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Politics Nigeriana is a strange game. You must have a strange mind to think that this game is some fun sport. You really must have a strange sense of appreciation to see swimming with sharks as a game. At best, politics Nigeriana is a dangerous trade!
Early days yet, but you’d like this little digression. I’m writing this piece at No. 1, Akpakan Crescent, Ekpene Ukim -the Uruan Local Government Area village- that empties into the Victor Attah International Airport, Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. It is the house I called home for many years when I left my parents in Cameroon in the wee 1990s to return to Nigeria for tertiary education. I am here with Mummy Helen, first son, Akan, Kokoette (second son), Otobong (third) and Nsisong (fourth) as well as only daughter, Enobong, who are all home together for the first time in decades because of the funeral of their dad -my other father- a retired Principal of School, Chief Effiong Okon Akpan, aka O’bily, aged 80. The event went excellently well.
As we bask in that euphoria, I spot Uncle Afon -one of my dad’s only two surviving brothers. We halfwalk up to each other, to exchange greetings. I am locked in a hug with him. Then, he shocks me.
There’s a message, he tells me, that my late dad gave him to give me. My dad has been gone nearly two years, so why is this message coming now? Plus, Uncle Afon in our eyes has never been too well -like that. Lesson: never underrate anyone.
Uncle Afon begins to talk. During the 10-minute conversation, or quasi-monologue, I had to look up and straight into his face every other minute; just to be sure he was the one talking. He mentioned some family things I cannot share. Or you -do you discuss your family secrets with me?
There are two matters though, I think you should know -for laughs. Uncle Afon told me my dad wanted him to remind me I am a field marshal. That is, he had initiated me a long time ago into the highest traditional something in my village. Only the best and the cleanest who could afford it ever got accepted in there.
I love the thought of that, but the thing is why didn’t my dad tell me all those years? No matter, in spite of my church preferences, now that I am fully in politics, I need the bragging rights and mystery that the traditional warlordship confers. I wish I had known all these years I was an Otuekong -Akwa Ibom for Field Marshal- no politician would have messed with me and got away with it. But, seriously, why is Africa like this?
Also, Uncle Afon spoke about the Obioku Royal Family headship being the turn of our house and how my dad said it must fall to me. Don’t I just love this continent? Like play, like play, I am becoming not just a politician but also a family head. Sssh, don’t cry for me, my dear: I am going to support the motion for the incumbent to reign forever!
About time we got back to winning ways. I am writing about politics again this week because sitting here where I lived when I first came back to the country in 1990, I remember all the political running around one did at that time. I remember Hon. Sunday Umoren (Akpan Akpe) who would subsequently become councillor (SDP) for Southern Uruan Ward V, providing young men like me monumental fundamental political mentoring. He taught us so well that in just my second year, he helped me to break the record; becoming the first-ever non-year three or older student to win campus election as president.
My time in charge of National Association of Uruan Students (NAUS) was eventful -a story for another day. My tenure inspired others, especially from my village and local government area, curing their timidity in the process. I was inspired myself to aim higher. I ran for Student Union Government president twice which, again, is a story for another day.
You know, the 2023 elections have come but they have neither gone nor would they go away anytime soon. Apart from the concomitant or trademark court cases occasioned by either greed or injustice or both, those who know cannot forget the just concluded ballot in a hurry. One, we confirmed that Nigerian politicians are long-term plotters. In at least one state in the deep south, the opposition and members of own party had to team up to stop someone running for Senate for fear that the person would run for governor in 2031!
Please, stop, that’s not how you read what I just told you. You read that by slow motion, my friend. I am saying that people of one party recruited the opposition to support them to stop their own senatorial standard-bearer in 2023 so that the man won’t be in pole position in 2031 when governorship returns to the zone. They don’t even consider the fact that they may not be alive in 2027, let alone in 2031.
Two, somewhere also, we confirmed that cutting the nose to spite the face is really a Nigerian political way of life. People worked against their political party because they were desperate for the state chairman, a humble, hardworking team player, to have a bad name. If they stopped him from delivering his unit or ward or LGA or state, they would use that as ammunition during his second term election. These people work for Satan.
They deploy this stratagem as well against people they perceive would be favoured by the system. For example, if they know someone in their party would soon gain political traction, they empower the opposition with money, security, etc, to create trouble for such a one. They don’t mind if their party loses in that electoral unit or ward or LGA or state or even nation. In politics Nigeriana, if it is not them, it must be them.
Three, the 2023 polls in Nigeria confirmed that hypocrisy is the way to go. Politicians mess all they can but keep a straight face complete with a little smile all the time. To show they are better politicians than others, they accuse others of the exact same anti-party mess. They go to every length to report the innocent while they themselves are busy committing the abomination.
They can make a saint a sinner, those guys. Just how do they do it? How do politicians extract belief from just about anyone? How are the masses able to look the other way after knowing full well that this or that politician is lying?
They paint pictures which don’t exist. They call people names which are a far cry. The challenge here is that everyone either believes them or laughs it off, as if it is nothing. The worse challenge is that, emboldened by this societal nonchalance, these scoundrels continue to have a field day, sparing no one.
Four, another confirmation thrown up by the last elections is that some opponents stick closer than co-members of one party. A friend can stick closer than a brother. You catch my drift: you can be helped by the opposition while your co-member(s) work(s) to destroy you. I hereby propose that since parties now suffer too much of what I call intra-crises, the term -opposition- should be deleted or suspended from the lexicon of politics Nigeriana.
Five, and this shall be the last for today, the 2023 vote also confirmed most importantly that man is not God and God is not man. People who crossed their legs waiting to see others down and out found out to their chagrin that they only have elementary powers. That the ultimate authority to decide who gets what and how and when is not the exclusive preserve of any human being, dead or alive. Never forget that, dear political god, you are not God.
God bless Nigeria!
