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Has anyone bothered to find out why most middle-aged women run very fast from the Other Room activities, even with their own husbands? Is it proper for one party to the marital covenant to break an aspect of it, for any reason. What most women do not understand in the journey of marriage and other relationships is that once both families have agreed to the union, from that moment the lady wholeheartedly becomes emotionally and spiritually attached to her husband alone till death parts them.
It also becomes the responsibility of the man to love and for his bride, as well as procreate with her. To love and care in a genuine and legal relationship translates into many things because sexual activity is part of love and care. In the layman’s parlance, a married woman has been acquired completely by her husband. So, if this is the scenario, why then do women run away from their sexual responsibilities that should be explored and enjoyed by both the man and the woman? Researchers have conducted different studies which have proved that sexual intimacy is beneficial for the union. Some say it calms the mind, body and makes a woman glow. Others say it fights oxidants that are not good for the body while some strongly believe it gives a woman a very sound sleep. With all these advantages, why then do women give all kinds of excuses to avoid marital sex? Most middle-aged women wear excuses like clothes while complaints abound. If they are not feeling a bit under the weather, they are tired and want to rest or to flash the regular excuse: ‘I am not in the mood’ (which of course kills the appetite of their men. Why do they do this?
Once a woman is above 50, her sexual urge seems to depreciate with body chemistry which differs in women. While men are ready to get hot and heavy with their women, for some women sex is not it at all. I also would not crucify them because a lot goes with health challenges for women, especially with menopausal age for different women. The fall in oestrogen levels can cause painful sex, according to Dr Batur of Health Essentials, and that is one of the reasons some women shy away from sex. Again, some have expressed severe pains during hormonal changes between breastfeeding period and menopausal age which is like a neon sign saying that something is really wrong somewhere. It goes with muscles, and age as some experience natural dryness and other health challenges. The menopausal age is really challenging to different bodies, taste and perception; even though it is a phase, but most middle-aged women experience it differently.
Remarkably, one also would not rule out emotional feelings of the women. You cannot take a woman through an unpleasant experience during the day and then expect her to become a lover in the night hours of the night. She would resist that urge because she would not feel emotionally connected to her man and that lack of connection can be a huge factor to sex denial. It would be interesting to find out the last time a couple had long, heartfelt conversation, a genuine romantic discussion, butterflies-in-the- stomach exchange. If they live more like roommates rather than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing to the woman in this situation.
Erectile dysfunction, infertility and vaginal dryness also drive women away from enjoying sexual relationship with their partners. Worthy of note is the fact that some women who have given birth to grown children without health challenges think they do not need that burden called sex anymore. No madam, please you need it. While some become so religiously fanatical as if having and enjoying sex is a sin. Don’t forget, you own your body, husband and privacy. Some shy away from it so that their children would not have any inkling that such happens in the home; you might think they do not know. Do not deceive yourself; I tell you they are sharper, smarter and more knowledgeable than their parents about these things. A junior student in a Federal Government College told his classmates how he heard some moan- ing and groaning from his parent’s room early in the morning when he was coming out from the rest room. At first, he thought they were fighting and stood by the door to listen, to know the cause of the quarrel. When the moaning continued, the young lad then realised that the parents were having sex. His parents did not know about his unintended discovery, but his school mates knew.
Again, when a couple is dealing with issues like finances, children’s welfare, religious differences, and relatives etc, these are various challenges that can turn down libido. It is also in the same view that most women naively ignore their husbands completely and transfer all the love to their children. Stella Adedamola, a realtor and new excited mother woke up and showered her three-month old son with all loving and pet names; prayed fervently for him, rocked him lovingly and finally called him ‘my world’. Her husband, Tayo, a pharmacist, who saw his visibly excited happy wife asked: why don’t you call me these names and pray for me the way you just did with our son? Stella had no answer but said, you are already grown, this is a new life that needs to be guided spiritually. And that is how it starts; mothers unknowingly pay less attention to their husbands’ needs in the Other Room causes rifts between spouses. Women, please note that from today your husband needs all the love, care and attention that being transferred to the children unknowingly. Do not forget he was the one you saw first before the children.
Now this: I once heard of a grown woman, an ordained Knight of the Catholic Church (addressed as Lady), who asked if she should be having sex, when her own children are married and having sex too? Her priest said yes that she was free to have sex with her husband just like married children. Priest further asked: how do you want your husband to handle his sexual urge? She said he can control himself too. That was when her husband, a Knight of St. Columbus screamed out to the hearing of the priest, “I need my mumu button to be pressed well; if you are tired, don’t bother, I will sort myself outside our matrimonial home.”
Truth be told, starving one partner, especially the man can cause Marital Cold War, which only the victims can explain. A visitor thinks all is well with a couple, but a huge internal strife is boiling under the deceptive calm exterior. At such times, when the woman greets her husband and he responds poorly, both understand the reason. Then again, most women think that good attitude, nice meals, and wonderful moral conduct can take the place of oil-rig exploration. And I say an emphatic no to that because marital sex very important role to play, to sustain the union.
Finally, to the men who complain of be- ing sexually starved, kindly go for a refresh- er course and talk to a therapist. It is not just enough to sit down and complain without seeking for solutions to the problem. Sexual hang ups are more common than one thinks and the need to have an earnest, explanatory conversation with each other about what sex means to you as individuals, and then discuss how to create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. It is important to hear from an expert who might also suggest ways for them to expand their definition of sex. A husband should ask his wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. But then genuine communication heals most wounds and opens vistas for the couple.
