Building up to this column this week, I threw an ad hoc bait on Facebook last week. I wanted to know what my friends thereon thought was the hardest job in our country. The voxpop rained a potpourri.
Here is an idea of what transpired there, a roll call of who and who said what. Sam Ibok wrote that the hardest job in Nigeria currently is being a Personal Assistant to a Nigerian politician. Abuja-based Emmanuel Nkem said no; that Nigeria’s current hardest job is journalism because of the hazards involved in the trade. For John Hollywood, “the hardest job in Nigeria today is onloading and offloading bags of garri, rice and beans, etc.”
Different folks, different strokes. Still, there is more; much more. Justiny Jussmi wrote: “The hardest job in Nigeria is being a leader. You try all you can to deliver the so-called dividends of democracy but a good percentage of the followers fail to see them.”
Prof. Ebenezer Matthew agrees that leading people is the hardest job in Nigeria. However, he blames the annoying inevitability on the fact that Nigerians do not easily unlearn old beliefs to accept or relearn new ways. He believes Nigerians have already-made-up minds when it comes to not agreeing with our leaders. Okonakpan Ofofonono chipped in something similar namely, that, defending a bad (or underperforming) government is the hardest call of them all.
For Engr Michael Goodluck Bassey, being the whatsApp admin. of a group peopled by former or present classmates is the toughest job in Nigeria. For Felicia Pius: “The hardest job as it stands is how to market yourself so that you become relevant in today’s world.” For Maka Emmanuel: “The hardest job in Nigeria at the moment is having no job. You instantly become a useful tool in the hands of the devil.
“Your primary assignment will be to welcome your neighbours back from work and to answer questions about missing items in the neighbourhood.” United States of America-based Namso Akpan corroborates that somewhat: “The hardest job in Nigeria right now is being a Nigerian.” Those few words say far too much, as do those of the next trio -in the last responses that this entry can accommodate. Princess Hilda Lemmy, based in Uyo, Akwa Ibom state, sets the ball rolling: “Teaching in an underfunded school is the hardest job in Nigeria.
“Teachers in most public schools often deal with overcrowded classrooms, lack of teaching resources and insufficient pay. This sometimes leads to a challenging and demoralising work environment.” Talking about education, next is a contribution by Cinch Niche Schools: “The hardest job in Nigeria is to be a divinely ordained helper. Yeah, we all should and can help but there are a few men and women made prisoners of help by providence!
“Nigeria seems to have perhaps the highest number of helpees than any other country, globally. Things are so bad, just one cup of garri that one passes to a neighbour would turn the whole community to beggars. I get embarrassed each time data freebies meant to promote a facebook page draw the attention of even politicians. Most married women become temporary widows just to be counted among beneficiaries!
“Pray for God to not make you a popular helper in Nigeria, else you may have to put on a mask every time you step out to buy recharge card across the street. The last time I passed by The Synagogue here in Lagos, I could still see beggars and lunatics, who had either benefitted or heard of the benevolence of the late Prophet T. B. Joshua, milling around what at some point was a global miracle arena. In fact, I will kickstart a global prayer conference for helpers in Nigeria soon (with your kind permission and support, The Boss). Selah!”
John Ronals who brought up the rear on the Facebook thread is here now: “The hardest job in Nigeria is serving an ungrateful master. You can work for ten years with nothing to show for it. He is only happy when you don’t have ambition. The moment you start planning your life, you get fired.
“My Boss, serving someone is the hardest job in Nigeria.” Really? What about the Igbo apprenticeship scheme that has defied science and education as well as our local mythology that is steeped in inferiority complex and fear? Alas, since people are entitled to their opinions, this writer would rather he shared his perspective than contest the veracity of others’ input.
It is true that the economy is harshest in Nigeria. It is truer that our country is in a shambles, across every stratum. It is truest that a vast majority of Nigerians do or say nothing to help Nigeria. They prefer the country, the only one that Nigerians have, stopped existing yesterday. Jokes apart, things are really hard in Nigeria. Nigerians are own governments. We supply ourselves water, electricity and security. In most cases, especially in the villages, we work or mend our roads and streets.
Nigerians in Nigeria cut the exact picture of orphans. With no mother or father, we get no help whatsoever. When we faint, the many times we are overwhelmed, we still have to be strong enough to look for water (sorry, to buy water) to resuscitate ourselves. Who does that, other than Nigeria? Yet, all of the aforementioned hardship pale away as child’s play when we need to speak the truth about how impossible it is to be a deputy (in power at any level) in Nigeria. Did you know that most Student Union Presidents and their Vice President live like cats and dogs? Would you believe that most Village Heads, most Clan Heads, most Paramount Rulers and their Second-in-Command operate like Russia and Ukraine or, if they have managed to learn the public-must-not-know ropes, like USA and China? God, please help this writer not to take this discourse anywhere near democracy.
Nigeria is too hypocritical, too pretentious, too unready to have that particular conversation. Why for crying out loud does Nigeria ensure that its Vice President, its deputy governors, its deputy speakers and its Council Vice Chairmen exist only on paper? Being deputy or vice anything in Nigeria is the toughest job, globally. You are expected -by the constitution, by the man or woman you were elected to assist and by the society (the electorate)- to be present 24/7 but never seen to be conspicuous or to say a word or to do even good unless you have been so expressly directed.
In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus denounces lighting a lamp and thereafter placing it under a bushel. The way this writer sees it, deputies in Nigeria and how we treat them like human mirages are the humanification of a lit lamp positioned under the bushel. Nigeria keeps groping in the darkness of leadership because injustice hinders the freedom of light that flows when two or more good heads are allowed to interfunction and maximally too. While praying and waiting for the constitution to fix this ugly, broken leg of the table, it is not too much for bosses of these deputies, who hold both the yam and the knife, to start trying the golden rule approach.
They should stop the desecration of that high office which is why its occupant almost always walk like on eggs. A democracy boss should engage with their deputy, listen to them and generally share power at least 60/40.
It can only be dreamt the mindblowing possibilities inherent in this unique style. Nigeria is waiting to see a deputy who in all honesty does not just enjoy the office but that enjoyment also shows so much that even the blind see it.
God bless Nigeria!