Signs you have fallen out of sync with your spouse

It’s unrealistic to expect that you and your partner will feel connected every day for your entire lives. Life is full of ups and downs and this also affects relationships.

You have separate lives, outside this relationship, in addition to the life you share together, so when you come together at the end of the day, you aren’t always in the same mood.  At various points in life, one or both of you could go through something that is so all-consuming that you couldn’t possibly feel like you were on the same page with your partner, best friend, or anybody. That is to be expected.

When you have a strong bond with somebody, it’s a gift that makes you feel like, no matter what happens, you will never feel alone. No matter what is happening in your life, it’s a good life because you have your partner through it all.

Keeping that bond doesn’t just happen, though. If you aren’t careful, it can slip away. One day of feeling disconnected may turn into a week which turns into a month which turns into a year. Suddenly you just don’t know how you will ever find your way back to each other.

The truth is that, you have to make the effort regularly to fine-tune and maintain that bond or it can slip away and you will feel out of sync with your partner. If you find ways to handle this phase of your relationship, you won’t find yourselves feeling totally disconnected.

Here are some signs you and your partner are out of sync:

You are energized when he or she is tired

When you finish your day so excited to talk, tell him or her everything, and have some fun, they are just not there with you. You almost feel like a little kid annoying the adult in the room because you are trying to crack jokes and liven things up but your partner is giving you almost nothing, and looks totally exhausted.

You want to cuddle but your partner wants to be alone

You are desperately in the mood to cuddle but your partner really doesn’t feel like being touched. When you feel those bonding hormones flowing from you to him or her, it doesn’t seem that he or she is feeling them too. Or, on the flipside, when your partner is in the mood to cuddle, you want nothing to do with human contact.

You are never turned on at the same time

You are never horny at the same time. If you do have sex, it’s because one of you is taking one for the team and just being a good sport. But it’s been a while since you both overwhelming wanted each other at the same time. You know the feeling—it only happens when you have been emotionally in sync leading up to the sex.

You want to hang, your partner wants isolation

When you are feeling social—when you want to go to that party you two have been invited to or meet those friends for drinks but your partner is feeling antisocial. He or she doesn’t want to see humans, and you really want to be out and about. You never feel this way on the same day, so you either go out alone, or you stay in, wishing you were out.

You aren’t happy for each other’s good news

When your man has good news, you should feel happy for him. You should even feel like you have good news! When you are connected to somebody, his good news is your good news. But you haven’t been feeling that way. If you have had a rough day, his good news cannot cheer you up. And the same thing happens when a woman has good news but her partner is not up for it.

You don’t want to do the same activities

You both are never in the mood to do the same thing. You can’t agree on a restaurant, a movie, or anything. It may seem meaningless, but when you are in sync, you are more likely to be in the mood for the same activities. Not all of the time but at least most of the time. When you feel connected, you share similar moods, and that naturally leads to craving similar activities.

You find yourself editing yourself

You find yourself thinking a lot before you speak to your partner. That’s important to do in most areas of life, but your relationship should be the one place you can speak with no filter. But still, you find yourself thinking twice before saying something, or choosing your words carefully, for fear your partner will misunderstand you.

You feel lonely

You feel lonely, overall. If you think back to a time when you two were certainly in sync, you never felt lonely. You knew at any moment, you could pick up the phone and call your partner, or wander into whichever room of the house he or she was in, and feel an instant connection. You always knew that was available to you, but now, you don’t.