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Despite the rough economic situation that has befallen Nigeria and Nigerians, one can still make everlasting lemonade out of lemon. Christmas season celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ which is the most important religious holiday. It brings an end to a year and ushers in the new year. Therefore, it comes with a lot of celebrations and activities. But someone can just decide to give the season a unique touch.
Now, despite the season’s merry making, what would a supposed adult tie to his or her 2024 Christmas celebration, to make it a season to remember? What gift or sacrifice can one offer at such a special moment? What should be that worthy spirit-filled decision to be taken for a renewed life which will not traumatize the giver. There might be no better Christmas gift for many if the right decision is taken before the year runs out. It will eventually be a source of joy to remember.
Where is the place of unity, love and forgiveness in all the preparation for and excitement about Christmas? The Holy Book made us understand that God is love and love is godly. However, everywhere you look there are disagreements, troubles and squabbles. These are prevalent cases between couples, siblings, colleagues, relatives and communities. So many marriages are in shambles with couples living like flatmates. There are siblings who do not see eye-to-eye. They have been this way for years, and ready to carry-over the soured relationship into the coming year. There are inherited generational enmities within families and communities. What Christmas gift therefore should one give or receive to make it a season to remember? Couples who have had a cat-and-dog relationship for several years, where is the place of forgiveness? A male friend told me how his wife moved into a separate bedroom and had refused to have sex with him in over five years. Yet, he chose to remain calm. “In the last five years, I have not had sexual relationship with my wife and I cannot explain the reason. Instead, she announces to who cares that I have stopped going to Church. Her pastor invited me and started preaching, I listened to him for five minutes and interjected. ‘Sir, ask her the last time we had sex as a couple? This is the fifth year. She knows I am not the cheating type. So, in five years, I have not had sex with any woman, and I am just 44.’ His voice rose as he added: “She does not consider my health status as a man. So, what is the Church teaching her? How to starve and push her husband outside their matrimonial home.” The pastor’s jaw dropped in surprise as he quickly turned to the lady. ‘Sister what is the problem?’ She could not utter any reasonable response, instead buried her head in shame. Pastor blasted her, saying, “You are not representing the body of Christ well. Five years of forced abstinence, not that you are sick, so what do you want your husband to do? You want your young husband to go outside your matrimonial home and satisfy his sexual urge at 44? Even as pastors, our wives are charged not to starve us, because if we go out in search of other women even during quarrel, they are to be blamed. My sister, forgiveness is the best Christmas gift you can give to yourself and husband. For whatever he has done, five years of sexual denial to your faithful husband is enough punishment. You are such a lucky woman. As a pastor, women like you come to report their husband’s unfaithfulness and we try to settle them, but yours is different. Let whatever is the reason for the bitterness stop immediately. Two of you should get back to your home and lock yourselves up in your bedroom. Bring down your wedding picture and look at it romantically, bring back fond memories of your marital beginning. The places you visited hand in hand in the early days. The intimate times you shared that produced three children; those times you listened to each other’s heartbeat. I will pray with you but if you genuinely open up to each other, you will bounce back.”
When the pastor finished admonishing them, they went home. After a week, husband came back and gave the testimony of how the yoke was broken and both grinned from ear to ear. Pastor used it as the Sunday message while teaching on forgiveness without mentioning their names. That forgiveness is germane in every relationship be it between a master and his servant, husband and wife, siblings or colleagues. Let forgiveness be the gift to make the Christmas a season to remember.
Unfortunately, most people think that spousal differences are huge. What about siblings that are like rivals, who do not see eye to eye out of hatred, resentment and bitterness.
Two very well known brothers of the same mother have not spoken to each other in the last six years. Another family known to me had similar issue and it was such a big confusion. It happened that Peter and Paul are a set of twins older than Christian their youngest brother. All from same parents. The twins had always had this notion that their junior brother is not respectful while the junior claims his big brothers do not show him the needed big brother love. Even that all relocated to the US at different times, the joy of relocating to a foreign land did not terminate their enmity as siblings.
While the twins lived in New Jersey, their younger brother lived in Virginia with endless enmity. After eight years, both seniors appeared in front of Christians house unannounced on American’s Thanksgiving Day. He welcomed his brothers he has not seen for years, they all ate and wined together and age-long disagreement became over. News got to their mother who celebrated big time and termed it ‘Christmas Peace Gift.’
There are several cases which needs just forgiveness for all to move on especially for the season. Forgiveness is not for one person to carry out, it could be from senior or junior.
When one offers to forgive, no matter whose ox is gored, the person would have achieved inner peace of mind. It only takes a brave man or woman to do this. Whoever that offers to forgive is not a weakling, but a strong-willed person.
Interestingly, when I read from Christiana Okpe how forgiveness took the place of her breast cancer ailment, it was such an amazing story as she shared it on her Facebook page. “I had an embittered enmity with my mother-in-law in over twenty years because of the maltreatment she meted out to me when her son wanted to marry me. In the marital turbulence pregnancy was not forthcoming as we waited for six years. In those six years, I regretted ever getting married. Worries, tears and regret was my daily food as aggravated by my mother-in-law. There were days she would come to sing, pack and threw my things away. Prostitute was my second name constantly, but my husband loved my patience and endurance. It was at the seventh year that God answered our prayer with a set of twins. With my mother-in-law’s attitude towards me, I declared her ache enemy long time ago. Even when I gave birth, I never welcomed her to my home. She came to see her grandchildren; I drove her away because she was a thorn in the flesh. It was not long that I noticed lumps in my breast area which was spreading fast. What is this? Cancer of the breast as the result of the test informed. I was booked for surgery within one month. Now, the trauma of how I would die and leave my young babies was eating me up gradually. In one of the fellowships I belonged to, pastor preached forgiveness and the results it could bring. I made up my mind to try it.
One very early Saturday morning, I took my babies and a little gift and knocked on my mother-in-law’s door. As she opened the doors, I went on my knees with tears and asked for her forgiveness. “Mummy, wherever I have erred, kindly forgive me because you are the mother of my dear husband. I brought your first set of grandchildren to carry and name them. Mama’s tears dropped without control. Both hugged, cried and consoled themselves. One week into her surgery, lumps disappeared on their own.
Dear Nigerians, there are many Christmas gifts that one can receive from God in heaven; likewise, how people could give out gift of forgiveness which exists in patience and kindness to others. The Christmas season is not for only eating and drinking, but reconciliation, settlement and peace keeping. These are the greatest gifts of Christmas. Therefore, let us make peace. Christmas gift of forgiveness is the reason for season.
