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IF you have the misfortune of dating a manipulative guy, you are done for. Manipulative guys are bad news. You can never win with them.
These guys don’t take responsibility for their actions. They blame their women for things that go wrong in their lives even when it is clear that they are paying for their actions.
A manipulative man will play with your emotions to the point of breakdown. He will heartlessly use your emotions to make you agree to his terms. A manipulative man will find out your weaknesses and prey on them.
They guilt trip their women into staying with them even when they are psychologically, emotionally and sometimes physically abusing these women.
Guys who threaten to harm or kill themselves whenever their lovers or spouses want to leave them are manipulative boys. They know how to play the game well.
These guys are good at emotionally blackmailing women into staying in dysfunctional relationships with them. These men are very selfish and they really don’t care about their partners.
It doesn’t make sense to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t love and respect you especially one who manipulates you at will. Even if you are a hopeless romantic, you have to love yourself more than you love him and break up with him.
Recently, there was a story that made rounds on social media about a young man who allegedly killed himself because his woman left him. He didn’t care about the pain he would cause his family and friends; he just wanted to deal with his ex girlfriend.
The annoying aspect of this sad story was that this guy kept telling everyone that if he dies, the girl should be held responsible. Even at the point of death, he was still playing his manipulative games.
Even after drinking three bottles of sniper and dying, this man was still being manipulative during the last minutes of his life. What an egoistic manipulative boy! It is sad that people refused to see through his action.
Nigerians who refuse to use their brains and the ones who are quick to blame women for the actions men take about their lives are blaming the lady and curs- ing her on social media. Even the family of the deceased was threatening the girl.
I really don’t know why people were blaming her. The guy was cheating on her with reckless abandon. He even had sex with one of her friends and she forgave him but decided to move on with her life.
She told him it was over be- tween them and this boy went and killed himself just so that people would blame her for his action. Are people trying to say that a woman doesn’t have the right to leave any relationship whenever she wants to leave?
Is it by force to stay in a relationship with someone who lacks self control and respect for his partner? Why is it that every misfortune that befalls a Nigerian man must somehow be blamed on a woman even though he was the architect of his misfortune?
The unfortunate thing is that most Nigerian men have bloated, fragile egos and they think they are the only ones who have the right to dump women. This is why when these women shock them by dumping them, they feel less.
Their egos are too fragile to cope with the reality of getting dumped. They don’t know how to handle their feelings so they now resort to suicide just to paint the women in a bad light.
Women should be careful about the kind of men they date and marry. You should know some of the signs of manipulative guys so that you will save yourself the unnecessary stress on time before it is too late.
A manipulative guy plays the victim in every scenario. If he misses work, it’s your fault for not waking him up on time. It he trips, it’s your fault for placing the rug there.
If he gets drunk, it’s your fault for stressing him out. If he yells, it’s your fault for getting him angry. He refuses to take responsibility for his own actions.
He has the habit of forgetting the bad things he did to you. If you fought the night before, he will wake up with a smile and act like nothing happened. If you catch him in a lie, he will act like he only got the story wrong because he was confused. He doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of what he’s done so he plays dumb.
He has a ready excuse for his wrongdoing. If he cheats on you, it’s because his parents never raised him right. If he comes home late, it’s because his friend wouldn’t let him leave the bar. If he does anything bad, it’s some- one else’s fault, not his. It is never his fault.
He accuses you of being too emotional. If you get angry because of something he said, he will act like it was only a joke. If he hurts you, he will act like he never meant for it to happen. He will make it seem like you are psycho for getting upset when you have every right to get upset.
He refuses to answer your questions. He will either change topics or will find a reason to start questioning you about what you have done. He won’t answer your question about why another woman was calling him because he will be too busy asking you about the boss he thinks you have been flirting with.
He purposely does things to annoy you. He will do something big enough to disturb your happiness and inconvenience your day. He will also do small things that you will look ridiculous if you complain about it to your friends. He will know exactly the right way to annoy you without getting in trouble.
He makes you look bad in front of friends. He finds a way to turn every single situation around so that you come across as the crazy one. He will say little things beneath his breath or text you insults and when you snap in front of everyone, it will look like you are the one being unreasonable.
When you are in public, he will act like the best boyfriend in the world. He will be friendly, loving, hilarious and affectionate. That way, whenever you com- plain about him to friends and family, they assume you are over- reacting because they have never seen him in a bad mood.
He makes you fear for your life. He might hold back from hitting you, but he will shatter dishes and smash your television and throw his fist through doors. He will make you feel unsafe, but when you voice that fear, he will roll his eyes and say, “I’ve never touched you” as if that means he isn’t abusive.
He withholds details. He won’t tell you where he’s going or who has been texting him because he knows you wouldn’t like the answer. But technically there was no lying involved since he stayed silent so he feels like he has done nothing wrong.
He acts like you are the abuser. When you finally stand up for yourself, he will act like he can- not believe you are treating him this way after everything he has done to you. When he tells stories to his friends, he will make you the villain. He will twist every- thing to make himself look good. This is what they mean by gas lighting.
He guilt trips you into stay- ing with him. Whenever you decide you have had enough of his bullshit and walk toward the door, he suddenly changes his behavior.
He gets emotional. He cries. He begs you to stay and makes false promises about changing. He even threatens to harm or kill himself if you ever leave him.
RE: HOW TO OVERCOME INSECURITIES IN RELATIONSHIPS
KATE, you have repented form attacking Nigeria men unnecessarily. I am suspecting you want to get married and you are trying to appear like a good girl. We will not buy it. You are a man hater and will always remain one. -Obinna, Aba
Thank you for always dealing with important issues in your column. You don’t know how much you have helped me improve as a young lady. You are a rare gem. Don’t stop writing. We are solidly behind you our queen on the pen. –Gloria, Abuja
Most of the things you talk about are alien to this society. You write as if you are dealing with white people. Come down to our level in Nigeria and stop using white people’s standards for us. We are Africans and we have a way of doing things. Our marriages last longer than that of the white people you are emulating. -Chief Ogbonna, Owerri
Some of the things you labeled insecurities in your column last week are human weaknesses. We shouldn’t seek for perfection in relationships. No human being is perfect but we are striving everyday to be the best. Write more about pressing marriage issues. -Donald Okolie, Onitsha
Instead of you to devote your time to teaching Nigerian ladies who are so proud and arrogant to be respectful and submissive, you are talking about things that don’t concern us. Teach women how to keep their homes because many of them don’t know what it means to have men in their lives. -Azubuike, Lagos
