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Long ago, women were barely seen other than to produce children and serve their husbands as masters. Then came the golden age when it became the mantra to educate a girl child, though some ignorant people continued to posit that women’s education ends in the kitchen. Training the girl child was not just restricted to academics, but included many subjects about life, especially entertainment. Lessons like ‘when a boy touches you will become pregnant’ were drummed into the heads of girls by yesteryear mothers. Girls were strictly warned not to stay out late. Even some sports activities were not meant for women and so on.
All these were done by mothers to keep their daughters away from wayward lifestyles. Yes, those were the parenthesis that guided a girl child while growing up because pregnancy out of wedlock was a serious taboo at the time. It was a shameful act that ridiculed parents till date. Though in some quarters, some parents whose daughters got pregnant before marriage would accept their fate while consoling themselves with the likes of Genevieve Nnaji, a Nollywood ‘A’ list actress who made it in life despite her teenage pregnancy and motherhood journey. Many use her as a reference point forgetting that her parents would have been happier if she was legally married.
However, there is nothing as good as setting the standards like marital celebrations, coming tops in academics and good morals for a girl child. These are the prayers and wishes of every parent, including parents who were wayward in their days.
Now, so many parents are still operating on this frequency of strictness on the girl child. Even with her education, civilization and the new life, while some get it right, some get it wrong. That a lady would go through the hurdles of life and see the light at the end of the tunnel, become accomplished, yet tradition and culture will bind her legs with chains, keeping her from exploring the world like her male counterparts. If she is seen at a restaurant alone or a drinking parlour, she is considered wild and above the men. Seeing her at a nightclub to catch her cruise means she is a mini-prostitute. As a working lady, she is not expected to buy and move into a well-furnished, comfortable apartment simply because she is a girl. She cannot even invest in some properties in highbrow areas.
Recently, I listened to Mrs. Ibukun Awosika, former chairman of First Bank, who shared a story of a female friend of hers who was quite successful, single and smart. This friend, according to Awosika, had a business she set up for herself and became successful in her industry. She was in her 40’s at the time. She could afford to buy a house and actually wanted to buy one. But everybody felt that she should not buy a house while still single. Who will marry you, they asked in disguised rebuke of her noble intention? She went to Lekki and bought a whole building on a major street, moved into it and started living there. While busybody people were derisively asking who would marry her with such a big house, she got married to a man with a bigger house across the road. She then sold her own property and kept the money, as she moved into her husband’s home. This illustration is to proof that time and season belong to God. Let the girls live their lives and continue.
Again, Awosika also shared a story of another female international banker who had a great career in her profession. She said: “Every time there was an opportunity for a foreign posting she would take it and people would say, you do not have children in your marriage, you should stay with your husband so you can get pregnant and have children. She was a bit of a rebel and ignored all the talk. She kept growing in her career and became the Managing Director of a major financial institution. Then she moved into another financial house where she became a key person. It was while she was in the bigger financial institution that she got pregnant and had her children. Now, if she was waiting and staying behind in her career for the children to come, they would still come at the appointed time. But all the time she invested in her career would have been lost by abandoning her career, she could not have caught up because the ship would have sailed. Parents who prevent their children’s growth, know from today that God has not lost sight of His children. He knows our names and addresses. God wrote the script for our lives. The same God is watching out because there is time for everyone. Our neighbour’s time is not our time. Let us learn to follow the clock of our different times and continue to apply the best of us. At HIS time, all things will fall into pleasant places.
Recently, I was involved in a case where a daughter wanted to buy a car for herself, but her parents refused because men would run away from her. I knew the family before they relocated to their own home in Ogun State. Edna (Though not her real name) had graduated and was lucky to have been retained in a major advertising agency, where she had served as a youth corps member. She worked hard to get the accounts of some corporate organizations. Her monthly commission was reasonable enough to get her a decent car, but her parents refused. Edna involved me as a respected Aunty. I reached out to her middle-class parents who insisted she needed to settle down before getting a car. I found that very strange in this day and age. I asked her mother: “Will her life be on hold because she is not married? Why did you send her to school? Did you send her to school to be the same naïve girl after acquiring education? Are you saying she cannot acquire other degrees and cannot go further in life because she is not married? What if her organization promotes her to become the Managing Director? She would turn the appointment down because she is not married? So she cannot even sponsor her holiday trip outside the country because she is not married? So, when will she enjoy her life?
Unfortunately, the same cultural discrepancies follow some women into some marriages. Life challenges and issues could deprive women their enjoyment while married. Illnesses, raising children, poor fundings are some challenges that can throw a woman off balance. So many women’s careers have been put on hold due to challenges and insecure men. Some men had clipped the wings of their women, preventing them from flying. Having and raising children takes a toll on women. As age begins to set in, strength would also leave her. So when will a woman enjoy her life?
Mrs. Tina Obiadigwe is my foodstuff plug in the market. Her uncle brought her to Lagos after her secondary education and secured a job for her at the Federal Ministry of Statistics. One year into her job, husband came calling and she responded positively. Second year into her job and marriage, she experienced miscarriage. The husband used that unfortunate experience to make her stop working. Families intervened and Tina left her job while her mates gained admission and started school while on the job. She confided that whenever she sees her mates in the market, she hides under the table.
The stereotypes also hamstring women. While the men flex and wax strong, the woman is judged. So, when will she be able to enjoy her life? Not as a single lady, not even as a married woman. So when?
To all readers, please know that a woman can start to enjoy her freedom and money responsibly at any time in her life, especially when she has her own income, feels safe, and makes her own choices. There is no single correct age or milestone for this. Let the women breathe!
