‘She is physically abusive to me’

Dear readers, 

My wife is physically abusive towards me and I am tired of the situation. I love her so much, but she slaps me, kicks me and locks me out for every little argument. I feel humiliated and angry. I don’t want to hurt her, but I know I am reaching my boiling point. Please help me.

ANTHONY

Dear Anthony,
Thanks for your mail. Domestic violence against males though not as common still exists and must be taken seriously. Your wife is both physically abusive as she is emotionally abusive. She locks you out of the house to exercise power over you. If you were to react physically to her abuse, I am sure you will overpower her, but you don’t because you are a gentleman. I appreciate your patience with her. You do not want to make a bad situation worse by putting your hands on her. If you do, she might call the cops and you will be arrested. You do not want that on your record.

Domestic abuse is more than just hitting, pushing and shoving your partner, and other physical attacks. It’s a pattern of behavior that aims to control the other person. The goal always is to get and keep power over an intimate partner.

In your case, you may not realize you’re in an abusive relationship. And your wife may not realize that she is an abuser.  Abuse can happen to anyone, anywhere. It happens to married or unmarried couples. Abusers and their partners can be rich or poor, and come from any race and ethnicity. Men can abuse women. Women can abuse men.

You may think the troubles in your relationship are no big deal.

Your partner slaps you only during huge fights. Or insults you only after a bad day at work, all of that counts as domestic abuse. And chances are it will only get worse as time passes.

Domestic abuse is any behavior that scares, intimidates, humiliates, isolates, and controls another person.

So, you may need to move out of the home first. Then find a counselor in your area to help you deal with the psychological trauma that you might be dealing with. I do not want you to feel less of a man. You are very much a man, just a victim of domestic violence. You can break the cycle by standing up for yourself.

Good luck,

Dr. Nj