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I once prepared a pot of soup with N500 and displayed it on my social media handle. I gave the recipe and their prices. I got a lot of accolades for being able to prepare such soup with that amount. Unfortunately, almost all the accolades were tilted towards me being a good ‘wife material’.
It is unfortunate that since the parlance ‘husband/wife material’ found its way into our national lexicon, only mundane things are associated with it. Actions associated with being a husband or wife material are mere scratches on the surface, nothing deep.
People bother themselves for nothing and forget to acknowledge the necessary things about life and relationships. We end up missing the big picture.
That he/she can make a pot of soup with N500 does not make them husband/wife material. Neither does it make him/her any less husband/wife material because they need more than N5, 000 to make a pot of soup.
As humans, we all have weaknesses and strengths. Looking out for one particular thing or allowing your insecurities take a better part of your reasoning, makes you miss out on other amazing qualities a man or woman possesses.
Some things people bother about in relationships are just absolutely unnecessary. What makes a husband/wife material is relative. It’s okay if you know how to make a N500 pot of soup, but it’s not a virtue and something you should boost of and shove down other people’s throat.
If you can afford an expensive pot of soup, go ahead and make it. Don’t allow nobody make you feel bad for spending your money.
When I’m in any environment, be it in the city or village and I am unable to access clean water to take a shower or wash my hair, I use a bag or more of sachet water each time I need to take a shower or wash my hair.
I do this because I have a very delicate skin and it doesn’t matter if any one there thinks or feels otherwise. It is my hair, it is my body, and I choose what to feed it.
Thinking about what people will say would make me the biggest casualty with rashes all over my body, itchy hair and a longer time to heal. The worst part is that I will be at the mercy of doctor’s prescription.
Spending a few hundreds of naira on sachet water than waste thousands treating preventable diseases is a wise decision on my part. I can never be that penny wise, pounds foolish.
It doesn’t matter if every other person on the table is eating rice, spaghetti, chips, chicken, salad etc. I’m not ashamed to order fufu with bitter leaf soup if that is what I feel like eating. I wash my hand, eat it like my life depends on it, and even request for more if I’m not fully gauged.
If I don’t drink sachet water in my house, I will not compromise on that. If I can afford bottle water, I will buy it not just because one human being is testing me or I want to impress anyone.
When you try to fit in, to be like everyone else, to be accepted and feel among, you become who you are not.
So, do not be afraid to stand alone, to be the odd one out.
Don’t be ashamed to be yourself or be more concerned about what people will say at the expense of your own comfort. Guess what? People will always talk and most times, poverty and displaying all its accompanying traits is their only yardstick.
Some people will even serve you food and expect you not to eat more than one piece of meat and if you do, it is a sign that you will not make a good spouse. Mundane things that shouldn’t even cross our minds in the first place are used as yardsticks to test if someone is wife material.
Hear me and hear me well, there’s no universal rule that fits all aspects of human interactions, living your life to impress people at your own detriment is the greatest mistake and disservice you will ever do to yourself. Delilah was already married to Samson before biting him like a Puff Adder.
We are all different and unique in our own ways. We don’t live for others but ourselves. When we live to impress, it’s at our own peril. Forget rigid people, they hardly make good spouses. Look out for flexibility and mental strength in a person instead of paying attention to irrelevant things.
One thing you should bear in mind is ‘You only live once’. Always be yourself so long as you are doing the right thing and you can afford it, the world will eventually understand when they look beyond the surface, if they don’t, it’s their problem. It is better to be safe than sorry.
RE: YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM, HE DIDN’T USE YOU
Amaka, I love your write-up ‘You had sex with him, he didn’t use you’. Thanks.
-Ugwumba Stephen
Your thought on the article of last week was superb. Keep it up.
-08087108. . .
I have always had the feeling I was used once the relationship is over. It’s not a good feeling. Reading your article has given me a better understanding. Thank you.
-Dami, Lagos
