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Apostle Uche Uchechukwu and Pastor Mrs. Evelyn Kelechi Uchechukwu are ministers of the gospel and founders of the Glorious Saints of Christ Assembly based in Lagos. The ministers, who celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in June last year, told CHINYERE ANYANWU, the secrets of their staying power in marriage. They also shared words of advice for younger and intending couples.
Where did you two meet?
Pastor Evelyn: We met at the Christian Pentecostal Mission (CPM), Iganmu Branch. My first encounter with him was on one of the days we were working on the church building project.
Apostle Uche: Like my wife said, we met in the house of God while engaging in God’s work and we have remained in the house of God. We met in the presence of God and by God’s grace, his presence is still with us today. We met as ordinary members but today, we have grown to become pastors.
How did you propose to your wife?
Apostle Uche: When God spoke to me concerning her, I didn’t go to her directly. I had to follow the rules of the church. I met two of my pastors, Pastor Lawrence Ekeada and Pastor Covenant, and shared my vision with them. They prayed along with me, after which I met with the marriage committee and shared the same vision with them without her knowing. By the time they were convinced that what I was saying was true, they gave me permission to go and meet her. When meeting her, I didn’t go alone. I went with one of my Christian friends. I told her my mission and asked her to go and pray. She prayed and came back to tell me we should go ahead.
What qualities attracted you to each other?
Apostle Uche: The fear of God. The fear of God is the beginning of marriage, it is the beginning of life, it is the beginning of anything in life. The fear of God is number one and I saw that in her. It’s the fear of God that made her to be committed to her service to the Lord as a chorister.
Pastor Evelyn: The fear of God I saw in him was my number one attraction but another thing that held an attraction for me was his state of origin. I’m from Imo State and I’ve always wanted to marry an Anambra man. That has always been my desire even when I was growing up. Another attraction was his physical stature. I’ve always wanted to marry a tall, slim and dark complexioned man.
How did you feel when he proposed?
Pastor Evelyn: I wouldn’t say I was excited because I was still very young then. But I was believing God for a God-fearing man. I had too many of them coming to me with marriage proposals but I wanted the one from God, so when he came to me and I went back to pray, I remembered what God told me many years ago and I was convinced that he was the right man for me.
What has held your union together for over 25 years?
Pastor Evelyn: The fear of God has helped us to build our love. Despite the challenge of eight years of childlessness, with him being the only son of his parents and an Anambra man, the fear of God helped us to stick together and still remain in Christ till our prayers were answered.
Was there any opposition to the union?
Pastor Evelyn: There was too much opposition. The opposition started from the church. A lot of sisters in the church had been praying and wishing he would marry them. So when we started marriage counselling and it became obvious I was the one he chose, some sisters became confrontational and there was enmity everywhere. Even one of them confronted me after service one day and told me – ‘I hate you.’ And I asked her why. I reported the matter to one of our leaders and when she was summoned, she couldn’t give any answer. It was discovered that her hatred was borne out of envy.
I faced stiff opposition from his father. His main reason was that many ladies from Imo State married in their area were misbehaving so they had a strong aversion for women from Imo State. They insisted he must marry from their area. My father too opposed the marriage because he was bent on protecting his daughter. He insisted his daughter would not go to Anambra. The opposition was so much but because God had ordained our marriage, we overcame.
Apostle Uche: The devil will always oppose anything that is of God. That is where faith comes in. It took me two and half years to convince my parents, being an only son and most loved child so it wasn’t easy for me. Two weeks to the day I was going to pay her bride price, the wife of one of my cousins who is from Imo State left and my parents cried and said: ‘this is what we are saying.’ But I told them that I was going there because I was led by God. When they saw that I was resolute on marrying her, my maternal home was consulted and they gave me their support. My father began to lose support and it came to a point where he was the only one opposing the marriage. My father loved me so much that he did everything for me except in the case of my marriage; he did not contribute a dime because he was 100 per cent against it. Even on the day we were going to pay my wife’s bride price, he turned back three times on the way and people had to beg and beg until he finally gave in. But to the glory of God, today my marriage is the best in the entire family.
How do you settle disputes?
Apostle Uche: For the past 25 years that we’ve been married, nobody has come to settle any issue in our home. Not that we don’t usually have issues but because we know how we started, we solve the issues ourselves because calling people to come and settle problems for us will give them a reason to say ‘this is what we saw at the beginning that made us to oppose the marriage.’
Pastor Evelyn: One of the techniques that have helped us in handling differences is patience. I’ve found out that in marriage, when there’s an issue and you are quick to react in anger, you make a lot of mistakes before you know it. So no matter the magnitude of the problem, if you are calm and patient and listen, you will discover that the issue may not be what you think it is. A lot of things are spoilt in relationships because of anger but when patience is applied, the issues will be calmly solved.
What major challenges have you encountered in the marital journey so far?
Pastor Evelyn: The major challenge I went through in marriage was the initial eight years of waiting for a child. Secondly, transiting from being a businesswoman to answering the call of God full time was also a big challenge. It wasn’t easy for me. I said no initially. I told my husband, ‘if God called you, answer him.’ It took me time before I could give in. It took me days of crying, thinking of how I would cope with the huge responsibility of being a pastor’s wife. But eventually, I had to accept the challenge and God has been very gracious.
Apostle Uche: One of the major challenges I’ve faced in the marriage has been bringing the two families together. Getting the agreement of the two families to allow us get married took me two and half years, but I waited because I knew there was a blessing following it.
Second major challenge was my transit from being a businessman to a pastor. It was not easy. She married me as a successful businessman, a man who could throw millions around but could not now boast of a thousand naira. That was like going from grace to grass. This was a woman who was used to carrying money around. Her account had a mandate of having nothing less than N4 million everyday but this woman came to a point where she couldn’t boast of N100. At that moment, I thought I had lost her but she persisted and persevered, and stayed with me through that rigorous season of my life. I can’t forget the day my wife made soup with N40, a woman who was used to making soup with thousands of naira. She is a woman who is contented with whatever she has at any point in time.
The third serious challenge I faced in marriage is in the area of child bearing. It took us years and it wasn’t easy. I thought also that in that area she would have left. But little did I know that the child bearing challenge was attached to my calling. For eight years we waited and kept believing God. For such woman, it’s enough to make her move outside. It even came to a point my mother called her and asked her, ‘why are you still waiting for this man? You can as well go out there and have a baby. What matters is that I want a grandchild.’ But my wife told me after some days that she did not agree with my mother’s suggestion.
These challenges, especially in business, continued until I met a man of God, Prophet Oguejiofor, the founder of Zion Pentecostal Ministry, for counselling.
He told me there was a secret my mother needed to tell me and that once I got it, my destiny would be spelt out. So I travelled to the East, met my mother and told her what the man of God said and she screamed and said, ‘so God does not forget?’ She explained that she was the first wife of my father but because of her inability to bear a son, my father’s second wife gave birth to a son and that gave the second wife an edge in the family over her. Because of the depressing situation, my mother said she went to a Pentecostal church and met a man of God who used the book of 1Samuel Chapter 1 to minister to her. My mother then had three days of dry fasting.
As at that time, my mother had entered menopause but on the day she was ending the fast, the man of God asked my mother what sacrifice she would give to God for what she needed. My mother said she didn’t have anything, so let the son that God would give her be the sacrifice. At that moment, her menstruation was restored. Before that time, my mother and my father had not been having any conjugal meeting. But as God would have it, my father had an issue to settle at home, so he came back from Benue State. He turned to my mum and she became pregnant and I was born.
When I came back from that trip, I accepted to move closer to the altar. So it was not easy transiting from being a businessman to becoming a man of God but because the hand of God is there, I can see those things I felt I had lost being restored. By the grace of God, today I’m a father of three sons.
What do you love or dislike about your spouse?
Apostle Uche: Nobody is perfect, but if I’m to rate my wife, I would rate her 95 per cent because she has the virtue of contentedness. She can easily adjust to situations. She is very patient in handling things.
Pastor Evelyn: One very good thing about him, which I will also like every man to imbibe, is that my husband takes his immediate family first. For the 25 years plus we’ve been together, his family comes first in every situation. What he cannot do for his family, he cannot do for any other person. He can pay any price to ensure his children are okay. He cherishes his immediate family.
The character I would like him to do away with, which we drag over sometimes, is his habit of accepting people easily on face value.
What are the values that have continued to attract you to each other?
Pastor Evelyn: Like I’ve mentioned earlier, the way he cares for his immediate family is a strong virtue in him that has kept attracting me to him more and more over the years.
Apostle Uche: Her food. She is a great cook and because of that, I hardly eat outside. My wife is a good home manager and she always creates the atmosphere for peace. She makes me want to come back home. She trusts me a lot.
How do you manage problems from in-laws
Apostle Uche: Before I got married, I started advising myself from other people’s marital failures. After our wedding, I sat my wife down and told her two things: I told her to always treat my mother with respect. Secondly, I reminded her the difficulty we experienced before we could get the family’s approval to get married because everyone believed she would not be a good wife. So I urged her to prove them wrong. I also told her that whenever anyone from my family called me for assistance, I would give her the money and she would be the one sending it to them and she would call and ask them if they have received the money. And you will be a fool to fight such person. So it has come to a point where none of my relatives calls me for assistance.
They call her directly for assistance. All my relatives have accepted her and they love and respect her even more than me. As it is now, they can’t take any decision in my family without consulting her. The same thing is happening in her family’s side. Over there, I am lord and my words stand on every issue. This is a divine strategy God gave us and we are applying it and it’s working for us, so we have no problem with in-laws on both sides. My father in-law is 104 years old and he loves me so much. We are like one family. We have no issue at all.
Pastor Evelyn: My husband has said it all. That’s the way it is. In my husband’s community in Nanka, Orumba North Local Government Area, I’m a celebrity. I don’t have any challenge with my in-laws. Most people have in-law challenges because they refuse to understand what family is all about. Some women are very domineering and they want marriage to be just them and their husbands alone. A man cannot marry you and push away his family overnight. It doesn’t work that way.
How do you manage finances?
Apostle Uche: We have a joint account but we also have personal accounts. She helps me to maintain financial discipline.
Advice to younger or intending couples
Apostle Uche: Before a seed will germinate, it has to break the ground. It was not easy for us to break the ground. My advice to them is, marry a woman or man who has the fear of God. The fear of God is the secret of life.
Pastor Evelyn: My advice is that as a young woman, before you get married to any man, channel your mind that you are marrying your husband’s people first – his father, mother and his siblings. If you do this, no matter how wicked the family is, you have won them with love.
