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• Widows recount ordeals as world marks International Widows Day
• We’ll not relent in supporting them –NGOs
By Kehinde Aderemi
June 23 is set aside globally as International Widows Day. On that day this week, they gathered in Ikeja, Lagos in their numbers.
They came from different parts of the country – Ogun, Ondo, Oyo, Osun, Ekiti, Anambra, and Imo, among others. Although many of them had a number of issues to contend with, they appeared in different attires, with the joy of coming together written on their faces.
But beneath the glamour were stories of agony, pain and fresh memories of struggle and survival, and in some cases, the sudden poverty that heralded the loss of their husbands and breadwinners.
In Nigeria, recognition of Widows Day rarely translates to relief. More than 30 million women live as widows and face the challenges of survival daily, all alone.
For Madam Fadiya Majekodunmi, the loss of her husband came as a rude shock because it came just a year after she lost her father. According to her, April 30, 2014 was a sad day because that was the day she lost her beloved husband, the late Murtala Alabi Majekodunmi who she described as her hero who’s care and guidance she would always miss.
“It is not good to be a widow at a younger age, especially when you have a husband that was so caring and dedicated to the family. It was very tough, but I was able to cope because God has been my helper. It was grace that has kept me going.
“In all of my years of loneliness and depression, I have learnt a lesson that as a widow, you should depend on God and nobody else,” she said.
Mrs. Victoria Ogunkoya became a widow in 2014. She explained the pain and the agonies she was faced with resulting from the death of her husband. Ogunkoya said her world crumbled the day she lost her husband because the late Ogunkoya was the pillar of support to the family.
According to her, her late husband worked as a senior driver at MTN. He was later retired due to his age, but without any pension. That, she said, became a major concern; it eventually took a toll on his health and unfortunately he died.
“I operated a provision store but shortly after, the business folded up because it was the only means of livelihood for the family and it was not enough to cater to our needs.
“So, when my husband died, I faced it all alone with my children that were still growing up. It was very difficult but I got a little respite four years ago when I joined the Goldcrest Family Centre and I have since been rescued from poverty and lack.
“The lesson I learnt from the death of my husband was that women should be independent. They should work to assist their husband and complement the efforts of men because God created both men and women to support each other,” she said.
Madam Rita Asomogha lost her husband more than 20 years ago, but she said her late husband would continue to be her hero, even in death.
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“I will always miss him because he was more than just a father to my children. He was our role model and he taught us love, commitment and dedication to God. And today, we are all happy that though it was tough, God helped us through during those challenging periods,” she admitted.
Mrs. Edith Ofili, a retired teacher lost her husband in 2016. Narrating her experiences, the mother of five explained how much she had missed her husband, who she described as a very dedicated man.
“By September, it will be exactly ten years that I lost my husband. It was such a sad experience to lose such a passionate and dedicated man but I thank God that I was able to cope.
“My late husband was a former staff of NITEL in Lagos. He was very passionate about education and he was also dedicated to God. He wanted all his children to be educated and to the glory of God, all my five children are graduates.
“My late husband was our prayer warrior. He was always available for us. So, when he died we continued from where he left us. Though it was difficult playing the dual roles of a father and mother at the same time, I thank God I was able to cope because I have my job as a teacher.
“My advice for women is that at no time should a woman be idle. If a woman is idle and she lost her husband, there would always be problem. But if she was engaged before the loss of her husband, the challenges will be minimal and she will be able to cope,” she advised.
For 75-year-old Madam Beauty Ebiyebi, the death of her husband was a great loss because she was still young when her husband died. The Bayelsa State-born woman said the loss would continue to linger in her memories.
“I have been struggling since I lost my husband. It was difficult to cater to the needs of my eight children, but I thank God that our mother, Mrs. Agatha Chukwura, has been supporting us through Goldcrest Family Centre,” she said.
The story of Mrs. Remilekun Johnson was not an exception. The Ondo State-born widow said she was abandoned by the family of her late husband and she has continued her life of struggle since 2015 when she lost her husband.
“It was tough because my husband was diagnosed with diabetes. And it was very difficult for me to take care of my children. Being a widow is tough, full of adversity and stigma, particularly when you have in-laws that are not too considerate.
“The death of my husband taught me how to be independent because relying too much on the husband is the greatest mistake a woman can do.
“So, I advise all women out there that they should be independent. Wives should make sure they have something doing. It doesn’t make sense to be a full housewife. And as we all know, the situation in the country is not for a lazy woman,” she said.
For Christiana Ajibode, Deborah Kolawole and a few others who shared their experiences with Saturday Sun the pain, the loneliness and the reality of being a widow is not the end of one’s life. It is always a period of agony, pain, introspection and self discovery.
According to them, it is only through grace and divine intervention that a widow can survive the trying period that comes with the death of one’s husband. But in spite of their agonies, there are Non Governmental Organisations in Nigeria that cater to the needs of the widows. Goldcrest Family Centre and Richard Akinnola Foundation touch the lives of the widows in different ways.
For instance, President of the Goldcrest Family Centre, Reverend Agatha Chukwura said that being a widow is never a death sentence. She explained the role of her organisation in ensuring that the widows live meaningful lives.
According to her, GCFC has been at the vanguard of empowering over 50,000 widows in the last 23 years, and many of them have benefited from the various empowerment programmes embarked on by the organisation.
“This is our own little way of impacting the lives of the widows and the vulnerable children in our society. Through our various empowerment programmes, we have been able to change their stories and they are doing well in their various endeavours,” she told Saturday Sun.
The Richard Akinnola Foundation (RAF) has also impacted the lives of widows across the country. Akinnola, a journalist, author and activist established the Foundation about 16 years ago to cater to the needs of the widows of journalists and activists in the country.
His determination and efforts to restore the dignity and relive the hope of widows has significantly impacted many who have also benefited from the gesture.
“RAF Foundation has always been there for widows of our fallen heroes –the journalists and activists who have done well and also contributed to the growth and development of our country. And I feel fulfilled that in the last 16 years, we have been doing our best to put smiles on the faces of the widows, meeting them at the points of their needs and God willing, we shall continue to support them,” he assured.
