This is one question that everyone needs to field. Whether big, whether rich, whether white. Life deals with everyone the same way: it rains or shines everywhere. The rich have problems wealth cannot solve; the poor face challenges that tantalise poverty.
In January of 2004, I told then Gov. Victor Attah of Akwa Ibom State while preambling a live television BUSH HOUSE NIGERIA interview that I didn’t need to ask how he was doing since, I mean… A deeply attentive, quick-witted man, he responded that I needed to at all times because I never know. It’s been two decades since but I cannot forget that lesson. The biggest, the most powerful, the wealthiest all face real challenges that the smallest, the weakest, the poorest can’t believe exist.
In the home, husband and wife who are not smart enough soon crumble under the same weight that others carry gracefully for decades. In the business world, partners tear down their empire simply because their ego or greed or both won’t let them cope one day longer. In the game of politics, things are far worse; even the tough go away when the going gets tough. In the office, chief and deputy suddenly shame their families and friends the way they bicker like spoilt children over the same spoils of office others “chopped and cleaned mouth”.
Please, learn to ask everyone how they are coping even when they look as though without a care in the world. Truth to tell, everyone is in some mess and dealing per time with what their mouth cannot explain. So, how are you coping, dear President Bola Ahmed Tinubu? How are you coping, dear Gov. Umo Eno et al?
How are you coping (with the burden of leadership), dear leader? How are you coping (with the difficulties of submission), dear follower? How are you coping (with the monstrosity of fame), dear celebrity? How are you coping (with the craziness of fanship), dear fan?
How are you coping (with inflation and hardship), dear poor man of Nigeria? How are you coping (with unpredictable markets and policy somersaults), dear market woman? How are you coping (with crowded curricula and hopeless future), dear student? How are you coping (with demanding job schedules and ever-rising cost of living), dear parent?
How are you coping (with harsh economy and taxation), dear business people? How are you coping (with unemployability and impossible overheads), dear employers of labour? How are you coping (with insane expectations and low revenues), dear public office holders? How are you coping (with poor renumeration and poorer motivation), dear workers?
How are you coping (with all that blood on your hands), dear assassin? How are you coping (with all the people you have pulled down), dear blackmailer? How are you coping (with all the lives you have messed up), dear con artist? How are you coping (with all the chaos you have generated), dear despot?
How are you coping (with all the fanaticism), dear extremists? How are you coping (with all the foolishness), dear fool? How are you coping (with all the violence), dear gangster? How are you coping (with all the bitterness), dear hater?
Now, let’s connect the dots. In readying this entry, I asked someone frowning how she was coping, since I thought she was going through a patch. Her response was iconic: she was excellent, she told me; that frowning was just a strategy to keep away people who had taken too much advantage of her. My, some coping mechanism!
Another respondent who was chosen because she won’t stop smiling told me she was desperate to shame the devil. She had lost her husband of 30 years and all of their five children in a road accident, two days prior. I didn’t know any of the six but she coped better than me, in that instant. You bet, I would never have had the temerity to ask how she was coping had I known that such calamity had befallen her.
What about the billionaire I ran into on the aircraft? He looked every inch on top of the world. After debating in my mind why someone who is not a millionaire should worry about a known billionaire, I popped the how-are-you-coping question. The tales of losses and betrayals that the man narrated left me teary the whole flight.
Please, always ask people how they are coping no matter whether you think you have already second-guessed. Life is now the more you look, the less you see; the less the more. The people smiling are those suffering, the ones you think are sad are actually team happening.
I repeat, don’t think you know. Don’t assume, don’t conclude. Ask people, all people, how they are coping. You may just be saving a life; you may just provide an ear, a shoulder, and what have you.
The other day, a federal public office holder gave his colleagues, all of them, the type of treat that only their boss could afford. He told them he wanted, on behalf of the boss, to take out time and appreciate their sacrifice for the country. Three days after, I came along and randomly sought to know how he was coping. Such a shame, he told me he wasn’t “coping anything”.
One of those feted had gone to the boss to say that the guy was showing off too much money. And, that by serving expensive food and drinks and even offering financial help to about five colleagues who needed it, he was trying to outshine the boss. That soirée and its aftermath throw up a question you cannot ignore: how can anyone who set out to do good cope after their benefactors turn on them? The answer, fortunately or unfortunately, is another question: how did Jesus or how does Christ cope?
About time we got back to more on-field findings. An empathetic, innocent neighbour got the how-are-you-coping shock of their life when the other retorted whether the question was a function of their surprise that all of their evil plots had failed. Imagine such hollowness. Which reminds me: during a Michael BUSH Mentoring Academy session in Uyo last Saturday, Blossom Bassey Williams of Class 2023 went: “The Boss, how can one cope with false accusation”?
You can’t come and kill yourself, my dear. Let them say all they want but don’t let it resemble you. Always pray for God to deliver you from wicked and unreasonable men, women and children (namely accusers, frenemies, haters, hypocrites and allied workers of iniquity). Also, always pray for vindication to come in your lifetime and when you haven’t lost too much as a result of accusation.
I pray for you as well. May nobody spitefully target or use your family or you. May your family or you never be punished for things you never committed. Above all, may the Christ in your family and in you strengthen you all to do or survive all things.
Above and beyond, have faith: be patient. Never forget that you have in you the Spirit and everything else you need to cope like the hero you are. So, with everything you now know, how are you coping, dear hero? Please, answer as onto the Lord because, no matter what the devil does or says, it is well.
God bless Nigeria!