Choose what to remember

The human memory, they say, is a faculty that forgets, a paradox that underlines the frailty and limitations we face as mere mortals. Whereas misrecollect typically involves failure of memory retrieval, however, the ability to deliberately consign to oblivion harmful recollection is a luxury the protagonist must regularly indulge in. In the same vein, needless emotional turmoil can be avoided when the mind is trained to dwell on positive and profitable memories.

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Forgetting that until a few weeks ago she was a minister and one of the few women in the National Executive Council, Senator Aisha Alhassan, embarked on a puerile revenge mission against the party that made her one of the influential women in the present administration. Having been denied the All Progressives Congress governorship ticket, Alhassan also decided to deny the party secretariat of the furniture and computers provided by her. No doubt the former minister got her inspiration from former Ugandan Minister Patrick Okumu-Ringa, who destroyed the boreholes he drilled in a community when he lost a parliamentary election in August this year. For failing to support his electoral bid, Okumu-Ringa decided to punish the community by destroying boreholes he constructed several years ago as payback for the perceived ingratitude.

In both high profile tantrums, the attempt to justify such absurdities was pure sophistry. How easily we forget the good times and quickly retrieve from our mental server the toxic reminders of a once happy relationship. Reminiscent of childish tendencies, when after a major disagreement, the inane inclination was to return all gifts exchanged in the past, some even destroy photographs and memorabilia. Thankfully, the thought of the huge sacrifice made by my poor parents imposed some level of restraint and made me more circumspect and spared me from such foolery.

Etiquette is a social skill which prescribes a high sense of decorum even in the most trying circumstance, a call to dignity and polite behavior irrespective of the level of provocation. The foregoing is a good recipe for easy reconciliation which ensures minimal collateral damage to any relationship.

The political sagacity displayed by former Vice President, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, best exemplifies this scenario. It earned him the much needed endorsement of former President Chief Olusegun Obasanjo. It is to his credit that the presidential hopeful of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) refrained from a bitter revenge despite being painted in very uncomplimentary colours by his former principal. When it mattered the most, Atiku chose to remember in his own words, “Under his tutelage, I learnt quite a lot.” That singular tribute contained in his acceptance speech after winning the presidential ticket of the PDP ended years of acrimony and melted the resolve of an avowed opponent to Atiku’s ambition. That is the power of etiquette!

Securing the backing of Obasanjo, which was considered a master stoke has tilted the tempo of the forthcoming general election with positive sentiments flowing towards Atiku’s presidential bid.

The socially smart engage and make intelligent choices on what to reminisce on and what to relegate. Human relationships are susceptible to the deficiencies which imply that imperfection is a given. Social graces engender a decent lifestyle free from the clutter of self-inflicted barriers on critical relationships.

Social skills are embellished with profitable memories rather than wallow in the shortcoming of others. Your uncle saw you through school but you were treated like a slave? The key thing is he gave you the live wire, the hook that fetched you the golden fish which makes you relevant today. A friend who facilitated a major breakthrough but cheated you in a business deal? A spouse who immortalized the one singular misdeed of an otherwise loving and caring partner whose bare bone sacrifices secured the family financially and otherwise.

Ever wondered why Jesus made his biggest apostolic deserter his successor? He remembered that Peter loved him despite the predicted denials hence the famous question he repeatedly asked: “Loveth thou me?” Peter may have been a deserter but he was fundamentally a dependable ally.

While disagreeing, it is instructive never to be disagreeable. Mama Taraba enjoyed a prestigious position as a minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, aside other unquantifiable benefits provided by the party, the goodwill, social and political relevance, and of course, the perks of office. The governorship aspirant of the UNDP should remember that the party exercised political maturity and a commendable level of tolerance despite stringent calls for her removal after she pledged unwavering loyalty to the president’s rival, Atiku Abubakar, who is now the PDP presidential candidate. In the game of life, and not just politics, priority should be placed on permanent interests and positive outcomes.

What do you need to remember to bring you closer to your dream today?

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