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In relationships, you learn someone’s true colors when life is out of the ordinary. It’s easy for some people to behave well when they aren’t stressed about money, aren’t fearing for their health, and aren’t feeling totally bored and restless. It’s the tough times that show you who somebody is and a lot of couples are seeing a lot of that right now.
This COVID-19 outbreak has taught some people things about others they didn’t know before. People they have known for years are revealing their true colours at this trying times.
There are certain people who are not wealthy but are making tremendous efforts to help vulnerable people as well as people with special needs who find it difficult to live normal lives right now.
Before this, some of these humans didn’t have the opportunity to reveal the stuff they are made of but regular life didn’t give them a chance to show this side of themselves, and what a beautiful side it is.
When it comes to relationships and marriages, whatever good qualities you find in your partner will be tested right now. Patience, generosity, positivity, kindness, courage, strength, bravery and so on. It’s time for those qualities to shine now.
This is also the time that domestic violence and abuse of women and children will spike because some of these victims have no other choice but to stay cooked up at home with their abusers. These are scary times also for children because some of them will be sexually abused by predators who won’t waste time to utilize this iso- lation opportunity.
This period means longer bouts of unemployment. It means longer bouts of isolation. It means extended periods of worry and sleepless nights. If you and your partner haven’t been through something tough together before, you’re about to learn a lot about one another. You will come out of this stronger, maybe weaker, but one way or another, you will come out of this period different.
Whether you are married, single or engaged, you will learn new things about your partner during this quarantine period. Some may be good, others may leave you shocked, angry or sad. Whatever the case may be, here are some things you will find out about your partner at this time.
In times like this, if your partner has more than he or she needs, does he or she share? Is he or she looking for opportunities to donate? Is he or she trying to help those who cannot help themselves? Or, is he or she just worried about himself or herself, hoarding their resources, and looking out for themselves only?
Everybody’s patience is being tested right now. People are waiting in long lines just to go shopping for provisions and food at supermarkets. Those who are working via Zoom or other online platforms or having to learn how to use new software and deal with connectivity issues. You will both be sharing space more than usual and resources like the bathroom or the TV. Is your partner patient or do they become irritable with impatience?
Is your partner generally considerate? You will be together a lot now, and really need to be aware of one another’s needs and moods. There will also be chances to show consideration to others, like allowing those who aren’t as strong to take your place in line at the store or have your neighbor get some of the foodstuffs you bought at highly inflated prices. How does your partner respond in these situations?
It’s time to be frugal but unfortunately, some men and women don’t know the meaning of that word. It is however important for people to spend money on important things rather than on frivolities because the unemployment rate will rise after this pandemic. You may lose your job or business when this is all over.
Can you trust your partner to be frugal during this quarantine? How is your partner doing with letting certain luxuries go? How is he or she doing on a budget? Even without a pandemic, there will be other times in your life when your partner will need to be frugal, and now you will see how he or she does with that.
Can your partner plan when he or she is stressed? People are stressed right now, but people also need to make plans. Will you stay in the big city if that’s where you are? Who will take on what task? How will you both make more money to keep body and soul together. There are high stakes decisions that need to be made right now and under stress. How is your partner coping with the situation? Is he or she irritable and cranky?
You will also find out at this time whether your partner has a contingency plan or not. Maybe your partner will surprise you. Maybe he or she has a secret savings account or a plan to make more money by making and selling products people need at this time. Some people already had plans in place in case something just like this happened. Is your partner one of them?
You will find out if your partner is community oriented while in quarantine. People either tend to come together right now, or retreat. Is your partner community-oriented? Is he or she looking for ways to get involved, to help your neighbors, to spread the word about good causes? Or is he or she just hiding away until this whole thing blows over?
This is the right time for couples to be creative with what they have and how they are going to live well until they pull through this period. Couples can’t go to the movies or bars or even over to a friend’s house or visit family members un- til the coast is clear of COVID-19. If you and your partner want to have children in the future, this is a good chance to find out if he or she can find creative ways to have fun at home. If you are married with children, you will clearly discover if your spouse is good and creative with the children or if they feel disconnected or lost having to be with the children and keep them occupied.
You will both have days when your spirits are low. A good couple can lift one another up. They can give energy when the other is low on it. How does your partner do with that? How do you two do together? When he is down, and you are up, can you lift him up? When you feel so frustrated and lost, can your partner offer you the strength you need yo move on or do they leave you all alone?
Being resourceful will come in handy in so many ways right now. Whether it’s thinking of services and things to barter to get by or finding creative ways to use the few food stuffs in the fridge, you will find out how resourceful your partner can be.
Hopefully, you have a lot to be grateful for. A little savings. A roof over your head. Friends who care about you. A working car. Your health. Your marriage. Your children. Is your partner focusing on gratitude? Or is he or she focusing on what they don’t have right now, and the things they wish they could be doing, but aren’t doing because they have to stay home?
We all have to reach deep inside ourselves to remain positive right now. Nobody has answers to the many questions that trouble our hearts night and day. We have no idea how long this will go on for. Nothing in life is ever certain, but it feels less certain than ever. Is your partner able to remain positive throughout this? Naturally, that will waver, but can your partner mostly remain hopeful? Can your partner offer you rest and succour or do they drain you and rob you of peace?
Nobody is going to do well at this time if they are high maintenance, so how is your partner doing? Having things exactly the way he or she wants will be off the table. Is your partner able to maintain a good attitude without having things the way they usually have them? Or will your partner lose their cool because you won’t let him or her order their favourite because it’s too expensive and not safe health wise right now?
Flexibility is a must right now. People have to adapt. It seems like every single task requires a new thing now—an additional step. Getting through a day comes with more obstacles now. Can your partner adapt to change? Or does he or she stubbornly throw a fit?
Do you really like each other? This is a big one! You may be spending more time together than ever. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but will you discover that distance was the only thing making you two like each other, and now that you don’t have the time to stay apart, you can’t stand each other? Or, maybe you actually rather like all this time together.
Re: What you should do if your spouse’s siblings don’t like you
Many marriages all over the globe have disintegrated and torn apart due to one person’s inability to handle their siblings dislike for their partner. Siblings and relations need to realize that once their brother or sister get married, they are now a unique and separate entity from the family and should be left in peace to build their own family on their own perspective.
I hope your readers will abide by your wise words and leave their siblings spouses alone in peace to reduce the rate of marriage break ups.
-Pst. Stephen, Abuja
You are not married yet you think you are the best person to advice married people? You should focus on teaching single ladies like you how to be humble and position themselves well for men to locate them and marry them. You are not knowledgeable in this subject, so stop trying so hard to dumb your theatrics on us. You are boring and bland. Stop writing. You have nothing tangible to offer your readers
-Ikechukwu Ifedika,Lagos
Kate, you are doing well. I enjoyed your article. It was well written and balanced unlike your normal attacks on men that make you sound frustrated. I’m glad you listen to us your readers. You are going places. I hope spouses siblings learn from your educative write up and leave their marriages alone. You don’t have to like your brother or sister’s spouse but you have to respect them because of your sibling.
-Gbenga Ogunbamowo, Abuja
Kate, you should stop teaching women how to be arrogant and stubborn. Any woman who marries a man has married his whole family and she should endure whatever treatment they give her. In most cases, these women just want the man all to themselves as if they didn’t come from a family. This is not possible. Women should stop being selfish with their husbands and stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. If your husband’s sibling or siblings don’t like you, you must have done something wrong to them. Women should learn from their mothers on how to cope with those kind of situation and stop importing behavior from the western world.
-Henry Igwe,Awka
