Please, marry a rich man

For a lady who is searching for a man, either for keeps, the fun of it or to have a long or short relationship through childbirth, the best and only man to marry should be a rich man. For the best of reasons, a rich man will always make a woman smile. There are no two ways about this because that ‘richness’ is where happiness, peace and love in a relationship lie.

Sadly, when women are advised to marry rich men, the little minds of some men only think about wealth, comfort and raw cash as if that is the only solution to happiness. Money is good but some moneybags who live in hell will say otherwise. With this analogy, mere hearing women marry rich men, some men simply disqualify themselves out of the game because of their complex, lack of confidence and poor character. Next is to begin to argue why a woman should not look at a rich man. The question is: who is a rich man?

Interestingly, people hold different views as to who a rich man is. A man who has a high income or spending power that supports a lifestyle above norm with emphasis on cash flow, consumption, and visible standard of living is acknowledged to be a rich man by some people. For some others, including myself, those men who possess deep moral and personal values such as honesty, compassion, integrity, humility, and generosity, rather than just material wealth, are rich.

There are people who do not have a lot of money but they are smart, very well educated, socially graceful, adventurous and curious to learn and know more. Some are culturally and intellectually wealthy beyond most people’s imagination. They are all rich in every circumstance. Doing what is right even when no one is watching and keeping to one’s word are great signs of a rich man. Men who care genuinely for the well-being of others without expecting any reward are rich men.

A man’s true wealth is not only in his wallet, but in his character. Apart from money, there are a lot of factors that make a man rich. A man who is rich in humour, kindness, love, strength, patience, discipline is very rich. He can keep a home. Not all men are wealthy, yet most of them are married, with or without material wealth. How rich a man is remains part of the reason he is enjoying his marriage or otherwise. 

In a neighborhood where I previously lived, the sound of loud laughter coming from the flat of the Nelson’s at 2.00am was a sign that the couple had a healthy relationship. From the grapevine, it was told that the Nelson’s met as young school lovers who stayed together and eventually tied the nuptial knot. They were always happy with themselves, either sharing a joke, going down memory lane or watching a funny movie together. Their full-throated laughter would pierce the stillness of the night and be heard by their neighbours. A neighbour once asked Mrs. Nelson why they disturb other people’s sleep in the wee hours of the night with their laughter. Mrs Nelson said her husband would always remind her how the slender, long-neck, no-nonsense lady was on the campus back then, when he was asking her out. How she would outrightly shun him with words like: “Please I am going to read. Do you think I came to school to loaf around?” After three children, he still uses that comment to tease her. This humorous aspect of life with basic money can sustain the entire marriage, making it stronger than the cash-cows marital setups of this world without character.

There are men who do not smile, not to talk of laughing with their wives. I recall a former colleague who shared on her FaceBook page saying, “Men, who smile at girls at Customer Service in the banks, go home and smile at your wives.” Online netizens swung on her like bees to mind her business. Some asked if smiling was a crime; were they smiling at you or do you want those men to smile at you? In one circle that had only women on the table,  someone raised the issue of husbands not smiling with their women. Mariam said when she argues with her husband to the extent of switching off, her husband Michael would come throwing some fake dance steps before me without apologizing. I would just burst into laughter because my husband does not have good dancing skills at all. But he knows how to make me laugh and forget the past. Michael is a rich man.

A kind man is a rich man. There are men who are unnecessarily high handed in nature. Some are ‘popular jingo’ who are the best ever givers outside their homes. They are at their best when they are with strangers. They make freewill donations, entertain others and catch their cruise. But in their homes, they are the roaring lions. Their children would see them and hide. The wife would not be comfortable until he is settled. Such men are not rich at all, no matter how much cash they possess.

At a recent family meeting, a man raised an issue to know why some widows look robust after the death of their husbands. Another lady responded that when some women are delivered from the clutches of a high-handed husband, when they are liberated from bondage associated with marriage, when they see a true picture of what a marriage should be, they will change and look robust and beautiful. Now, a story was told of a widow whose husband was unnecessarily haughty and cried out her heart while her husband was alive. Moving on in life, she met a man that took her in and pampered her with love. She confessed to a friend: “Do you know that my man feeds me in my mouth?” Now, doing what is right even when no one is watching and keeping to one’s word are great signs of a rich man. What about caring genuinely for the well-being of others and showing kindness without expecting a reward, and listening without judgment are signs of rich quality.

In the same vein, remaining grounded and respectful despite multiple achievements or strengths are other great signs of a rich man.

Remarkably, men who handle failures, hardship and pressure with grace, learning from their mistakes, ready to make amendments will always make happy homes. Such qualities are attractive to others. Men, who take absolute responsibility for their actions, fix their mistakes instead of blaming others, are rich.  In a recent interview, the former Vice Chancellor of a federal university in the South-south, said: “When I was the VC, I took the lead, not because I did not have qualified hands, but because if anything went wrong, the VC would have failed.” Rich men also share their time, support, wisdom, or resources which help to lift others up.

Again, it is no longer hidden that some men are not kind with words, right attitude and character. Such men are not rich in every ramification and they cannot make good homes. Such men claim rights and argue without facts. A rich man’s attitude will always sell him out.   This piece is also to let men know that no lazy man makes a happy home, no matter how handsome, sexy and otherwise. Men who rely on their six packs, height and handsomeness without calling the real shots might be getting it wrong. No woman wants to pay all the bills at all times while her man stands aloof. Once a man cannot carry out simple responsibilities, the Holy Book describes such men as an ‘infidel.’ The responsibility of a man is not only in finance because women have risen to the world of comfort in almost all professions. Part of the responsibility is to lead marital bonding. Bringing the family together is evidence of being rich. It takes a man with strength and character to lead a home and lead right. 

Dear men, do not think that being rich is in the wallet. Emulate the foreign politicians who still mow the lawn, drive themselves, and make dinners for their families. Do you see their marriages crash? No, because they are the true leaders.