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History was made in 2006, when Mrs Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf was elected the 24th president of Liberia. Then last year, she was in Lagos, to preside over the 2018 WISCAR Annual Leadership and Mentoring Conference, which had the theme: ‘Enriching Lives by Telling Our Own Stories.’
Though there were other speakers, the name of Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf attracted many people, who wanted to catch a glimpse of the widow-president. Yours truly was seated in the main auditorium of the MUSON Centre, Onikan, Lagos, to listen to the trailblazer. After she told the story of her life journey, especially how she was able to slug it out with men in politics despite being a widow, it became glaringly clear that nothing, including widowhood, should limit a woman. I gave it to her as a woman of substance, and to Liberians who elected her as their president, notwithstanding that she is a woman and a widow. She had mourned a soul mate and that fact was not written off.
Now, the question comes: how long should a widow mourn her late husband? This may seem a simple question, but for a woman, it is quite complex, when she finds herself in the unpleasant situation of widowhood. What lies ahead of a widow? What does she expect of herself? What again is expected of her from both families and the general public? Losing a partner throws a woman off balance. It does not matter at what age that the death of a husband happens, whether the man died when the union was still very young or he had attained the age of the biblical Methuselah, it is a very painful and agonizing moment for her. During the period of mourning, families are expected to give kind support to the bereaved woman, but it is not always so in most communities. Rarely can one see affinity between family members and a wife.
Remarkably, most Southeastern widows wear a dog tag of accusations. The incidence of these allegations is not a new development. Once a husband dies, fingers are often pointed at the woman as the murderer. But if a wife dies, rarely will the husband be accused of murdering her.
Some families see the passing on of a man as an opportunity to pounce on his property if there is any, including the widow he left behind. Those individuals and families who still have such mentality and behave in this manner are the biggest enemies of the dead man. Yes, enemies and scorners I call them because they are happy their brother died. It is in the issue of death that God is supreme. Anybody could be the first victim.
In this 21st Century, in this era of the Internet, social media and intellectual advancement, diehard traditionalists still want to keep the legs of women chained, particularly after losing their husbands. Widows are treated so harshly, and are told how they should live and run their affairs. Why is the expectation from a widow so high? Why do the men go scot-free while women are held down by traditional practices? Why has the church not been steadfast in the campaign to end these ungodly practices? Harmful widowhood practices should be eradicated.
For a woman, mourning is in the mind, heart, and spirit and how she decides to go about it is her business. People have various ways of expressing love, anger, pain and issues. Most traditions have pegged a specified time frame (like six months or one year as the case maybe) for a widow to mourn. This indicated time is for the public, because the mourner wears the shoe and knows where the pains are. But as spouses that lived together, shared common ideas, bed, food and quarrels, mourning such a person cannot just be an easy ride as people imagine it.
Who is the person that is qualified to fashion out a stereotype lifestyle for a widow? Why are widows castigated when they dress up like other women? Why do other men think they have found a cheap bowl for the village spit? Why do people think a widow should not be seen in the public spheres of life like politics and to hold political appointments? Who said that widows should not contest for electoral offices if they have the wherewithal? Whose opinion matters where children of widows attend schools, within or outside the country? Why can’t these groups of women be ordained as pastors and religious leaders? Who says they cannot head parastatals, genuine global businesses, become CEOs and executive directors. Liberians did not judge Johnson-Sirleaf as a woman or widow; rather they focused on her proof of integrity, responsibility and ability to deliver on the dividends of democracy. I want to believe that Mrs Sirleaf had in-laws, family members and church members. They did not shut her out rather they gave her the needed support, which propelled her in the quest for the Liberian presidency.
There are families where widows have no say even in their own life and that of their children. It is the other members of the family who decide what is good for her and the children. Such wicked uncles will never set their minds right for their brother’s children. It is to be noted that this is not applicable in all situations because one particular distant in-law trained six children of his late brother to university level and stood by them until they graduated with degrees. In some extreme situations, some family members make it their business to checkmate the widow, know who knocked on her door and imagine what could have transpired between them. They monitor her movement closely.
Worthy of note is the fact that these fault finders conveniently overlook the fact that the joint responsibilities once borne by the couple have fallen on the shoulders of the widow alone. Vital among the responsibilities is the raising of the couple’s children, following the vacuum created by the husband’s demise. In one terrible case, a widow was compulsorily mandated to complete a storey building that must be finished before her late husband could be buried. Alongside this is the nuisance of male admirers, most of whom may be less than her late husband in worth.
This is a wake-up call for both men and women to live aright and be free with each other. There was one heartwarming story about a man who was about to undergo a delicate surgery with a 50-50 chance of survival. Before the surgery he took his wife round and introduced her to his business partners and account officers. He instructed: “If I do not make it from my surgery, please ensure my wife who is my next of kin inherits all my estate because I trust what she can do.” The wife was in tears while taking instructions. Fortunately, the man survived the surgery.
A widow is a full-fledged human being created by God. She was not born as a widow. She became a widow as part of life’s journey. Without question, widows have the right to live, laugh, relate and remarry like their male counterparts if they chose to. They have the right to attend parties and dance. A widow needs no permission to drive a state-of-the art vehicle, travel to any part of the world and live in a mansion. She has the right to be happy in another relation if she so desires. She can wear expensive clothes and jewellery, designer shoes and bags if she likes them and can afford them. A widow can take a chieftaincy title if she merits it. She can empower others and award scholarships at her will. She is an acceptable member of the society, not an ex-convict or an outcast. If Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf could attain such heights in politics, other widows should not be restricted by antiquated traditional practices. Have a great Sunday!
