Reverend Anariochukwu Amadi is the Assistant General Secretary, (Ministerial), Nigerian Baptist Convention, and a one-time visiting Professor, Baptist Theological Seminary, Kaduna. Saturday Sun caught up with him and his wife, Josephine, a military nurse, during his 80th birthday celebration at his country home in Umuenye, Imerienwe in Ngor-Okpala Local Government Area of Imo State. The Amadis narrated to STANLEY UZOARU how they met, fell in love and got married 25 years ago following the death of his first wife. They also shared tips on things that make a successful marriage.
How did you meet your wife?
Rev Anariochukwu: My wife was introduced to me by her friend who is a colleague of hers and who is also a nurse. That was how I met her when I was looking for a wife to marry. That colleague of hers was the wife to my bosom friend, Professor Y A Obaje.
Madam, was this how the union began?
Madam Josephine: Yes, it’s the same. So, that colleague of mine came to me and said she wanted to introduce somebody to me. She said I should look if I could consider the person and I said until when I saw the person. He later came with his driver. Then I was a student. He was so blunt; he went straight to the point that he wanted to marry me. That was how he put it.
Was there any opposition from your family?
Rev Anariochukwu: I was mature when I married her. People couldn’t have dictated for me what to do. There was nothing like opposition at all. When I told my people this is who I wanted to marry, they all agreed. They said if it’s your choice, then go ahead.
Was the situation the same with you, madam?
Madam Josephine: Yes. Somehow, my people were initially hesitant because I’m from Anambra and they’re sometimes hesitant when it comes to marriage. So when I told them he’s from Imo State, they started thinking if he’s Osu (outcast) or not but to God be the glory both of us are Christians and that couldn’t be a barrier between us.
What would you say has made the journey smooth for both of you in the past 25 years?
Rev Anariochukwu: The fear of the lord. I’m a Christian and a reverend gentleman. She’s a Christian too, so Christ has made it possible for both of us to understand the background of marriage. I have wedded many couples and when I introduced her to my denomination, of which I was the leader, she accepted. And what I loved most about her is her being obedient because she agreed to follow me wherever I go. That has helped us because I’ve travelled from place to place as a minister. That has kept us all along. Her obedience, and my love for her, of course.
Madam, I’m sure there were lots of men eyeing you or suitors coming to seek your hands in marriage. Why did you choose him?
Madam Josephine: Although, before I met him, I’d been praying for a partner and I had a choice. I had been praying for a God-fearing man, and when he came across my way he was a minister, as he said, a God-fearing man. And that made it so easy for me to fall in love with him.
With so many spinsters available, why did you pick her?
Rev Anariochukwu: I have not made up my mind to say without her there wouldn’t be another person. I just decided to obey God. I said whoever God gave to me as a wife, I would accept. I know I have tried other ladies too. I went to one who’s a Yoruba person. I was at Ibadan then and she said she wouldn’t marry outside her tribe. The other one had her own problem too because she was engaged to someone else. So, I didn’t say it must be this person. I said whoever God gives to me I will accept and when she came, I loved her. Her appearance, status, qualifications and profession were all acceptable to me .
Can you still remember how you proposed to her?
Rev Anariochukwu: (Laughs) You see, she has the details. When it comes to that, women always have the details.
So madam, can you still remember how he proposed to you – the exact words and place?
Madam Josephine: As I earlier said, when he came, he met me at the University of Ibadan campus. I was studying in the library when he came with his driver. That my friend told me that he’s here so when I went down to meet them, he told the driver to excuse us. I entered into the vehicle and he went straight to the point and said he wanted to marry me and that he did not want a girlfriend or whatever. He asked me other questions – if I had anybody in my life or if I was engaged that I should know that he was a man of God. I answered him all that he asked and there he asked me if I was going to marry him. Then I asked him to give me time, that I had to seek the face of God too. He later asked me if I had questions for him. I didn’t have much because I wasn’t prepared for it. The only thing I asked him is if he had anybody in his life.
So when you met him again, what was your response?
Madam Josephine: When we met again, by then I had prayed and got the consent from God to go ahead, so I gave him my consent that I would marry him. I remember asking him later about his family background, his denomination because I’m of the Pentecostal, Foursquare Bible Church to be precise and he told me he was of the Baptist Church and I asked him things about his church which he explained. And there I found out it’s just the same Christ that we are worshipping.
What would you remember mostly about your wedding sir?
Rev Anariochukwu: On the day we wedded, she invited all the nurses in Ibadan. They came with their union and fellow students. What I can still remember then was that they gave me a title “Husband Of Nurses” (HON). That was what really struck me that day. So they said I should learn to treat her as a nurse and enjoy her as a nurse.
How about you, madam?
Madam Josephine: That excitement of being married, because I was a little advanced when I got married. I was about 36. That excitement that I was getting married brought down tears of joy in me and when I looked at the crowd and knew they all came because of me – my friends from Lagos where I was before I came down to Ibadan, my colleagues also in the military, because I was a military officer.
Did you know she was a military officer before you got married to her?
Rev Anariochukwu: Yes because it was the military that sent her to school. She was in the military when she got admission to school. She was a nurse in the military, so I wasn’t afraid of a combatant soldier because I myself was a soldier , a Biafran soldier.
Did you fight during the civil war ?
Rev Anariochukwu: Yes.
Do you mind telling us your experience?
Rev Anariochukwu: What has that got to do with marriage? (laughs).
Can you remember your first misunderstanding in marriage?
Madam Josephine: When I got married to him, he was living with his brother’s children – Ijeoma and Akachukwu. Ijeoma normally misbehaved back then. There was a time I scolded her when she misbehaved. I expected my husband to support me but it was the other way round. I never expected it. I felt hurt and went into the room and started crying and I expected him to pet and cuddle me but he remained adamant.
How about you sir?
Rev Anariochukwu: Like I said, I don’t count charges for women because, you see, there was a man who was complaining about his wife and his wife complaining about him. They went to a councillor and he bought two books for them. He gave one to the man and the other to the woman. He said to the man, any time your wife offends you, write it down. And he said same thing to the wife – woman anytime your husband offends you, write it down. They took the book home. After one year, they went back to the councillor and he said woman, bring your book. He handed it to him and the book was full of complaints. The man brought his own and it was empty. And the councillor asked, why haven’t you written anything? And the man replied, I have not because I love her. So that’s why I don’t keep record of what she has done to me or what I have done to her in other to make our marriage move forward.
What’s his favourite food?
Madam Josephine: Ofe Owerri and pounded yam .
And her own favourite food?
Rev Anariochukwu: Olugbu soup. She loves the soup because she’s an Anambra woman. I was not eating the soup before but because of the way she prepared it, I started eating it.
Why do you actually love her?
Rev Anariochukwu: Why l love her mostly is because she’s a peacemaker. If you offend her or she offends you she wants us to start talking again. She doesn’t hold malice like other women do.
Is that why you love him too?
Madam Josephine: My man is a man of peace. I would even say his second name is Peace and that he has been using it to hold their family – the Amadi family. It’s a large family and he’s the first son of Amadi family. If not for him, the family would not have been together. He’s also a man of faith, where my faith fails me he carries me along.
Your advice for young people? How can they have a lasting marriage?
Rev Anariochukwu: For the younger females, let them respect their husbands. Let them regard him as lord and the husband will regard her as a queen. Let them be obedient to their husbands because it will help. And to the younger men, let them endure because every woman has her own weakness. Psychology teaches us that a man can talk 1, 200 words in a day. But a woman will talk 2, 500 words a day. So if you listen to how they talk, you will be beating your wife every day. When the woman is talking too much, learn how to ventilate anger not on her but outside. If you want to leave the room, you can until she finishes talking. The man should also love and accept the wife for who she is. As a marriage councillor who has wedded over 100 people, I don’t think I can exhaust my words of advice.
Madam, any word of advice for the spinsters?
Madam Josephine: They should be obedient and tolerant to their husband for those of them who are newly married. No two marriages are the same. Bringing in a third party into your marriage is very bad. Don’t involve your family, even if it’s your parents or siblings. If they have misunderstanding among themselves, they should find a way to resolve it. It can be when they’re in bed and not when the tension is high. Nobody will listen to each other when the tension is high. But when it’s low, let the wife go to the husband and they thrash it out. Also, forgiveness is very important. They should learn to forgive each other.