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We are gradually putting the 2019 elections behind us. We want old things to pass away, so that all things will become new. We are strenuously striving hard to let bygones be bygones.
One then wonders aloud why the Minister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed, would refuse to allow the sleeping and lazy dog to lie. That beats one hollow and silly.
What would have informed him to whip up unnecessary sentiment would equally baffle any imagination. Why now? His sense of timing is awful. It keeps one thinking unendingly. Don’t we have enough crises at hand, home and abroad? Our troubles are like a two-headed sword.
We have taken our calamities to another level, even beyond our shores. At home, we opted to kill, rape and abduct ourselves mindlessly. We rely heavily on Boko Haram insurgents, Fulani herdsmen, kidnappers and bandits in that order to achieve all these feats.
And overseas, in faraway South Africa, xenophobia is mowing us down with reckless abandon. Increasingly and almost on a daily basis, our citizens and other Africans are being cut down, with their businesses destroyed.
It is in the midst of these tragedies that Mohammed chose to drag us back, making our matter messier. What an awkward time for him to come on board! We did not deserve this irritation, not even from him. He made a poor judgement of us.
On Friday, September 6, 2019, he did what he knows how to do best. Before then, he claimed to have done “extensive research” all alone. He dug deep into his rusty private achieves.
He burnt his many candles of different shapes and shades at all ends. He went through sleepless nights and had unstrained nightmares. Still he was never for once deterred. He forged ahead without winking. He was restless and restive all through.
He did not after all dig in vain. After turning over so many dirty and filthy files, he sniffed out what he wanted. And he was most happy for it. He found something interesting and worthy of sharing.
He picked on a Lagos television station to unleash his uncommon find on us. He was elated at his so-called new discovery. He never wanted to keep it to himself. That would be extremely selfish of him. He is not made of that kind of stuff.
So? He went literally on his knees. He was seeking forgiveness for his principal and benefactor, President Muhammadu Buhari. He begged us all to pardon Buhari on his certificate saga. Perhaps, “for he knows not what he is doing.”
Excerpts: “When asked about Buhari’s missing certificate, Lai Mohammed said the President deserves to be pardoned because it has been 53 years since he left secondary school. He doesn’t even know where he kept it.
“This is coming after Buhari’s Chief of Staff, Abba Kyari, admitted receiving Buhari’s Cambridge University WASC certificate while testifying at the presidential tribunal.”
The tribunal affirmed Buhari’s victory yesterday in its endless hours of ruling in Abuja.
From all indications, this minister is out of tune with us. He is on his own, he is home alone, a lone ranger. He is not seeing what we are seeing, not thinking what we are thinking.
We have long decided to painfully move past the last elections. Our attention has shifted for good. The ultimate focus is on the future. We are picking useful lessons from our ugly history to shape a robust future for even generations yet unborn.
Never will we oblige that certificate saga to sneak into our national discourse again. It will not be allowed to affect our national consciousness negatively, never, ever again.
But, do you have to blame the enfant terrible minister? He thought we needed to diversify in these trying times. That we needed precious and priceless relief. Thank God for Lai Mohammed.
He came in the nick of time to provide the badly-needed comedy. He has never been so on spot. He swiftly put aside all the uproar and hullaballoo about xenophobia. He unwisely cashed in on the certificate narrative; the fairy story that Mohammed would not want to fade away.
But, that is not our mood of the moment. His intervention was a huge mismatch. His missed it big time! Giant and monumental knocks for the Lai of our time.
TALK BACK
Middle Belt: Poser for Kwande, Suleman
When I read your write-up about “The Middle Belt,” I was happy that Middle Beltans are now wiser. Where were Ambassador Yahaya Kwande and Abdulazeez Suleman when Fulani herdsmen were killing people in Benue, Plateau, Kogi and Niger states?
– Emma Oduma, Wuse 2, Abuja,
08035585109
North in self-delusion
Femi Adeoti, more grease to your elbow. May your ink never dry, let it continue to flow fluently. The North is suffering from military hangover and self-delusion. It refused to see that the Middle Belt’s eyes have cleared. The people of the region can see better now.
It is an abomination to see masters trekking while slaves ride on horseback. Who no know go know.
– Elder Lambert, Trans Ekulu, Enugu, Enugu State, 08039186663
Thanks for the light
Dear Femi, I thank you for the light you have shone on that malady called the North. They don’t see East or West, or even Mid West, which they balkanised. They talk of “one North.” Very funny people!
– Peter Chuks, Abuja, 08077025701
Without Nigeria, no North
Ambassador Yahaya Kwande should be ashamed of calling himself a member of the Northern Elders Forum. Where was he when herdsmen boastfully killed 73 people in Benue State and 300 people in Plateau State for killing their equal number of cattle?
They should remember that, without Nigeria, the so-called North is nothing. He should tell President Muhammadu Buhari to prosecute those Fulani who killed people of his so-called forum.
– Sobalaje Ayinla, 08073882577
