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In the wee hours of the night, a strong, cold breeze blew as if it was determined to pull off the roof. It was then quickly followed by a downpour. The combination of the cold breeze and the heavy rain, made Michael Peters, a banker, want to seek the warm cuddle of his wife lying on the other side of the bed. Rolling over towards Rachel, his wife of five years, Michael reached out with one hand, but felt the thick duvet that covered her. As he tried to pull the duvet off a bit, he noticed that his beautiful Rachel pulled the covering more tightly around her body, signalling that she had no intention to allow the romantic cuddle Micheal wanted at that moment.
Long before the midnight duvet drama, Michael had been canvassing support for the candidacy of Asiwaju Bola Tinubu as would be expected of a Batified man. Meanwhile, his wife was doing her own vote-canvassing as a very Obi-dient Nigerian. At home, they had often engaged in arguments in defence of their political preferences.
The midnight duvet drama, in which Rachel was resolute in resisting Michael’s desire for an amorous cuddle was in her view, an acceptable weapon in the ‘political war’ between them, that could also be fought in the Other Room. Given the weather, Micheal had felt that the environmental temperature was just right for a journey to the moon and back with his wife. But he certainly didn’t reckon with the wife’s strong dislike of his nonsensical support for BAT, and therefore, was hellbent on showing him in no uncertain terms that his conjugal rights had been placd on suspension. Stung by the rejection, Michael shrank back. But anger soon began to build up in him. It was the first time Rachel had firmly rejected his move to make love with her. Rachael kept calm, as she tightly wrapped the duvet around her. Then, Michael switched on the light, to look closely at Rachel. He tried again to remove the duvet by force. Rachel popped out her head from under the duvet with a stern look, sharply saying: “Why are All Progressives Congress (APC) supporters always attacking Labour Party supporters, on social media platforms and even in the bedroom? Just like what they did on Saturday, February 11, at the Tafawa Balewa Square (TBS) in Lagos when APC supporters vandalized the vehicles of Labour Party supporters during their campaign.
Pointing at him, she said further, “Michael, for the first time, you are attacking and trying to rape me for not complying to your request. I will not join you again in the same party, I have moved on.”
Still fuming over her naughty refusal, Michael said: “What rubbish! When did my wife become the campaign director of a different political party? Why should my conjugal right be denied/ Why should my asking for it to be honoured be likened to an attack? I don’t want to hear that word again in this bedroom. When we met as young bankers and started courting, we said our bedroom would be a haven for display of romantic affection and nothing else. What is then happening now? Our individual political campaigns should remain outside this room, we should remain in love like we have always been; yes, we could support different political parties, but that is as far as it goes. Rachael laughed at him mockingly, saying, “Be polite, be the gentleman that I have known you to be, and don’t bring bouts into the home.” With that said, Michael switched off the light and they settled their differences under the duvet.
Like in the case of Michael and Rachel, the issue political party affiliation of spouses, friends and even kith and kin, has always been at the centre of disagreements between people who had one been very close. Consider Mrs. Adelaja, who differs with her only beloved son, Kazeem, over political issues. “Mummy you will not understand, a vote for the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) presidential candidate remains the best choice,” Kazeem said, trying to sell the candidacy of Atiku Abubakar, calling him a unifier. The mother would have none of it, bluntly telling him that she is a close pal of an executive of the APC. Then she acknowledged the shortcomings of the party: “Our leaders have failed us. We have failed even ourselves. Please God do not fail us; show us mercy and give us another chance.”
Clearly, so many homes are experiencing a sad moment in this election season with different views on the various presidential candidates. In such homes, while the man obviously needs to make sure his partner’s belief would not veer into a direction that will cause anyone harm, it is important to be flexible because it is inevitable for people to grow and change, and couples need to be flexible to accommodate the ways their partner changes throughout their relationship. It is important to make it clear that honesty and transparency are priorities in marital relationships, and it goes for both spouses whose views have changed.
Indeed, the present election season has caused pain and quarrel in various homes. Pastor Praise, who was recently ordained as an Assistant Pastor in a Pentecostal church is not smiling at the moment because the political difference is hurting the relationship between him and the wife. He has accused his wife of being manipulated by propaganda and hence her support for another political party against his choice. Pastor Praise noted that in their discussions, his wife integrates more politics to the advantage of her preferred presidential candidate. Moreover, she chats more with her political buddies and projects her favoured candidate on social media. Even when their General Overseer flew a kite on who thought should win the election, his wife flatly rejected that projection.
Flustered, Pastor Praise said: “My wife is not being submissive in the area of political inclination at the moment because of her love for a certain presidential candidate even as a teacher.” He substantiated his claim with a bible quotation that said women should be submissive to their husbands; my wife seems adamant to that phrase. But then, when a couple seems not to agree with one another completely, there are still ways for them to bring their beliefs to the table while demanding mutual respect.
When spouses find out that their political beliefs are interfering with their relationship and making working through issues difficult, then these very pertinent questions should be asked in a cordial and understanding manner. Both can ask each other what values and experiences have led either of them to feel and think in a particular way? What does your position mean to you and what is your ideal dream? If these are answered honestly, there definitely will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
It should be noted that criticism and contempt are toxic to relationships, says Anita Chlipala, a relationship therapist and author of the Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love. If a partner is insistent on his political stand, criticism, censure and condemnation might not be the solution to the problem. The person whose views have changed should be mindful that their partner cannot be expected to suddenly be on the same page with him.
Dear all, kindly note that it may take more than one conversation to resolve the problem. Having brainstorming sessions where all throw out ideas without judgement can help define and determine areas of flexibility and points that overlap, and thereby identify common grounds.
