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Ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, once said: “Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something.”
Again, renowned American poet, memoirist and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou carved words on marble when she said: “I have learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Now, there will never be a time when the wrong use of word will create a happy moment for anyone. This is following a recent reconciliation of a celebrity actor with her estranged husband. In the midst of their saga, she had called her ex-husband unprintable names like one-minute-man. The man was also allegedly accused of infidelity, involvement in ritual and fraudulent businesses, among other bad things. The ex-husband on his part did not spare the lady as he also called her names and body-shamed her. She was accused of being a drug addict and a chain smoker. These are not kind words to say about your ex-lover. Their separation was messy, verbally brutal. In this scenario, their separation was dramatic as well as toxic. They got to the height of it even with a child between them. None thought of the internet child who is armed with gadgets. None also thought he might see how his parents washed their dirty linen in public. They did not consider what the mental being would be for the child.
On the other hand, some other couples choose to separate peacefully. Take the case of a popular artiste who separated from his wife. After the split, they chose to remain close friends. At events, especially when their children were involved, one would not believe they were divorced.
Children’s involvement should be paramount while couples separate or divorce. It should be a strong reason one must be mindful of what to say in anger. Yes, in anger, one could go haywire, but there are some areas that should not be delved into especially with a person that was once your ‘bestie.’
Interestingly, bloggers set the social media on buzz as their stories trended. In the midst of all that, the ex-husband remarried almost immediately and moved on, while the lady took custody of their child. She also tried a few relationships but none materialized into marriage.
Excitingly, after 10 years of bitter separation, the celebrity found Christ and swallowed the hard pill. Surprisingly, she made peace with her ex-husband and reconciled father and son. In her new life as a born-again Christian, she was touched by the Holy Spirit and became a new woman. Old things passed away. Listening to her testimony during a fellowship session of NSPPD (New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations), she confessed of the mighty hands of God that pulled her from the shadows of sin. As she set her phone on the tripod stand, the camera on, her tripod stand, speaking in tongues, one would know that truly, old things had passed away and a new version or her has manifested. In the course of enjoying her new season, she took the best decision by reconciling her son with his father. Father and son’s reconciliation gave Netizens another opportunity to troll the estranged couple. Some hailed the positive decision of total reconciliation, some felt she saw no one to marry her, hence she ate the humble pie and made a U-turn. Sharing videos of their great reunion, she beamed with smile, called the ex the pet name she gave to him.
The big question is this: now that they have decided to sheath their swords, how will they wash off the venom they poured on each other in the heat of the quarell? The moment she made the reconciliation post, netizens asked: “Is he no longer a ‘one-minute man? That word has become an indelible mark etched on the hearts of many. This is the reason one must be mindful of what to say during quarell.
In another development, two young actors, one male and the other female, who were once besties hare have been displaying their dirty linen on social media. There have been accusations and counter-accusation. The male actor has threatened to make the lady’s marriage to break up, if he is pushed to the wall. Screenshots of previous chats and details of bank transfers, when the going was good, have been published online. Bloggers are allegedly being paid to raise the tempo of the quarrel. Netizens are taking sides like Arsenal and Chelsea supporters. Both parties need to tread softly and make room for the big reconciliation day. Yes, a day will come when both will ceasefire as besties. Both need to be mindful of what they say, post on social media, the ones they give to bloggers to circulate5. There are unprintable words that might be difficult to take back. Pushing a lady out of her marriage is not a cool one. Be mindful of what you say.
In the same vein, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph were a couple blessed with three children. Ab initio, they lived in a chaotic marital relationship. They were always quarreling over issues they could neglect. Madam’s younger sister, Patience came to live with them during the mandatory one year youth service in Benue State. Husband and wife continued in their acrimonious lifestyle. On a certain day, Mr. Joseph went physical and the two sisters stood up to him. Joseph began to call them prostitutes out of anger. It became a sing-song for him to call his wife and her sister prostitutes. This became their brand name on top of his voice until neighbours intervened and cautioned him. Patience could not bear that language. “My brother-in-law called us prostitutes? What a callous man? Has it gotten to this extent? Within few years, Joseph’s business began to dwindle. He was no longer the roaring lion of the home. Yet, they all kept managing. The fish business of Joseph’s wife picked up. Patience got married to Charles and both relocated to the United States. Life now looked financiall brighter from the ladies’ angles. While Joseph was still struggling with his printing business, the two sisters started picking paying the bills. Not long after burying his father, Joseph’s children’s school fees fell due, but he did not have money to pay. Patience shocked her brother-in-law by paying the children’s school fees and house rent. The same man that branded two sisters as prostitutes saw the table turn. With his face covered by shame, he began to appreciate the efforts of the ladies he once spoke maliciously about with his tongue. Always be mindful of what to say to your bestie in anger.
There have been so many instances where wrong use of words broke relationships. Two beautiful talented celebrity actresses ended up in court for careless use of words. One accused the other of witchcraft. That accusation became an albatross in the life and career of the accused. In fact, the allegation affected her marriage. She said that her husband had grown suspicious of her and beginning to gradually withdraw from her. The accused actress reported the matter to the police, who arrested her. The accuser was compelled to tender a public apology after being bailed with a huge amount.
Over the time, being mindful of what to say during quarrels gives one a clearer position during reconciliation. It also shows maturity, trust and relationship that should continue. It is always difficult to swallow what they have vomited because it has been made public already. Very hurting words lives with both victim and offender.
Listening to the Jemerigbe’s story was not funny either. Mr. Efe Jemerigbe happens to be friends with Edem and Ikwo. They all grew up together as friends in the same neighbourhood. They were all full of life, not too educated but could feed themselves with hustling. They were all married as well. On a certain day, Jemerigbe visited his friend, Edem, who was not home. Edem got the message of his friend’s visit and carelessly said, ‘Don’t mind that one that drinks like fish. Edem’s four-year-old son heard and held onto it. The next time Jemerigbe visited, the boy said, “My Daddy said you drink like fish.” That wrong saying destroyed a relationship of over 30 years. Jemerigbe was dumbfounded and never knew the extent of his betrayal by his dear trusted friend.
Be mindful of what you say to your friend when there are issues. Words can slowly kill.
