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When men, who do not know the wording of Romans 3:23 gather to unwind and engage in banter, the discussion most of the time centres on three main topics, which are of great interest to them: football, women and money.
Such men excitedly talk about male and female relationships between husbands and wives on the one hand and between men and side chicks on the other.
Using the biblical accounts of how King David and King Solomon related to women, piling up concubines, the men strenuously try to justify the romantic relationships they have with their side chicks.
Quite recently, a popular Nigerian artiste and his wife had an altercation at Heathrow airport in London. It was so serious that police officers intervened and arrested the musician and took him away for some time. In analyzing the issue just like other people did, some of my male colleagues, especially seniors, agreed that a sidechick is needed for some marriages to function well.
One of my colleagues said: “In some marriages, there should be a compulsory side chick to balance and stabilize those marriages.” There was general laughter but they gave their reasons.
I am not an advocate of extra-marital affairs, but when the issue was raised in another gathering, the men agreed that some marriages need a sidechick to function.
They explained that when a quarrel bursts between a man and his wife, the best thing for the man to do is to go away and stay with the sidechick for comfort and healing. They argued that a woman who would have the boldness to raise her voice in public against her husband should be taught some hard lessons. There is no lesson for a woman that is as hurting as having a sidechick compete with her for the attention of the husband. Women hate to share their men with younger girls. It shatters the heart. For the men, going to stay with a sidechick will calm down the situation and prevent further actions which anger could aggravated. The worst that can happen when the man is with the sidechick is that he would spend money recklessly on her or she could get pregnant. Both are better than a manslaughter case. Some might not see that trouble would be averted by staying away from that rancorous environment. Rather, they would insist it is a sin to sleep with the sidechick. Keeping a sidechick would serve as a deterrent to the troublesome wife. No woman likes to hear of a sidechick. Recounting his experience in the early years of marriage to his wife, one of my colleagues said: “When my wife began to suspect me of having a relationship with one lady, denied all allegations. She insisted and made it a daily gospel. On a certain day, I took casual leave from work, left my phone at home and disappeared into thin air, to avoid more trouble. When she called my number, the phone rang in the house. She cried out her heart while searching for me. She reached out to my office, but was told I was on casual leave. Because the phone was at home, it became impossible for her to contact me. After three days, I was a happy man and came out from where I had been hiding. That served as a deterrent to her. She almost lost her marriage. But it was a sidechick that saved the situation and stabilized the marriage because we both cooled off from each other.
Another colleague insisted that keeping a sidechick balances marriage for some couples because there will always be issues between spouses. When one strolls and sits out, he becomes more valuable before his wife. I recall the case of Ugochukwu, a distant relative. After his wedding with Chinwe, he tried to be a good husband by being available at home most of the time, especially after their first baby was born and the mother-in-law came to visit. His father-in-law saw that he was too available to the women at home and called him. He told Ugochukwu: “Stop staying with women at all times; if not, you will lose value before them fast.” Meanwhile, the women in question were his wife and daughter. Ugo’s father in-law taught him how to stroll and see life from a different perspective. Somehow, his marriage worked perfectly.
In another instance, a very accomplished man and contemporary of late Dr. Alex Ekwueme and late Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, whose identity is deliberately concealed, was also pleased with his son in-law, Dr. Ekwem, who told me the story. He said: “The moment I made known my intention to marry Uchechi, her father fell in love with me and liked me so much. With time, I became my father-in-law’s confidant who knew all his sidechicks. He confided in me a lot and took me to parties where quality, accomplished men gathered with their sidechicks. Whenever these great married men gather with their sidechicks to eat, drink, dance and make merry, you could see happiness, joy and freshness radiate all over them. The chief would dance with his babe to his favourite music, take a look at me and say, “As long as you are responsible at home, you are free to enjoy yourself to the fullest.”
Even when he visited us in the United States where we were based, the moment he whispered to me who he wanted to see in another city, I would convince his daughter, my wife that we were travelling together for a business meeting. To my mother-in-law, since her husband and myself were together, there was no cause for alarm. The chief would enjoy himself, shop heavily for his wife and children and everyone was happy when he back home. I was the only one who knew where he was coming from.”
Honestly, one cannot just explain the secrecy behind men’s attachment sidechicks. Affairs with sidechicks actually stabilizes the home. Even when he died, all his sidechicks commiserated with me. Some came for the funeral and I took care of them.”
Sir Anthony wondered why any man would be with his wife and his low libido would persist. But the moment he sets his eyes on his sidechick, his body chemistry would change automatically and third leg would instantly pulse with life and ready for full, energetic business. What brings about the magical transformation? With madam, the rightful owner, nothing happens at home, but with a sidechick, sexual fireworks erupt. Sir Anthony wondered who could interpret the equation. A man who is sexually satisfied is a happy man. This is one of the reasons sidechicks help to stabilize marriage.
Mr. Humphrey in his submission agreed saying: “Marriage expires between a man and a woman. When that happens, it might take a second wife to build a new relationship. With education and civilization, men have realized that instead of going into a second marriage, something close to a second missionary journey could take place. That is the need for sidechick to keep the fire burning. There was so much polygamy in the olden days, because marriage tended to expire. Instead of driving the first wife away, she was kept within the family for her children while the younger one was brought in to warm the man’s bed.
Well to some other men, a sidechick is a taboo which should not be mentioned at all. Some male moralist would argue that when old age and sickness draw near, it is only the wife who would stand by her husband, not the sidechick, the siblings would be busy with their own families, parents might even be gone. Therefore, this other group of men think a man should treat his wife right for old age’s sake.
Now, such appreciation was hugely displayed recently at Harbor Point, in Victoria Island, where a service of songs was held for late Olusegun Awolowo, Chief Obafemi Awolowo’s grandson. One of the testifiers told the crowd his last encounter with late Segun Awolowo while they had dinner in Segun’s house. He said: “As I walked into Segun’s house, he was having dinner. The wife, Mrs Bola Awolowo, welcomed me and asked what she could offer me. Segun interjected and told his wife that I would eat the well-prepared egusi soup and fried plantain. As the wife went to get more food, Segun said to me, “Kindly appreciate my wife, she is doing very well.” With that the testifier asked the congregation to stand up and give a standing ovation to his widow. In that way, he passed on information that Segun stylishly needed the world to know about his wife. For her effort and steadfastness, the widow was applauded for her contribution during her husband’s low moment.
Then, Sir Anthony agreed that men should treat their wives well, but quickly added that some women have tied their soul to the devil and there was nothing a man would do to please them. Living with such women leads to an early grave. And that is why some men get into relationships with sidechicks. Rhetorically, he asked what a man should do when his wife denies him of sex?
Again, some men still agree that God created men to be polygamous in nature. That is the reason, a child is never rejected entirely. Some cases of rejection might be out of shame, but deep down inside, no child is rejected. There is more to sexual relationships than meets the eyes. It is unexplainable.
