Obodo B’Igwe has no case to answer

(…In the command room, headquarters of the Combat Regiment, the unaffordable country musician Jim Reeve’s lyrics, “This world is not home… I’m just passing through… this world is not my home… The angels beckon me, I’m just passing by, this world is not my home.” Enter the Veteran Commander, General Boji-Boji Atamuna, The Prince from Igallaland, GSO, Col. Tongue Cutter Burutali Koboko, Major Olajide Olakankita, Adjutant, Major 419 Utueke, Intell Officer, Sergeant Okon Bassey and the other ranks…)

General Boji-Boji Atamuna: GSO, increase volume and give me the SITREP.

Col. Tongue Cutter B. Koboko: Sir, I have sad news.

General Atamuna: There is nothing like bad or good news in the Army. You are here to obey orders and react immediately to situation reports.

Col. Tongue Cutter B. Koboko: Air Marshal Jerry Rawlings is dead

Major Olajide Olakankita: This is the wipeout of the Revolutionaries…amount. Also Balarabe Musa, the Governor of the People is gone, and buried by the Governors of Rome.

Col. Tongue Cutter Koboko: He lived a Spartan life, a farmer who rode a rugged V-Boot Mercedes 1988 model, did not waste state or government allocations. In fact, he lived the frugal live of Aminu Kano.

Major 419 Utueke: Find out if his life savings, like in the case of Malam’s pockets on his last passage, saved only two pence! That’s the only way to prove he lived the lifetime of the Malam; The PRP flag-bearer.

Major Olajide Olakankita: There is no way we can make sure these Governors of Rome will always have their way. They hijacked the late Governor’s body… and they are still busy pouring tributes to the late Governor of the People with tongue in their cheeks.

General Atamuna: I declare seven days of mourning with flag flying at half mast! Marshal Rawlings was the last of the African Titans…the history of Ghana and much more on the continental level can be defined within three major epochal delineations: Ghana and Africa before delineations, Kwame Nkruma; Ghana and Africa after Nkrumah, finally, electrifying emergence of Marshal Jerry Rawlings and his legacies.

Col. Tongue Cutter Koboko: Sir, we now proceed with our aborted court marshal of Iska IPOB Rebel, Field Marshal Nnamdi Kanu. Adjutant, you may proceed.

Major Olajide Olakankita: That Obodo B’Igwe; The Afaraukwu Prince, Iyase of Igbo Akri; Balogun of Ijeshaland willfully poisoned and hypnotize the A.S.S. and incited them to lead the Brigade of Hoodlums and together Scavenger Division on the day the youths of the NIGER entity rose up against Nigerian Corruption, SARS, Arson; Bloody upheaval stampeded out of our street and for that moment the Senators and Governors of Rome were on the run and the sons of Carpenters rambled out of the cartage and took over the Senators’ mansions and Governors’ swimming pools.

General Atamuna: Ashwere! Who is A.S.S.? The Hoodlum Brigade we know and those areas boys have been scientifically defined. So, Adjutant, who is this A.S.S.?

Major Olajide Olakankita: Sir, that question will be answered by the Intel Officer, Major 419.

Major 419 Utueke: Thank you very much, Adjutant. A.S.S. stands for Abakliki Suicide Indigenes Squad! This brigade is mainly from Ebonyi State…but who for many reasons reside away from Abakaliki. They live mainly in Chinua Achebe’s Idemili Province, where the Python Snake is Deity and its cooked parts never used as sweeteners, prepared mainly as protein for pepper soup. In Achebe’s…Idemili the song’s…welcoming the Python to dinner Idemili religion steps up the beat according to the LAST DANCE ON THE NIGER…the Python is our mother, the erring strangers know her not…“With the BP… the Brigade of Pastors, the A.S.S. have conspired and wiped out the Idemili Deity. They have eaten up the Pythons.”

“Elsewhere, Pharaoh is the incarnation of the Sun…the object of worship” the black early Egyptians. And like the Egyptians we are the people of the Sun. Anyanwu, Amadioha is the Sun god worshipped by our people and we revered the Python deity.

General Atamuna: What is the relationship between the Sun people and the A.S.S.?

Sergeant Okon Bassey: The A.S.S. don miss road, the Sun, Obasi! The young troop out in the masses from the hard life of the Abakaliki environs and with their women they occupy Anambra, across the Niger, may take over Lagos…hawking food, merchandize across the street. One room apartment may begat 11 children in six years.

Major Olajide Olakankita: These are the cannon fodder the IPOB rebel hypnotizes and they can do anything their leader pronounces.

Major 419 Utueke: Sir, it has taken a most dangerous outcome. The Abakaliki Suicide Squad, unlike others desire very much to confront and possibly die in bloody duels with the armed-to-the-teeth army. If only to please the Obodo B’Igwe. It is not his fault…Obodo B’Igwe may lose this cadre of his Suicide Squad, if he fails to say or do what the A.S.S. desires!

Gen. Atamuna: I must interrupt the proceedings. Next week, at Asaba, the Fraternal of the Den Royalty and top political leaders, sports gurus, Nollywood and the Military Brass would assemble and mount Commander’s Parade as our G.O.C. returns from the Sabbatical to be coronated the IKEMBA UWA by the ancient Kingdom of AHABA.

Adjutant, you may dismiss the Obodo B’Igwe court martial and prepare for the IKEMBA UWA G.O.C magnificent parade.

FALLOUT: Officers and men of the Combat Regiment, Obodo B’Igwe has no case to answer!