“Life has dealt me serious blows in different forms and in corporate world but I have raised my head high and know that God has been on my side.”
Christy Anyanwu
Marie Fatayi-Williams is a vocal woman. She talks and writes regularly about her feelings, especially about women, the state of the nation and other issues, and what she learnt from her son who was murdered in the UK in a terrorists attack some years ago.
What would you consider as the major influence in your life?
My parents. They showed me the path of God because whatever I do, I do it as if I’m serving my God and that has been my guiding principle. If I’m at work and I’m giving a task to do, I do it as if I’m serving God. That means standing on the side of truth, even if I’m not going to gain from it. When I was growing up in Cameroon, I learnt a song in the school assembly, which guides me till today. I was four years old when I learnt that song and I have never forgotten it as a child. (I am content with what I have, little be it or much).
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Being contented is a virtue; it is a God-given gift. Contentment is a problem in this country. People don’t seem to be contented. As far as you are not contented with your present state, it becomes very difficult to know whether you will have more or whether you will be able to do the needful to make you have more. My late father used to tell us when we were small to banish selfishness from us. Somebody has something and you hold on to it. If you don’t know how to share from this small one that you have now, you may not be able to get more. If you get more, you may not be able to share. The more you give the more you receive. That was what they were trying to tell us at that time and it is there in the Bible. That, for me, is a guiding force.
Also, my late son, (Anthony, may his soul rest in peace) opened my eyes and I wrote it in my book, For the love of Anthony’ I was doing my Masters in England and I was coming back one day and we met incidentally. He parked his car at the car park near where we stayed and we were always coming home by train. We meet somewhere, he would pick me in his car and if I don’t meet him, I would take a mini cab or walk home. It was a cold winter’s night as I waited for him. He surfaced and I said ‘Anthony where were you?’ He replied: ‘Mummy, you passed by that beggar and you didn’t give him anything.’ I answered ‘don’t you see the cans in front of him that he’s been drinking?’. ‘I didn’t have money on me; I went to get some money to give him.’ I told him that man would use that money and buy more drinks. My son replied coldly, ‘mummy, I thought you are the churchgoer, you follow Christ, and this man is a beggar. We are going home to a warm meal, to a warm house, that man is there in the cold.’ He continued: ‘Even if he’s using the money to buy drinks, if that makes him happy and warm, so be it, mummy.’ We got home and I told him to make me a cup of tea. He said: ‘Mummy, there’s no milk at home.’ I said ‘go and buy milk before shop closes.’ He is a big man, working, he told me he doesn’t have money to buy the milk that he gave the beggar all he had in his pocket. I was not okay with his action because I saw some cans with the man. Six months later, he was gone. Those words, lift me up till tomorrow. This boy taught me a lesson that I had not learnt all through my church going. I changed drastically because he opened my eyes to things I ought to do that I didn’t do as a committed Christian. It reminded me again of what my father used to say: ‘Give without counting cost.’
What kind of girl were you growing up?
I was a tomboy and very stubborn. I used to climb guava trees with my immediate brother. We used to play football together and do all sorts of things that boys do. That was in Cameroon. I came to Nigeria when I was 9 and I started secondary school at St Theresa’s College, Ibadan. I was the last-born, I was much protected but at the same time, I was a very rough and tumble kind of person. Some people think I’m tough; they call me names, Margaret Thatcher, Iron lady. I don’t know whether it is true. But if you are in a corporate world, that is another thing. You must show your feminism in a different way; you must have love for people; you must have that empathy; you must have that emotional intelligence but you must also couch it with a bit of sternness so that people don’t take you for granted. I have always had a tough exterior but a very soft interior. You need that in certain ways to be able to ride the tides of time in the society.
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In all these, what lessons have you learnt about life?
Life has dealt me serious blows in different forms and in corporate world but I have raised my head high and know that God has been on my side. Life itself has dealt me a serious blow; I lost my first son, my only son in the 2005 terror attack. But I still hold on and that I’m strong is because of the grace of God and I thank God for it. That’s why I believe strongly in what father George Ehusani preached recently at a lecture. I feel re-energized to say I want to be part of everything that is going on. I want to do something, I want to say something, I want to galvanize women again. I want to tell women to come out again and let’s do something. I can’t just relax and sleep and say I’ve done my bit. No. It’s not for me anymore. It’s for generations unborn and the young ones that don’t seem to know what happened in the past, that don’t seem to know who their real mothers are, that don’t seem to know the way forward but are now thinking that it is prosperity gospel that is the way forward. They now think that money is everything, they think of how to make money quickly, drive fast car and get everything overnight. Let’s mentor them as women.
You still look good, what are the secrets?
Look good? (Laugh) It is the grace of God, prayers and blessed Sacraments. I won’t lie. When I go for blessed sacraments, I’m very conscious of what I eat and I don’t eat that much for strange reasons. I eat almost everything. If I want to eat pounded yam, I eat a small amount of pounded yam but with a big bowl of vegetable and sauce. I cook my vegetables with less oil and I don’t cut my meat into big pieces. I chop them in smaller pieces. You found out that you have not consumed much chicken or meat. I follow the therapy of water.
First thing in the morning, I drink my tea and fruits. I like Quaker oats and a lot of fruits, cherries in it. I eat almost everything but in reasonable quantity. My daughter and I used to walk a lot in the morning, I stopped but I need to resume again. Going to gym has never been my style. Maybe now that I have retired, maybe I should do some gym, which is another form of exercise. Now, that I have a lot of time, maybe I should do some golfing as well. Reading and writing is my passion. I love to read. I like to do refresher courses. I attend my alumni association meetings and programmes, like that of Oxford and London Business School. I go to some of the things they do. Those things continually refresh my mind and my way of thinking and my psyche and that keeps me going. I write a lot of poetry but I don’t publish. I write things that hurt me. On my late son’s 13th anniversary, I did a write-up in Thisday newspapers. That day, I felt so deeply moved about what is going on in the country. It ended up like a poetic write-up, which I put in the papers on the contemporary issues happening in Nigeria but I used my son’s anniversary because of the way he died. I linked it with what is happening here and the recent inferno in London where a lot of people died. That is how I give myself interior release and peace. I’m socially concerned and write about the things that are going on in the society that deeply hurt me. Those are the things I write about.
What is style to you?
I dress to suit the occasion. I’m all-purpose and I can wear anything but I love traditional wears now that I grow older. Maybe because there’s more designing to it now. You can wear the local prints and make it elegant. I love to dress well. Not expensive, but affordable to suit the moment. There are certain things I would never empty my wardrobe for because fashion comes and goes. When I wear certain things people ask where I get them, if they knew how long I have had it. Our parents in those days have bottom box. People don’t have bottom box these days. I have certain things I wear for certain occasions; I bring them out and wear, pack them properly and keep. For me, it’s evergreen each time you wear it, it doesn’t clash with what people are wearing. I don’t spend too much on jewelry. I wear simple chain even if I dress to kill. I don’t have the glitterati that I must have this diamond. I like to see it on people, I admire it but I’m content with what I have.