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You must have heard the cliche ‘Love is blind’ for the upteempt time. When a man and a woman are in a relationship, you would either hear the man say, ‘I love her’ or the lady would say, ‘I love him.’
If truly spouses love each other as they tend to project, why are we witnessing alarming increase in divorce rate? Why are couples separating? It is worrisome that men and women who once professed love to each have died as a result of domestic violence, perpetrated by the same person that claimed to love the them. Love my foot!
Love is a strong emotion that has not been fully understood because it is somewhat complex. The early stages of romantic love might involve fantasy, during which the personality flaws of either of the two may be ignored.
Some still argue that true love involves accepting flaws and imperfections of each other. Others suggest that love being blind can refer to a willingness to overlook certain issues – and potentially to one’s detriment. Not far fetched though, ‘love is blind’ can also indicate that cognitive biases, including those related to attraction and perception of romantic partners can influence how people see their partners, possibly leading to both positive and negative outcomes.
In line with the various indications and assertions about love being blind one recalls that maybe some ladies are adjusting to reason that there is a better and stronger union than ‘I love you.’
Recently, in an online interview that went viral, two children from billionaire families of Igbo origin recently got married. A popular on-air-personality invited them for a chat as they were getting for the big day. OAP asked the bride, do you love him? The bride in a matter-of-fact manner said: “I do not know what is called love. If love is blind on responsibilities, then it is not for me. When my fiancé proposed to me, I accepted his proposal because I studied his character and it matched what I wanted. He is always available and willing to attend to me. That is exactly what I want in a man. I do not want an empty boast of I love you or love is blind while I am emotionally and spiritually hurt. A man who is proactive, committed and responsible, will always make a happy home. Those were my watch-words. A man I could call at any time, and he would respond to me immediately. Every call is not for money, it could be for advice on a business idea, it could be to attend to my academic challenges or other personal issues. It could even be for my family’s sake. A man who is in love should be up and doing. One cannot claim to be in love while his partner suffers. Therefore, a lazy man cannot please me; neither will a man with a litany of excuses. I was watching out for the possibilities in his character. I was satisfied with what I saw and then decided to accept his proposal. If he had come to me professing love, I would have turned him down. Again, one cannot claim he loves someone, then when you need your man, he will not be available – he will go into voicemail. I am very strong in my business, while my husband is not in my line of business. He is an industry man, and we support each other in many ways. If he is not available, or full of excuses, not ready and willing to stand up as a man then he cannot operate within my circle. I do not know about other ladies, but I am not a promoter of looks. He is tall, dark, handsome, has six packs and all that crap. My definition of a happy union is responsibility. In addition, both of us were born into business families. Our parents did not sit down to wait for the government to feed them. They worked hard to be where they are today. When they are both referred to as billionaires, it is a sign of hard-work. But then, no one saw their starting times, the struggles and mistakes before they got to where they are now. We will also follow the footsteps of our parents to work hard and enjoy our lives.”
In another marriage seminar, the anchor had asked a witty young lady, what do you want in a man? She said: “I love my man to be tall, dark and handsome.” Same anchor asked her: “Yes, tall, dark and handsome are good looks, what next? The girl showed through her response that did not know what she wanted.
Ladies like her who want to go into marriage without knowing exactly what they want are a bigger problem to the institution of marriage.
Sometime ago, a close pal got into a hot argument with her husband and described him as ‘handsome but useless.’ Her marital decision obviously turned into a great regret. Michael, the husband, was her choirmaster, and Peace was a choir member in their parish. Whenever Michael mounted the podium to sing, it was always a beautiful sight to behold. A tall, fair skinned man who made heads around whenever he walked into a place. One thing led to the other, Michael and Peace fell in love and wedded not long after announcing their engagement. Peace and many other choir members were already blindfolded by Michaels good looks. Some ladies even envied her for catching a big fish. As they settled into marriage, some of that fantasy began to fade, Peace started to see the realities of life. Her husband had nothing doing, but smooth-tongued her into believing him and covered all that with dedication to being choir master. Peace said: “If I had known this, I would not have married him. He is just handsome and useless.”
In the same vein, Mama Princess is a popular petty trader and a daily income earner. After sometime, her husband surprisingly joined her in the business to roast corn. On a certain day, Mama Princess was seen gulping a bottle of Fanta with speed. Her neighbour cautioned her to be careful, to avoid choking. She responded, saying “I have to drink it fast before my husband comes back. Otherwise, we will share just a bottle of Fanta. My husband would be on the bed, while I go to early morning market to carry bags of corn. Before he comes out to meet me, I would have sold the first set of boiled and roasted corns.”
These and many more do not show that these other couples are in love as it should be. Probably, they did not look into the character of the men to be sure they were capable of handling responsibilities. Truly, marriage does not change the nature of a person. A hard-working man will always be a hard-working man while lazy man will always be a lazy man even at old age.
So many handsome men are usually full of excuses. They rely on their good looks, to hoodwink women into a big mess. Those men who care about their skin and tone it to impress women are heavy source of distraction. Men who do not dare to take risks. Who compete with their wives in looking at the mirror before they go out, watch them, they are not willing to be responsible husbands. A woman who marries them would regret it, but can bear it all because of her children.
Then you who are sex professionals. Most of the men who give birth to many children are the lazy types – essentially bed masters. When I first came to Lagos, I visited my aunt at Orile. Two other ladies from the neighborhood also came to visit her and they got into yard gossip about a certain man in the neighborhood who they described as ‘ugly’. He was an ugly hard-working man whose family fed well, all his children were in good schools. His wife celebrated him because she was happy in her union.
Dear ladies, to reduce marital challenges, please stop professing love and look out for the real things. Ask necessary questions, find out what the man does for a living. Find out why he is always changing jobs. Find out if he is a gambler. What are his activities with other women. Forget the talk about love being blind and focus on the real thing.
