From Uchenna Inya, Abakaliki
Bride price is very important in African culture. Aside ratifying marriage, it also consolidates friendship between the families of the groom and the bride.
In Igbo culture, bride price qualifies a man to own everything in a marriage and also accords him certain entitlements in his community, including his wife, children, lands and other valuable property. Any man that claims to have married without paying bride price on his wife is not qualified to own a child or children from such relationship. Perhaps, if the marriage crashes, the struggle for the custody of the children begins.
If a woman in cohabitation with a man dies without her bride price being paid by the presumed husband when she was live, the man must pay it before he is allowed to bury her as his wife. The case is aggravated if the man is not in good terms with the family of the woman, as he will spend three or four times what he ought to have spent as the bride price when the woman was alive.
As earlier mentioned, in many communities, a man is allowed to enjoy his rights, including possession of landed property if he paid his wife’s bride price commonly known as dowry.
Many churches these days do not solemnise a marriages unless bride price is paid on the bride while some others wed couples without payment of dowry if families of the couples agree that they should be joined in matrimony based on their internal arrangements and agreements.
In short, bride price gives a woman dignity, respect and protection in a marriage. It preserves marriage customs and boosts the value of the female folks in the society.
However, today, it is common to see a man and woman live together as husband and wife without payment of the woman’s dowry and even the consent of both families.
This has become very common in Ndieze of Izzi Local Government Area of Ebonyi State, prompting the community to issue Easter 2025 as deadline for the clearance of all unpaid dowries by men who are purportedly marrying their daughters.
The community declared that it was a crime for a man to marry a woman without paying her bride price and expressed their readiness to preserve their marriage customs and encourage women’s value in the area.
Village heads of Ndieze resolved to make the proclamation when they visited their new traditional ruler, Eze Hyacinth Ogbonna Nwokpor.
According to a statement by the special assistant to the traditional ruler, Jonathan Nwokpor, the village heads decreed that it is unacceptable for anyone to marry a woman in their community without paying the dowry.
“They have given offenders till Easter 2025 to rectify the situation or face community’s action.
“The dowry payment resolution ensures that marriage customs are respected and women are valued,” he asserted.
Traditional ruler of the community, Ogbonna Nwokpor told Daily Sun that widows in the area, especially the young ones among them were facing all sorts of maltreatment because their dowries were not paid by their husbands while alive. He explained that was why they had to take the decision that all dowries must be paid in the community.
He revealed that over 30 percent of men marrying their daughters have not paid dowries on them; a situation he said must stop.
He stated that the customs and traditions of Izhi land are against non-payment of a woman’s bride price in a marriage. He regretted that the younger generation no longer cared about bride price in a relationship/marriage when they elope with ladies, impregnate them and start bearing children in the relationship.
He said: “The widows, especially the young ones have been facing all sorts of maltreatment. Many men, especially the young ones would like to befriend young women whose husbands have died without paying dowry, and at a point, they impregnate them. Instead of the men taking up their responsibility, they decide to maltreat such women. We say no to such acts. As a traditional ruler, I have vowed that any case of maltreatment against a widow in my community, especially in connection with the relative of the husband, I will not take it lightly with the culprit.
“The property of her late husband belongs to the woman and her children. Her children also have a right to benefit from the property of their paternal grandparents. Any woman who stays in the supposed husband’s house, and gives birth to a child or children without any dowry paid on her head, is not only insult to the woman but also an aberration to the community. She’s just befriending a man because her purported husband has not fulfilled her marital rights.
“In our community and the entire Izhi clan, we consider a man who pays the bride price as the owner of the child, and not who rushes to church and wears a ring. Some people call it white wedding. Even if the man happens to do a traditional marriage ceremony without paying dowry first, he is wasting his time. It’s because only the payment of the bride price shows that you are entitled to own any child from a woman.
“If you as a man fail to pay dowry, you will lose the child when she gets married to another man who pays the bride price. Before, if a man wants to do a wedding, the approval must first come from the parents and relatives. Unlike now, we hear a lady will just run to a man for marriage and before you know it, they get church’s approval for wedding. The pastor will not ask them about their parents, or whether all the traditional requirements for the marriage have been met. The pastor would rather wed them, especially if money is involved.
“No! The customs and traditions of Izhi land are against such a practice. The non-payment of bride price is almost over 30 per cent in Ndieze Inyimagu autonomous community. The young ones don’t care, as many of them are ready to elope with ladies and impregnate them. They would not think of paying the bride price.
“The young ones are no longer ashamed. If not, how can someone who call himself a man impregnate a lady up to two or more times and never think of meeting with his supposed wife’s parents to fulfil the marital rites?
“It’s unfortunate that many women shamelessly run to men who don’t care for their rights or protect their dignity in the name of marriage. Sometimes, parents may try to counsel their daughters, but they would rather give them deaf ears, as many choose to run out from the families and cling to unknown men.
“We have mapped out a plan, to arrest the ugly development. We have issued a one-year ultimatum to any man living with our daughter without paying a dowry and claiming that he is her husband. Such a man has a grace from now to Easter 2025 to pay the bride price or risk facing the wrath of the community.”
The royal father explained that by the next Easter, every village head will take inventory of couples with outstanding dowries and submit their names to his cabinet for appropriate action.
“When we address this, others will learn their lessons. We have had a terrible experience, in this community just because a man got married without paying dowry and the woman died. The community spent double of what the man would have paid as a dowry before her death. On the other hand, if the man dies without paying dowry, he has lost his children and wife to another person who may pay for it. That’s why the ultimatum should be heeded.
“We are aware that in Izhi land, the bride price is not paid once. But the man must approach the family and pay part of the dowry to start with. There must be a mutual understanding between the family of the woman and that of the man.
“Financial commitment from the side of the man is very important. You can’t tell me, a man can marry a woman without knowing the father, mother, brother or other relatives let alone meeting up with the marital rites, especially the dowry. It can’t be done that way. The area we are going to is those men who have not visited the family and are not even ready to see the parents of the woman nor pay any dowry,” he explained.
For a member of the traditional ruler’s cabinet, Chief Joseph Ishia-Onyibe, the resolution to sanction men who married their daughters without paying bride price delights not only the community but the entire Izhi clan in the state. He described the community’s decision as a bold step to change the ugly narrative.
“Some young men prefer to elope with our daughters and at a point, they decide to seek the consent of the pastor rather than the girl’s parents or relatives for their wedding.
“Unfortunately, sometimes, the pastor weds them secretly. They would have met with the family of the woman because the secret marriage is a sacrilege in our land. Marriage without payment of bride price is a taboo. It means the man has not legitimately married and his children do not belong to him whether in life or death, till he fulfils the marital requirements according to the custom and tradition of Izhi land. Izhi native law sees the practice as alien in our clan.
“At a young age, I knew that any man who wanted to marry must visit the family of the proposed wife with palm wine. The family after the introductory wine, will know you.
“The family would ascertain from the girl to know whether she loves the man or not. If she approves, the family will proceed.
“The family would tell the man the number of relatives he should visit for full acknowledgement, having decided to marry their daughter. Everybody will know him and after that, the next is to come and pay the dowry and fulfil other traditional marriage rites.
“We allow our daughters to choose their husbands, but their husbands must pay their bride price. The white men’s culture should not dominate Izhi culture.
“We are aware that whoever pays the bride price first owns the child. Nobody should work against our customs and traditions just because of the importation of the white man’s culture.
“We are committed to sanitizing the community. We are out to protect the rights of the widows, as well, as the general public in our community as long as the victim is innocent of the matter when it occurs,” the community leader said.
He hinted that there would be adequate sensitisation on how to handle issues relating to dowry in the community.
Ekuma Isu, an Afikpo man in the southern part of the state who married from the community, told Daily Sun that he was yet to settle his wife’s bride price because of the prohibitive nature.
He revealed that four cows which could be monetized, are required from him as the wife’s bride price by his in-laws.
“Paying bride price these days in the Abakaliki bloc of the state is not easy, especially in Ikwo, Ezza and Izzi where I married. I met my wife when we were in school and we became friends and got married though I have not paid her bride price. We have four children now. I know it is a must that I must pay the bride price but I don’t have four cows my in-laws are demanding.
“If I get money for two cows, I will go to them and beg them to collect it and then see how I can finish the whole thing. Cows are costly these days. A native cow which is used in paying bride price is now between N400,000 and N700,000,” he stated.
Some widows in the community, including Regina Nwofe and Mary Eze, narrated to our correspondent what they have passed through in the hands of their late husbands’ relatives.
Nwofe specifically said that her husband’s relatives evicted her and her children from the man’s house and warned them not to step their toes there again because her bride price was not paid. She added that they were denied other property belonging to her late husband.
“My husband died about six years ago. After his burial, his brothers ordered me and my four children to leave his house and warned me to remove my hand from his landed property.
“They said that my bride price was not paid, that I can’t have any share in any of his property. I cried bitterly and begged them but they didn’t have mercy on me. They sent me packing and took over the house and my husband’s lands,” she lamented.
Eze, a mother of two, who lost her husband a year ago, said she suffered similar fate. She reported the case to a human rights organization which is handling the matter.
Regardless, some women activists in the state would want the community to be careful in handling the matter. They noted that the issue of bride price was not something that required force.
One of them, Mrs Ijeoma Mike-Ajanwachukwu, called for the abolishment of bride price in marriage system. She told Daily Sun that forcing people to pay bride price of their wives was against the law.
The state counsel with the Ministry of Justice said that “in law, any man that impregnates a woman and the woman delivers the child, is the owner of the child whether bride price is paid or not.
“The community should look at the issue and see how to resolve it because at the end, it is the children that suffer. So, the community should look inwards and know how to handle this matter. The law of that bride price should be abolished.
“In 2014, nonpayment of bride price had resulted in a man killing his wife in Izzi. Joseph Okogbu killed his wife, Ann Okogbu, who had six children because he had not paid her bride price and she wanted to marry another man. That if she marries another man, her new husband will take his six children.
“This was his reason for killing his wife. He was convicted and sentenced to death. The Ezeogos should as a matter of urgency cut down bride price so that their sons can afford to marry with ease.”
In the same manner, the Chairperson of Nigeria Association of Women Journalists (NAWOJ) in the state, Nkechinyere Oginyi, called for caution even as she said the trend was worrisome. She urged men to pay dowries of their wives to give dignity to them in the society.
“I believe they want to make the men live up to their responsibilities but it should not be with force to avoid one going into stealing in order to meet the community ultimatum.
“Let it be what the man and his family can afford. The most important thing is for the man to take care of the woman in the marriage.
“Ndieze community, individual families should dialogue on the payment of the bride price and not by ultimatum because the economy is very bad now,” she advised.