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Dating in today’s society is hard. You have to be alert not to fall for liars and fake people who pretend to be who they are not.
You have to get past all the narcissists and manipulators, fight off the energy vampires, and users and once you clear them you must weed out the cheats.
In the midst of the selection process, you just may find that one person who makes life beautiful. But what if this person has a child or children? Would you go ahead and date them or leave them?
Some singles spoke to Effects on dating someone with children and here are their submissions.
Doris: Dating someone with children isn’t impossible
I have dated a divorcee with two children in the past and even though it wasn’t an easy ride, I learnt from that relationship that lasted for almost three years. I broke up with him because he wasn’t ready to marry me and I wanted marriage.
First thing I understood when I decided to date him was that there was nothing wrong with dating a person or marrying someone with children. Because he treated me so well, I realized that just because a person has kids does not mean they are off the market.
The fact that there are children involved doesn’t change why I was attracted to him in the first place. The only thing it changed was the fact that the relationship would be demanding and that it required patience, tolerance and tact.
From my experience, dating a man with kids has a different set of challenges, but it is not an impossible feat. I have tried it and it went well even though it didn’t work out eventually.
Franca: I know my limitations when it came to his children
When I fell in love with a man with children last year, my family and friends were scared for me. They told me I would waste away caring for him and his children instead of looking for a young man with no baggage to date.
But I knew what I wanted and stuck to my man. It wasn’t easy dealing with three children under the ages of 15 but we got along well because I knew my boundaries. From the beginning, I knew what my limits were especially when it came to the children.
I knew that if I was going to be in this relationship, I needed to be an adult and protect myself by not giving too much when it came to his children. I didn’t feel like chipping in every time something needs to be done. I ask questions first and then act accordingly.
Sometimes, when a person is dating someone with kids they are too helpful. If you have good open communication, your partner will tell you when help is needed. If he asks me to do something and I am uncomfortable with the task, I speak up.
My partner loves and appreciates my honesty when handling his children. At the end of the day, he knew I was upfront about loving him and tolerating his children.
Gabriel: All I did was understand the other parent’s role
While I was in a relationship with a young lady who had children with another man, I didn’t forget that there were two other key players in the game. My partner still had interactions with the father of her two kids and I knew that the guy had the right to know who is around their children.
My partner and her ex were on good terms and I had to meet him and deal with him frequently because of the children. Some of my friends told me that I was wasting my time with a woman with children while there are many young ladies around me without baggage to choose from.
I laughed because I knew this lady had everything I wanted in a woman her past notwithstanding. We got along well with her ex. We didn’t have to become best friends, but we were as cordial as possible just for the sake of the children.
Peace: I honour the children’s feelings
I know from experience that when dealing with children in a relationship, things can get weird. It takes children a bit to warm up to new people, especially if they want their parents back together.
While I was dating my boyfriend of two years, I never said anything bad about his ex to their children. I wasn’t brought up to be that mean because I want to get married.
I know he had some issues with his children but I stayed away from their matter. This is because children want to know that they can count on you, and that you will protect them. Once you show them this, things may start to get easier. It won’t be an easy road, but it’s worth it.
Philip: I gave myself time to let love grow
Sometimes people wonder if they can truly care about kids that aren’t theirs. If you fall in this group don’t worry, you can. It may take some time to get to know each other, and understand each other, but that’s where the care and love come from.
The little stuff is how your feelings grow. There is room in your heart if you have courage to allow people in. Children aren’t scary, but if your partner sees that you are not careful with what they hold precious, the relationship won’t last.
This doesn’t mean you have to be fake and pretend to care for your partner’s children. Children can spot a fake person from miles away. If you aren’t genuine, your relationship with your partner won’t work out eventually.
Cynthia: You have to know that children require extra planning
There will be times that your partner will not be able to go out or do things that you want to do because of their kids, so last minute spontaneous outings aren’t the best or you can do something that include the children.
Before you agree to date a man with children, you have to understand that as much as your partner wants to spend time with you, it is not wise to make them pick between their child and you.
I don’t put my partner in this situation because it makes you look inconsiderate. Activities must be planned out in advance to have the best and most enjoyable outcome with his children.
Adewale: Bear in mind that tense moments will happen
Dating a person with children can be a bit stressful at times, especially if your partner is having problems.
Sometimes there are financial problems and at other times, there can be emotional issues. Parents who date are looking for a stable person, not just anyone.
I am dating a woman who has a child from her previous marriage and I bear it in mind that tense moments will happen while dealing with her child. I am patient with her too.
Uchechi: I allow him to be open with me about his concerns
Dating a person with children is not easy but I made it past all the bumps in the road and it was worth it.
While dating my man, I understood he needs my support and expects me to understand his situation.
He is also afraid; he doesn’t want to chase me off. He is unsure as I am because of what people say about dating a man with children.
I allow him to be open with me about any concerns he may have about his children and reassure him that I am there for him.
I state my concerns too. This allows for open and honest communication so that none of us feels taken for granted.
