That boy calls you father

For context, this is neither about Chinua Achebe nor about only Okonkwo-like fathers. This is also neither about absentee fathers nor about just boys. This is about fathers who are present but absent. This is really about good children and bad parents.

That boy can be a girl. Yes, son can mean daughter. That good boy, or good girl calls you father. Now, you understand the bit about good children.

Father can be a mother; mother can be father. Yes, a woman can be father; father can be female. We are not here discussing runaway, stupid, truant, wicked or anyhow male man who impregnated a lady. No, the man here is a real one, responsible, responsive and proven.

A male or female man who has a good child must rise to the occasion of fatherhood, in spite of and despite personal inconvenience. If that good boy, that good girl, that good child calls you father but betrayal is what you garbage out, sorry: dear parent, you are unworthy. Fathers like you are not fathers. Fathers like you have no business being fathers.

A father who for his son cannot stand a little heat, a little pressure, a little threat. A father who cannot for his son remain in his honour in a tsunami or cross a river let alone an ocean. A father who cannot for his son stay longer than necessary in the kitchen or in the rain or in the sun. Pray, how is that one a father?

A father who cannot make sacrifices for his son and therefore for the family is not one. Fatherhood is not only about penis; fatherhood is not only about a penis that can do; fatherhood is not only about penis that can produce for reproduction. Fatherhood is not only about virility or vitality. You can know how to produce to reproduce and even have a human proof or two but still not be a father in the real sense of fatherhood.

There are many fathers who are not fathers. First for example: “fada for mouth.” Second for example: “fada wey no di pampa.” Third for example: “fada wey no get sense.”

If you are a father reading this and are confused where you fall, then you are of all fathers most miserable. Do you stand up to power or money or evil, for your child? Do you defend and support your child against whoever and whatever? Or, you are the father who would sell his blood for political or economic pottage?

The father who wants always to eat to own satisfaction first before the rest of the family is sick in the head. In fact, such a one is not a father. Such a one is a pretender to the throne of fatherhood. Unfortunately, there are too many of such persons in our society today.

What then can you, a good child, do under the circumstances? All you need is called wisdom so that if father by blood: activate all the strength that you have and do not have, to respect and to tolerate . If political, glean what gains you can and run. If religious, flee!

What about if boss or leader or mentor or sponsor or teacher? The answer is already listed above. Once you are as sure as eggs is eggs that someone, anyone, everyone you call father does not have your best interest at heart, stop being sentimental or stupid or both. Flee, fly away, run or you would not live to fight another day.

Life is deeper than all the depths that you think you know. You are the only irreplaceable person in your life. Everybody else is, just as you are in the lives of others. Learn to always give it time, but seven years is enough to afterwards choose a new unbiological father!

In an unrelated matter, former Vice President Atiku Abubakar is a political father who -in the eyes of some of his good political children- seems to be doing an unfatherly thing currently. After these children seemed all along to have been applauding his 2027 strategy, he recently on live television burst their bubble by declaring interest -yet again – in being king, rather than kingmaker too many wish. Politics being such silly leveller, even those who in ten lifetimes would not measure up to the Adamawa-born elder statesman who turns 80 on November 25, this year, have been lampooning him. However, politically speaking and within the context of politics Nigeriana, can we call Mr Abubakar a bad father and his children good?

Alas, the answer is not as straightforward as it seems. Those political boys (in and out of African Democratic Congress, ADC) who call him father may be right as good followers to call him out but it is incorrect to say the man is a bad political father just because he wants to run for president yet again. Apart from his deep understanding of how politics Nigeriana and life roll, and how self is the most vital part of the mix, who knows whether this perennial candidate is the president to rescue Nigeria? The man’s case only crumbles though, when you expand the discourse to cover the fact that the Nigerian presidency is a south and north eight-yearly pendulum. Even then, Mr Atiku Abubakar is right to want what he wants since those good children of his in ADC reserve the gatekeeper right to punctuate this particular right!

And, by the way, does any of Messrs Peter Obi, Chibuike Amaechi and Rabiu Kwankwaso call the former vice president father? Even, politically; even now, vis-a-vis the 2027 electioneering? If the answer is no, as I know it is, why blame the father who is not regarded as father? Case dismissed, next matter, please!

A father whose so-called good children do not regard and treat as father owes them nothing at all. Listen, the father you do not call father is not obliged, legally, morally and naturally to defend or protect or provide for you. This matter is a two-way traffic: good boy, good father. A bad boy should not expect his father to be good, and vice versa.

God bless Nigeria!