Follow Us on Google
First, the ‘goody goody’ part of this topic is a doff of the hat to a beautiful brand of chocolate that was popular in the country when I was a little child in the good old days. It was made by Cadbury (please bring back our Goody Goody) and children loved it so much that they would spend their kobo gifts to buy the soft, sweet bars of chocolatey goodness that would melt in the mouth and give that ‘hoo lala’ feeling we all loved. Perhaps, some people today now pretend that marriage should be absolutely sweet and chocolatey with no moments of challenges, difficulties, storms and hurricanes. While we are still on earth? Does not the Good Book warn that we will have troubles and trials in this life, but with every trial, God promises that He will make a way of escape so that we can bear the trials and temptations?
Let us accept one fact: God did not promise us that marriage would not have challenges, experience difficulties or attitudinal frictions. Otherwise, we would not need to rely on His grace and Spirit, to help us in the marital journey which He intended to end with the death of either spouse.
This explains the choice of the words of the time-honoured marriage vow usually recited by the couple on the wedding day. It goes like this: “I take thee (name of spouse) to be my lawfully wedded (wife, husband). To keep and to hold….‘for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”
But some Pentecostal denominations are now twisting this Spirit-inspired declaration of life-long marital commitment by changing the wording of the vow, all in the name of a new-fangled practice of making only “positive” confessions in line with their understanding of “faith” which denies reality. Does not deny reality instead faith rises above it. It moves, propels, motivates, inspires, equips and strengthens the person to overcome challenges.
Yes, marriage is worthy, and beautiful and brings honour and respect to the man or woman, yet it throws up challenges. Moreover, there is no perfect union anywhere in the world. Even after declaring Eve as the bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, Adam blamed her for giving him the fruit of the forbidden tree, when God asked why he ate the fruit. That a husband and wife lasted in marriage is primarily because the couple simply chose to obey the word of God and keep to biblical injunctions to sustain their union. Some spouses choose to be blind to all wrongdoings; some probably out of respect and fear of the unknown respect themselves and maturely manage the situation until the season eases out. In some cases, the wise spouses also stay back in the relationship and manage their challenges knowing there is no perfect marriage. Marriage challenges are not meant for a particular gender, religious body, tribe or how well accomplished one is; both men and women are victims of whatever causes their marital breakup. It is for the reason of embarrassment and irreconcilable differences that both men and women have resorted to companionship, very long dating, and forever dye-hard singles. A situation where one is alone, yet not alone.
Given the foregoing background, one wonders why some Pentecostal churches have changed the wording of the marital vow recited on the wedding day by the man and woman who are about to be joined in marriage. For such couples, the vow now says: “We will live together in good health, and richer in wealth, in everlasting happiness and love till death do us part.”
Sweet and loving as it sounds, this would be the wish and acceptable marital creed for two love birds who had just walked down the aisle. But I looked at this “creed” in comparison to the reality of what I see around: marriage break-ups do not only occur among the members of the orthodox churches alone but also among the Pentecostals who recite the newly coined oath on their big day. Even with the change of the ancient creed, it has not stopped marriages contracted in such religious bodies from cracking and breaking. The simple reason is for one to understand from the onset that marriage would come with unannounced various challenges, just like an octopus, with different legs, different meanings and different understandings to different people. Pronouncing the creed is not the saviour of the day. Some couples are blessed in union, but within years either the man or woman might become widowed, there might be challenges of physical deformity for their child, accidents might occur and otherwise. Then again, challenges are not found or meant for marriages alone, but families, societies and communities including nations of the world. If we must agree, there have been cases of twins from the same womb who are embittered with each other, it is also a challenge. In various homes, do parents not experience erring children? Several men have taken their children to police stations, one even took his son to court and stood firm to testify against him to be imprisoned. What about siblings’ rivalry? Two grown sisters who do not see each other eye-ball-to-eye-ball, of course, it does exist and is managed before it fizzles out. Now, talk less of two different people who come from different backgrounds, different ideas, knowledge and understanding of life; probably who met when the pendulum swings; and into marital symbol. So how can one expect life to be all rosy for two strange people who are united in marriage; not holding for a worthy and quality relationship anyway. Again, there have been cases where siblings kill siblings out of jealousy and envy. Sibling sisters have been involved in scandalous marital and sexual irresponsibility. Milicent Emeriola got married happily and took one of her little sisters Mary with her to train, which they did well as a couple. On her 18th birthday, her big sister was shocked to see her little sister in a different mien, bold and cantankerous. That birthday fetched her an expensive gift of iPhone 12-ProMax; and on inquiry; she was not bold enough to open up until a big issue arose between them. Milicent never had an inkling that her little sister had become her husband’s side chick in the last year until the bubble burst. The sinful husband, and once admired brother-in-law quickly rented an apartment for Mary, and kept two sisters and two homes. What a life! These challenges are not found only in the homes of people who did not take the new wine marriage oath; no. Some would look at their parents as their role models in marriage, then get entangled with either a man or woman who is far from the victim’s idea, knowledge and understanding of his partner’s views; what next? After taking the new oath and managing the challenging situation, that marriage will head towards the rocks and scatter.
Now, take the case of Julie and Humphery who met as young youth Corps members; but did not give themselves the chance and opportunity to study each other’s character before enjoying the marital chance. For them, it was a fast one because pregnancy emerged almost immediately and hushed them into unprepared marriage. Since they could not get through the rigours of the orthodox style of marriage, the quickest wedding place was the Pentecostal church where the new creed was taken and it was settled. Marriage has started in all honesty and after a few months, Humphery began to notice strange behaviors from his woman. For starters, he does not understand why dirty plates should be piled up in the kitchen sink and wait for a certain time to be cleaned up. Again, he could not come to terms with using the same dishing spoon for both white rice and stew, then dropping the oil-stained spoon carelessly on the cover of the pot to gush down the pot. He again, seems to be at a loss as to why a woman would not manage her home economically which results in excess cooking and waste of food at will. These simple facts, to Humphery, were so disorganized and unacceptable because those were not the foundational rules in his home. Little wonder he could not adjust to carelessness because his mother was the very finicky type and what he is seeing as a married man is entirely different from what he saw as a growing boy even with the new creed that says in good health and wealth. The strange output of his woman in all honesty did not go down well with Humphery, most probably because his mother was a trained state registered nurse. Now, from all indications, Julie was not cheating on her husband which all religions abhor, but Humphry was pained beyond cheating even with the new creed.
Dear all, that one changes the creed of an oath is not a reason why challenges that are associated with marriage will not abound. The only reason why challenges might not escalate is when the actors in the marriage decide to be blind and lie low, no matter what they see or experience. It is also important for us to note that surmounting marriage challenges means enduring love. Let the much ado about marital bliss reduce from henceforth. A lot of family squabbles are bigger and stronger than that of marriages. Let all troubleshooters die from quarrelling syndrome and focus on the happy moments, joy and love of marriage.
Succinctly said, there must always be challenges as far as relationships exist, no matter how little.
People of God, all these boil down to character formation, children adhering to advice from parents, learning and showing obedience in all that they do. To the church, it is not about the creed, but the awareness of what is right and wrong, and the duties, responsibilities and obligations of a husband and wife. Tell the lazy men and women to stand up and provide for their families, preach peace, love and the kingdom of God on earth, not only bring in tithe and offerings.
