be with a disrespectful woman and one who rubs shoulders with him. It is not easy to be a man so women should worship men like gods. Teach ladies how to be prudent not materialistic. This is why men use and dump them.
-Okechukwu, Awka
I want to believe that it is normal for a man to get tired of a relationship at some point and call it quits. He gets attracted to a woman he knows little or nothing about in most cases and when he is tired, he ends it.
Most times, the wooing takes a long time. No background check and relationship starts. Once expectations are not met, he is ready to move when the woman has just started digging in. She gets confused and wonders why. She starts thinking of how to put in her best maybe she can make him stay.
My advice is that a woman should be on her guard while she allows things to happen naturally. There is no need to patch a relationship. There is someone who truly appreciates you for who you are and he will propose without coercion. Good luck to all the single ladies out there as another year passes by. -Femi Oni
Men are adventurous in nature hence variety is the spice of life. If a lady moves in with unmarried man and gives to him in 20 days what should be given in 20 years, it becomes cumbersome and ephemeral. Even in marriage, couples get bored of themselves but their children and maturity sustain them. Relationships begin and they end, people should learn to move on without problems.
-Eze Patrick. O. O
Thanks Kate. I will advise women to be self employed or have profitable careers that allow for enough time to keep their men company. Men dump women if they notice they have married their career or church activities more than their men.
-Cletus Frenchman, Enugu
