A young mother crouches by the roadside, breastfeeding her baby while selling fruits under the scorching sun. Nearby, another woman, with her baby strapped to her back, peddles sachet water and soft drinks, while yet another, carrying twin babies, goes from car to car, begging for alms from motorists and passers-by. Scenes like this are common in our cities and highlight the resilience and industrious spirit of Nigerian women, particularly mothers. They also serve as undeniable proof of the dedication these women have toward the well-being of their families.
From the bustling Idumota, Oyingbo, Balogun, and Oshodi markets in Lagos to similar locations across the country, the narrative remains the same. Whether it’s in the blazing heat or the pouring rain, Nigerian women are constantly on the move, determined to earn a living despite challenging conditions.
This tireless work ethic is not confined to urban areas alone. In rural communities, women are heavily involved in farming—planting, harvesting, processing, transporting, and selling produce. Travellers frequently encounter women and children eagerly swarming vehicles, trying to sell various goods to passengers. Often, people buy not out of necessity but from a mix of pressure, sympathy, and an urge to support their efforts.
A visit to construction sites provides yet another glimpse of these industrious women. Those not selling food to the workers can be seen balancing head-pans of mixed cement, the heavy load spilling onto their bodies, evoking images of extreme hardship. Yet, this is all in the pursuit of providing for their families. As a popular radio comedian aptly puts it, “When hunger is chased away, every other problem becomes a mere sideshow.”
Even in the teachings of Jesus Christ, the significance of food is evident. He taught his followers to pray, “Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11 NLT). He also fed five thousand people with just five loaves of bread and two fish (Matthew 14:13-21), reinforcing the idea that hunger must be addressed before one can truly rejoice. When He raised Jairus’ daughter from the dead, His immediate instruction was, “Give her something to eat” (Mark 5:43).
One day, I was at a general hospital when an ambulance rushed in with the lifeless body of a middle-aged woman—a mother. She was one of those employed to sweep the expressways, donned in her reflective uniform. A reckless driver, ignoring her visibility, knocked her down while she was on duty. It was a tragic end to her struggle to provide for her family. Among the countless women striving daily to sustain their families are widows left behind by men killed in violent conflicts. Others are wives of laid-off workers or retired elderly men who are no longer able to work and have yet to receive their pensions.
Single mothers, too, work tirelessly in government offices and private firms, often serving as the backbone of their families. In many households, the wife’s income far surpasses that of her husband, making her the primary provider, responsible for food, school fees, and other expenses.
Beyond providing for basic needs, women are increasingly responsible for funding family holidays abroad and purchasing luxury items. Some women have even built homes in their husband’s villages. This is not a matter of envy; it is simply the reality. Behind the polished exteriors of some well-dressed gentlemen are struggling wives, quietly bearing the burden of sustaining the family. It raises the question: how “weak” is the so-called weaker sex? While men have long been viewed as the breadwinners, the truth is that many women have become the main providers. In light of this, can we still confidently claim that men are the sole breadwinners?
The shifting dynamics within families have created tension in many homes. While women often bear these burdens with forced smiles, frustrations occasionally surface. It’s not uncommon to hear a wife lament, “I’m only staying in this marriage for the sake of my children. My husband doesn’t care, yet he still demands his marital rights every night.” Such sentiments are often at the heart of many failed marriages.
However, it’s not always that the man doesn’t care. In many cases, financial difficulties or job loss leave him feeling helpless. When a man is without a job, or his salary is too small to make a meaningful contribution, or his pension is delayed, there is little he can do but wait and hope for better days.
This brings us to the issue of the minimum wage. A man’s earning capacity should be sufficient to meet basic needs. As they say, “Money isn’t everything, but it’s far ahead of whatever comes second.” In my village, money is humorously described as the “charm” that makes even the ugliest man attractive. A life without money is demeaning, as both major and minor challenges seem to taunt a man’s inability to respond. In such situations, a wife’s love and understanding become crucial, rather than resorting to complaints and mockery (with due respect to the legendary Fela Anikulapo-Kuti).
There’s a story of a jobless man who attended a religious crusade with his wife. When widows were asked to raise their hands for a special blessing, his wife raised hers. The husband nudged her and whispered, “This call is for widows, not you.” But she persisted. When he asked again, she retorted, “In this condition, do you think you’re still alive?” Deeply hurt by her remark, the man left the gathering feeling utterly defeated.
Yet, there are many men who remain dedicated husbands, providing and caring as God intended. May they continue to be blessed, Amen. For those who are unable to fulfil their traditional roles due to financial constraints, it’s essential to show appreciation for the wives who carry the load. Instead of being harsh or domineering, mutual respect and understanding can help them navigate tough times together. I recall visiting a newlywed couple as a child and witnessing the husband feeding his wife by hand. I initially thought she was unwell, but I soon realised it was simply a gesture of love.
In a marriage blessed with such genuine affection, if challenges arise later, the wife should remember those tender moments and count her blessings. She can then look to the Lord and say, “Father, I thank You.”
•For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0909 041 9057; [email protected]