Stop being angry with yourself

Penultimate Saturday, His Royal Highness, Otuekong Peter Jerome Efiong, Clan Head of Northern Uruan, in Uruan local government area of Akwa Ibom State, and former registrar of my great alma mater, the University of Uyo, turned 80. His two daughters, Imaobong, a lawyer, and Unyime, who resides in Canada, packaged a beautiful event to celebrate the teacher-cum-administrator. Being family, I had gone to wish daddy well that morning, as well as later shown up at the event for which I appreciate the role played by Mrs. Becky Asindi. However, the icing on the cake for me was my after-party private visit to the brilliant icon two days after the celebration.

I was accompanied by my Lagos-based brother Dan Chris Ebie of Nollywood, who although from Ikono local government area of the state is daddy’s son also. It was an early morning visit, the kind you should undertake anytime you want it impactful, result-oriented and quick. I set the tone by again wishing him a smashing 80th birthday and thanking him for his exemplary life. In particular, I discussed the leadership he has provided (from the past when he served first as a classroom teacher and later as an administrator and now, even transcending the jurisdiction of his traditional stool) not forgetting the value he has added just by the quality of his lifestyle.

He is a great listener, Daddy P.J., the kind of man you should spend time with, if you are really in dire need of a pair of listening ears or if you are someone who just likes the sound of their own voice. He kept his eyes and his ears on me, the five minutes I spoke. When I rounded off appreciating him for the lessons he has taught people like me (with two daughters like him) the way he has groomed those two super-intelligent loving sisters, his eyes sparkled.

I knew he wanted to respond, so I told him I was done. He wasted no time, his intellect as sharp as a razor blade. He told me I made him emotional. He subsequently narrated the story of his life, the death of his wife, the mother of both ladies, and why the three of them are so close. He recalled an incident when Unyime, the second daughter, was barely nine and someone from his workplace had sneaked home to lie to her.

He told Dan Chris Ebie and me that he had just got home from work when 9-year-old Unyime pointed him to a seat; that she needed to have a word with him. Nine years old! Dan Chris Ebie and I exchanged mischievous glances and managed in the process to suppress a gathering laughter since we have come to know Unyime and her elder sister, Imaobong, as chips off the old block. Unyime, daddy recounted, went on to wonder why the dad would treat any other human being the way someone from his workplace had come to tell her.

Daddy said he listened to her, intently, from start to finish. When she finished, he simply told her the man had lied. He then proceeded to narrate in whole what had transpired. At the end, the 9-year-old said, “Daddy, I believe you; I knew there was no way you could have treated any human being that way!”

Daddy P.J. confessed that he immediately became quite angry. He could not understand why a grown-up man would sneak into his home to lie to his 9-year-old child against him. He was visibly angry. Suddenly, Daddy added, the precocious “judge” began to reel in laughter.

Perplexed, daddy now queried what was so funny. Unyime, the 9-year-old, said it is daddy being annoyed with himself even after she had maintained that she believed him. Daddy recalled that those words from a child ministered to him profoundly. So, he concluded that part of his speech with the fact that up until 80 he has lived never being annoyed with himself.

It’s been nearly a week since, yet Dan Chris Ebie and I have not got over that one of many takeaways from that session with the octogenarian who looks sixtyish. It is useless to allow yourself to be angry with yourself, especially in the absence of the person causing the anger. Many thanks, 9-year-old Unyime. Such evergreen wisdom.

Did someone do or say or write something malicious about you? Did someone renege on a deal? Did someone outsmart you? Did someone touch you where they never should have?

Have you been called a cheat? Have you been made to look like a fool? Have you been slanted as a thief? Have you been ridiculed by an intentional serial pretender who seems to carry on in ignorance?

Has anyone ever abused your parent(s) or children or siblings or spouse or siblings so badly your heart has been boiling? Has a frenemy ever insulted your sensibility such that you want their head on a platter? Has any news frustrated you so much you have been annoyed with yourself since? Above all, has any action or inaction of yours made you so angry with yourself?

I am here rehashing the advice by my sister, Ms. Unyime Efiong, to Daddy P. J. when she was just 9 years of age. Being angry with yourself, or with anyone for that matter, is like chewing poison hoping for another person to die. Being annoyed with yourself can steal your joy, can kill your drive, can destroy you. Flee from anger that boils in your heart.

It can make you depressed or hateful or sick. It can affect your capacity or concentration or productivity or usefulness or verve. Being annoyed with yourself can be terminally counterproductive. Being angry with yourself can cause terminal illness, even fast-forwarded death.

The truth is that people are almost always going to treat you unfairly. People shall almost always take advantage of you. It is up to you not to hurt or lose yourself plus. Never ever allow even remnants of anger to linger on in your mind.

It can hurt your soul beyond comprehension. Beware, the thing can extinguish the fire of your life beyond imagination. Never shorten your life or the quality thereof by being madly incensed with yourself, no matter the circumstance or situation or person concerned. An anger-free life is the visa-filled passport to longevity, to a joyful life and to a disease-free existence.

God bless Nigeria!

2024: With just 15 days to go (3)

… continued from last Monday

Dear Father, thank you again and again and again for 2024. At this point, with less than 48 hours to sign it off, the year is still not tired of emitting or transmitting goodness. What a year! Thank You, Jesus!

Two more slides and we let it be. Two, Rt. Hon. FA and family; QMM; Rt Hon. (Barr.) UA and wife MaryJane; Hon. UIA; Mr. and Mrs. HE; Obong FI; Pastor AA; Mr CO and wife, Dr Atim; Dr and Mrs. DIU; Double Prof. Three, Mr and Mrs. NU; Rt Hon. and Mrs. HIU; Whito; UE and wife and their two girls; UfanBUSH, NRE and DRE and their families; Arc. AMD and family; PS CI and family; Rt Hon. (Barr.) OL and family; Mr TE and family, Mr SG and wife; Dr EU and family et al. May God bless, keep and reward and uphold you all!

… concluded