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Yes, the question posed above is for those ladies that scheme to get impregnated by men in certain categories: celebrities, those with high status and well heeled, fabulously rich.
These ladies get into a relationship with the man that is targeted, frolic with him, go to all the right places, being seen by his friends and all. Then at the right time, she will manoeuvre him into impregnating her. Gleefully, they tell the man about the pregnancy and if he does not raise any objection (as in demanding an abortion), the lady carries the pregnancy to term, gives birth and then inundates social media with news of the baby’s birth.
At this point, you don’t find the man twitching the tiniest of muscles, no effort made at all, to move in the direction of marrying the lady. Yes, he would provide for the innocent child. He could very well dote on the child, show him/her off on social media and generally be a good daddy. Marry the mother of the baby? No way. After all tge lady should be content that he agreed to be publicly associated with the child as Baby Daddy.
What do ladies seem to achieve by being tagged as Baby Mama? Like a rash, the baby syndrome spreading. The rate at which Baby Mama syndrome is gaining ground is alarming. To a large extent it is the woman that will bear the burden of parenting the child. So, why do women get sustain affairs that do not get properly consummated? Must every relationship lead to pregnancy and Baby Mamaship? Relationships are actually meant to be enjoyed by both men and women and sex both protected and unprotected should not be the focal point because the dangers are much. When the supposed love affair crashes, it takes the grace of God for the woman to pick the strings of her life and bounce back again.
Now, what I am yet to figure out is if ladies purposely set themselves up for men to either cash out on him; drop a name or belong to a certain class and finally destabilize the legal Madam, who if course was properly married and wedded. Some are just comfortable with being Baby Mama, especially when the man involved is a celebrity.
Interestingly, I have utmost respect for ladies who quietly and responsibly choose to be single parents to their children for whatever reason. Most of such ladies do not parade themselves and embarrass their children as Baby Mama. Instead, they do their thing responsibly and respectfully. You understand the import of the stigma which Baby Mamaship carries when watch the video of Mrs. Funmi Falana, wife of Femi Falana and mother of Nigerian singer, Folarin Falana, popularly known as ‘Falz, the Bahd guy’, showering prayers on him during his 32nd birthday. In the video which Falz shared on his Instagram page, the mother said: “I want a good wife for you, not Baby Mama. I don’t want baby mama, I want a real wife, a good one, a born-again Christian.”
Clearly, being Baby Mama is not achievement worth pursuing. Mrs Falana publicly rejected the trend and prayed that her son would have a worthy wife. No responsible mother would wish her daughter to be a Baby Mama. Being properly married is dignifying. In the days of yore, it was unheard of for parents to allow their daughters get into careless relationships that could lead to unwanted pregnancies. Back then, girls that got pregnant were mocked. Mothers whose daughters were engaged in such were seen as failed women and they received punishment from the orthodox churches. I recall the unpleasant experience of my cousin, an undergraduate, who was visited by his female undergraduate friend. His mother called on the co-wife, who assisted her to push out the girl. My cousin watched the two mothers in action and could not talk. When Patience came to visit her suitor, Mike, for the first time, she was meant to pass the night. Mike’s mother made sure both slept in separate rooms. All these were meant to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Anything short of two families coming together to agree, to institute a new marital between their son and daughter is traditionally illegal. After Nse’s traditional marriage with her husband, Friday, Nse’s mother took her back home to wait for the church wedding. When people questioned her action, she said: “Let the marriage ceremonies be completed, otherwise when she joins him now, he will engage her in marathon sex, and pregnancy would take the place of white wedding. All the short-corners around marriage have different names, but cannot be called marriage even though marriage does not necessarily guarantee eternal happiness. At least the stigma of baby mama would never arise in a legal marriage.
Now, I do not know if the Baby mamas do consider their aftermath of a failed relationship. Do they have a deep think of the paternity acceptance, some accept while some reject especially when the man is no more unlike children born in legal unions? Do baby mama and her child realize they somehow become a cheap bowl for the village spit if they are not empowered to care for their child? All they see is a man who smooth-talks them into a relationship and finally dump them for another person. Should women consider these and many more scuttles, they would be careful in their association with men. All affairs must not lead to child birth especially the birth that has question mark. Almost all religious organizations insist on no-sex-before marriage to avoid stories that touch the heart.
While careful mothers hold their children in, they use every avenue to educate their children especially daughters on the dangers of Baby Mama. Mrs. Ojehome tried it with her daughter. It was one of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) in Surulere where we attended a beautiful wedding ceremony. The bride Chinonyerem Nkenna returned from United States where she was pursuing a PhD program in Information Technology while her groom Tobenna is a Medical Doctor based in Nigeria. Both parents were almost contemporaries in their profession likewise their children. It was a beautiful sight to behold from all ramifications. From Church service to Sheraton Hotel where the reception took place, we seated like queens and Mrs. Ojehome, who I have known over the years purposely brought her undergraduate daughter Kome for teachings of the day. She said to Kome, “I brought you here purposely to see things for yourself because seeing is believing. This is what it means to be a wife, this is the standard, anything short of a legal marriage from you, count me out, I am not looking at the razzmatazz, but the decision to take the right step in life first. Look at how the young bride is dazzling from head to toe; look at her husband and both parents, you can see the joy of the day in all of the.” Ojehome did not stop, “I can tell you that the lady made it happen because she raised her head above distractions and a worthy man found her. The happiness that is radiating today did not start now, it started years ago when she chose to focus on her studies to the best of her knowledge, listening and heeded to the advice from parents, guardian and God saw her through; today she has written her name in the book of accomplished women and not Baby Mama; even though it does not guarantee total happiness; I also agree with an adage that says, you do not judge a book by its cover, but the bride has brought honour for herself and parents by erasing Baby Mama from her name.”
Well, the gain in being a Baby Mama is superficial by my judgement because first the lady does not have that exalted crown of ‘wife’ and therefore would raise her child as a single mother like a widow. Baby Mama’s might be richer and more influential but as at the time of the drama, she is not a wife and might even be operating from a hideout.
Again, while we slaughter the women on the altar of Baby Mama’s table, the men who aid and encourage this sin should also be held by the scrotum, because if they zip up and cease fire, Baby Mama would become a thing of the past; while the women are blamed, men should also be blamed because there is no smoke without fire. It is so shameful that one man would have various Baby Mama’s hanging on his neck. Does that make them the desired big boys of our time? No. To the men, it is rather a big shame, low morale, and never taking heed of home training.
Dear Nigerian women, even that most children of Baby Mama are also called born-throway, all are not useless. There are a great number of them that are worthy men and women; but then Baby Mama is not encouraging, let us work on ourselves and be great wives and women.
